Epiphanal Tidbits—The Random Musings of an Alien
Sometimes I just feel like sharing some kind of inner awareness that may never make any sense to anyone but me. So, then, why write this diminutive blog. There is no good reason, other than sometimes I just feel like doing it. There will probably be little rhyme nor reason behind the random and infrequent blog-like entries, and certainly no planning in the typical human sense. Each entry comes in its own time and order, without coercion or force by me. Such ephemeral inner things can only be invited and then welcomed once they make their oftentimes very subtle presence known. Oftentimes these bubbles of knowing manifest as a clear inner vision, filled with color and minute detail, while other times they may arrive as an intuitive feeling that offers up a bit of knowledge that rises up and touches my mentality, conveying its message with glowing images and knowing, Or it can be born out of a combination of inner resources, none of which can be easily described by words, but that are always definite and unquestionably to the point. Moreover, not every awareness event will be recorded; only the more significant milestones that also coincide with a feeling to share them will likely be cause for any writing.
The subject matter will vary as to the whim of each and every moment, and what is revealed may require you to spend a significant about of time to comprehend in a useful way. This does not matter. People will get what they get, usually according to what they already hold and cherish in their own mind. This little blogette exercise is just one way to help me clarify and crystallize my own inner discovery and learning process. What works for me may not work for you. There will be no detailed explanations, just a few words inspired by whatever comes. Whether, or not, it assists someone else is immaterial. Now, you may ask, why then bother to share this weird stuff? Because sometimes I feel like doing it. It is strictly a feeling thing, not necessarily a logical one. With this said, enjoy the blog entries to whatever extent you can--without having to make logical sense of them. There is a logic to what is written, but it may not be your kind of mental logic. Whatever happens, just remember that ultimately, looking at the big picture, none of this odd writing makes any difference whatsoever to anything or anyone but me, and even that may be asking too much.
If you resist the help when it comes it will know that you are not yet ready to receive it, and so the help will simply bid you farewell.
All of those little swirls of consciousness that purposely animate individual living forms can be seen as just so many experimental attempts at life, living tests that serve to eventually bring about evolution in consciousness. Some few will flourish, developing the right attributes and making the enabling choices that will eventually bring about a joyous and everlasting life experience. The rest will sooner or later fail, falling victim to their own devices and extinguish themselves. From the bigger picture it is all so simple: A sea of countless little eddies of living energy trying to find themselves and a better way, while some choose an early rest through extinction. It’s all perfect, but not always pleasant depending upon the choices made.
I have been noticing more keenly then ever how the busy mind loves to think and toss about and revel in its valued notions about anything and everything, while at the same time purposely staying disconnected from the Will aspect, which might otherwise disturb and/or swiftly bring into manifest form all that oftentimes irascible mental blabber, thereby thwarting and upsetting the intentionally powerless dreaming in which the mind prefers to safely indulge.
The more important one thinks they are the more useless and unimportant they become, including myself.
All the laws, social rules, and taboos vigorously enforced are to keep the Will from genuinely and freely expressing. This is because if such free expression were to occur all that which the rigidly judgmental mind values and holds dear would be upset, turned upside down and unable to exist.
Wishing ill will on someone is like wishing it on oneself. Let go of what others are doing or have done, and create a heaven on earth for yourself, but do not deny that which is within you, face and resolve it instead, so that you are free. If there is violence lurking in your heart, so shall ye reap it.
Everybody has their life experience playing out exactly the way they want it—otherwise they would be motivated to change it.
Nothing matters when you are fully alive; everything matters when you are nearly dead.
Growing up amongst the humans—It sucked, but in retrospect doing so provided some good lessons.
As a child I watched my parents, family, and just about everyone else constantly trying to manipulate themselves and others, while pushing their stupid version of some idea or so-called truth pertaining to what is right or wrong, or good or bad, etc., hoping desperately to bend and/or deny reality, so as to suit their imagined cosmically unimportant needs and feeble desires. These people had nor yet have any sense, inkling, or respect for what beauty and majesty waits beyond the rim of their self-putrefied mind, while going about punishing and killing that which does do not conform to their own insane idiocy. All get what they deserve, in spite of any blabbering to the contrary.
Life is self-organizing and disdains entropy; Death is self-disorganization and the movement toward entropy.
Whatever interests and fascinates you is your prison. Let it all go and you can have and enjoy everything.
From the Shite groweth the beautiful rose...
Whenever the mind, always full of judgmental edicts, gets involved everything will be perverted. It is amazing how the logic of the mind can take anything and turn it into whatever fits its agenda, with no grounding in actuality in any way, and simultaneously see and experience its concocted truths as actuality. Without an actively integrated Will aspect there can be no hope of sanity or recovery of the self.
The so-called laws of physics do not apply to the self-organizing forces of consciousness, albeit they may seem to apply to certain fragmented ways of seeing and experiencing reality by individuals who are likewise highly fragmented and disconnected from their Will aspect. For instance, your personal body does not adhere to the laws of thermodynamics, nor is it subject to entropy, unless you deliberately impose that kind of reality on it. Life is the opposite of entropy, but is one aspect of the process leading to death for some specific entity or group. All is free and all limitation is by choice, each person’s choice being theirs alone, no matter what some pompous self-appointed authority might like to impose or profess to be true or a law. Constraint is self-induced; the life that consciousness begets is unlimited. Where you are on this scale is up to you.
When you choose to focus on and be part of some aspect of outer reality you are in effect asking that you be limited to the physical reality construct in which you have intent to see as real. Once this kind of choice has been made you are thereafter imprisoned within the limits of that envisioned reality, unless and until you undo and release the choice. There is no escape from such a choice, which poses a dilemma. How can someone participate in an outer reality experience without being enslaved by the choice?
The answer simple, but usually beyond comprehension by a judgmentally logical and unintegrated mentality that insists on controlling everything. Make no choice to participate in any outer reality experience that is perceived as real. When the mentality has been essentially cleared of defining judgmental constructs, and a general sense of freedom has been achieved, keep the focus on the inner reality processes, and let the outer reality experience unfold as a consequence—an out-picturing that is not made real—although nevertheless a tangibly touchable experience.
The choice to favor and rely purely on the mind is also a choice to not know.
The word “evil” is the word “live” spelled backwards, and so it could be said that any act that is judged to be evil is merely the energy of life trying to resurrect itself, pushing back against the judgments that are being imposed upon it and that hope to prevent it from living.
Everything is nothing but an energy interaction set into motion by the mental imprinting held by the initiating parental source. And so nothing is new; everything is old. This is the cosmos, the unreal mistakenly made real. It is all perfect in its imperfection, with programmed bits of energy interacting and conspiring in an unreal dance that has been judged to be real. It will all transform and/or terminate when the parental source gets its life lesson and chooses to resolve that which has been created and is disliked. In the meantime, we keep on dancing to a tune that is both ageless and perfectly corrupt, while simultaneously perfectly correct and faithfully carried out.
This is very likely my final post. There is no point in my writing anything more about consciousness. It is the experience of life that counts, not the writing of it. My lesson in words is done, finished, but all of life and its unlimited possibilities are at my doorstep. And so, I shall leave behind all of the decades of heartfelt effort that has brought me to this successful end point, and go out and apply and enjoy that which I have discovered from my silly trekking through my ignorant past.
Happy New Year!
It is all an energy dance of self-generated reflections, each entity getting the perfect reflection of its own consciousness. There is nothing to fix or remedy; nothing to improve. There is nothing wrong, bad, or good. All just is a balance of perfection. Thus, it be that there is truly nothing to do, nothing at all, except enjoy the life experience that one has chosen, whether the sum-total choices were made with awareness, or through ignorance, willful stupidity, and/or a predilection toward numbness and death. And by nothing to do, I do mean to say that this sweeping declaration includes this awareness material too, except that for now I will continue to make it available until even that is too much doing.
If you think you are important you are judging that you must behave a certain way, so as to have value, but in actuality going about with a pretended importance that is false. This is because there would be no reason to judge yourself important unless you had previously judged yourself as unimportant, and of low value. Being fully unimportant brings about freedom, enabling the energy that is you to express freely and in unlimited ways. Thus, it could be said that the importance of total freedom is life unlimited, while a lack of freedom is death to the self that has been made unimportant.
The natural ability to immediately and directly manifest that which is desired can only occur when there is a complete absence of any doing. Doing is the application of force, no matter how slight that doing might seem to be. When there is no doing—only a visual and feeling knowing that outer reality is not real—can there be true freedom, at which time the ability to enjoy all is freely given without limit. This is when nothing is yours and all things are nothing, and yet all is everything.
Any so-called “poor me” behavior is intentionally self-destructive, no matter what happy pretense overlays the fundamental programming. A “poor me” attitude and actions can be subtle to aggressive and obviously destructive, but no matter what the intensity it will always be working to defeat the individual’s health, wealth, value, and happiness. Moreover, anyone giving sympathy to or otherwise caught up in a person’s “poor me” scenario should pay close attention to any reflections provided by anyone suffering for any type of “poor me” scenario. This is because anyone pulled in to the “poor me” game, and to any degree, will of themselves be infected by one or more “poor me” attitudes and behavior. There is no exception to this, and oftentimes “poor me” actions will be self-camouflaged, so as to appear to be what they are not.
What is real? Is it the perceived outer reality physical experience, or is it the inner reality realm that inspires into existence the perceived outer reality manifestations? In my experience the outer reflects the causative inner. As such, it could be said, that outer reality is not real, although the experience of it seems real, but that does not make outer physical reality real. So, again, what is real? Is it the visceral, or is it the so-called ethereal? It is a matter of where one places their attention. Moreover, if one applies the “backwards principle,” i.e., the earthly process of living is in actuality a process leading to death, along with everything else on earth experienced as backwards, then it is the inner reality realm that is real and all else is unreal and also nothing more than a perverted false truth imagined as real.
This awareness work is fundamentally so simple in understanding and execution that Will challenged people, those who rely exclusively on their mind and the complications it always generates, are generally unable to understand this awareness recovery work, the writings that accompany it, nor do they get to enjoy the heightened and otherwise unexplainable experiences that come from doing it.
And for all those happily stuck in the earth-matrix, have a happy Hallowe'en—a evening to celebrate and remember the faithful departed.
Whenever you look at an object as an object you are judging it to be an object. The means that the object must obey the judgmental rules embedded within the observing mentality. As such, an object is always just an object, imprisoning the beholder by its own ideas of reality. In contrast, when an object is not seen as an object, i.e., not seen as real, the observer is then released from its own self-inspired imprisonment, and the former object is then set free to change and express in whatever way consciousness might freely desire. This is true for the micro and the macro—to the extent that all is seen and realized as unreal, to that same extent shall the self be free from former entrapments, and be free to directly manifest that which is momentarily desired.
Whenever you worship or pay homage to some perceived idol, no matter what it might be, you will have chosen to see it as real, and therefore you will have given it your power, and to the extent that you do this to that same degree will you, too, in turn, have made yourself weak and powerless. And so worship nothing but yourself, nourishing that which you are, so that you can be the powerful, majestic being that resides nearly forgotten at your core.
Everlasting life is the norm—if and when allowed. It is the thinking, judgmental mind that suffocates it and turns life into toil, pain, suffering, and ultimately death. This is the job given over to the mind, a job for which it is highly adaptable, gifted, and immeasurably efficient.
Good becomes bad, and bad becomes good, and ‘round and around it goes in a never ending circle of utter stupidity. There is neither good nor bad, all just is. And all is perfection, with each individual receiving exactly the perfect reflected outer reality experience coinciding with their chosen inner reality condition. It is the mind and its attitudes and resulting judgmental constructs that bring about the experience of duality, and the suffering that goes along with it. Otherwise, it is all just an energy dance, with each individual getting the experience of life they, themselves, have inspired into existence. As such, it is all perfect.
If I had the resources and power to fix the world what would I do? Would I eliminate war, pain, suffering, and poverty? As wonderful a goal as that might seem to be, unfortunately, to my chagrin, the worsening situation on earth seems to be the correct and proper reflection for a humankind that has, in mass, chosen a path of judgmental suffocation, pretense, and denial, a sure-fire path leading to the extinguishment of its life force. I have long learned that to intercede, trying to fix someone else, always prolongs the lesson and the agony for all concerned, which does not seem to be a loving thing to do. And so I now just observe the reflections that abound and deal with and resolve anything within myself that could or might support the apparent insanity that has become the normal, earthly life experience, thereby removing any contribution that I may have toward supporting the earthbound love of death, thereby further freeing myself from the tyranny of my own truculent mind.
Providence happily moves for those choosing life, as well as for the walking dead choosing death.
The road to everlasting life leads to death for the purposely ignorant and unaware.
Each person always gets exactly what they deserve, whether they like it or not. This is how consciousness works. What you attract into your life experience will always conform to your prayers, i.e, the sum total of all that which you hold within your mentality, plus that which is “lost” through acts of denial. Consequently, each person receives their just rewards, whether they choose to think it just or not.
Ignorance does not equate to innocence. Ignore-ance is to purposely ignore that which is unwanted, i.e., a choice to keep something unknown. And so it could be said that ignorance is an admission of guilt.
Earth is a death planet, a special place where entities come to experience and learn all about death and what causes it. The earth creatures eat, cannibalize, and prey on each other, if not for food, then to take and possess some material trinket or possession. For anyone needing to experience, taste, touch, feel, and intimately understand the self-created processes that lead to physical death Earth is the perfect place to be—the atrocity classroom par excellence.
In the long run, however, Earth will be fine. In its own geologic time it will simply subduct the detritus of humankind and render it back into its basic, untarnished elements. And the Earth may even enjoy giving humankind and other earthbound creatures the lessons of life that they so need and deserve.
If you are concerned whether you live or die you have made outer reality real, and you will have asked for a life versus death cycle of experience. And you will wither and die according to the judgments and interwoven beliefs held within your mentality, with it all further empowered by the denials these mental constructs create.
People often complain that it is hard for them to let their feelings express outwardly into active and noisy expression. This is an example of backwards thinking. Creation’s Law is the opposite! Will feelings are always and immediately ready to push up and roar out into unfettered expression. It is the actions of the mentality, which must work hard and diligently, that force feelings down, and thereafter keep them sequestered, quietly hushed so as to not disturb, thereby keeping them from moving up and out into expression.
How bad does the discomfort, misery, pain, horror, or terror have to get before the student will pay attention? The pain and distress of life is the teacher; we are the student. The lesson is simple: If you do not like what you are getting and experiencing stop doing what causes it.
Focusing on what has previously been brought into manifest form keeps out attention focused on what has already been created, and thereby prevents us from knowing and experiencing the otherwise limitless possibilities offered through consciousness.
I strolled quietly past a teenager fishing over the concrete guard rail on a small bridge. The lad paid no attention to me. I had a thought about the poor, unlucky fish that might get hooked, when suddenly I clearly saw the judgment telling me that the fish was an unwitting victim. Then something astonishing occurred. The realization vividly bloomed that all was just an energy dance, and I could see this in all of its intricately splendid beauty and utter perfection. The fish was no victim; instead a perceived energy participant. I was having another one of those enlightening experiences clearly showing me the unrealness of outer reality, another little step toward my goal of being able to directly manifest.
If you think you know, you don’t. Thinking is the powerless opposite of knowing and anyone caught up in thinking is never open to true knowing, which is not of the mind, but that can sometimes be expressed through and with the aid of the Spirit mentality and its mind. For those who know only thinking this will be an endless conundrum, and one without solution because all the person can do is endlessly think.
Nothing matters, and yet everything matters. This is because nothing can be transformed into matter by everything within the mentality that matters.
How does someone enjoy certainty regarding some topic when one is not certain? And how does someone know when they are certain? Without certainty how can anyone expect to directly manifest that which is both pictured and desired? If you are not certain that something can be done, then outer reality will reflect that uncertainty, and your manifest desire will be uncertainly manifest, if anything tangible happens at all. This is no idle play on words for anyone working out the myriad issues that can affect one’s ability to immediately and directly manifest that which is desired; not by manipulation of what already is perceived as existing, but directly out of the vast ethereal substance of consciousness. As such, having certainty is of the utmost importance. Moreover, the amount of certainty one has can be said to be inversely proportional to how much “realness” one sees and therefore also experienced in physical outer reality. Ironically, when outer reality is perceived as unreal there is a greater chance of certainty and that what is desired will be brought forth into manifest form, as opposed to when outer reality is judged to be even a little bit real, whereupon you will have zero certainty that direct manifestation is possible. And so when outer reality is basically seen as real you will be what is usually considered to be a more or less normal, happily self-limited human being.
What you see and experience is what you are, i.e., the sum total of all that which you have chosen intertwined and woven together. You cannot see nor experience that which is not of your chosen reality. To see and experience more you must change and/or undo your self-limiting choices, which will result in a new and more expansive you.
Certainty can be either the gift of everlasting and joyous life or the cause of endless misery, suffering, and death—with that which predominates always the choice of the individual. When certainty is based on (non-judgmental) knowing it is the bringer of life and joy, but when it is based upon judgmental conclusions, and the edicts that such mental machinations beget, it is always the harbinger of decline, misery and death. The two sources of certainty can be mixed, but judgmental constructs are usually given precedence and the power of action, and so consequently, therefore, the driver of one’s ultimate future. Thus it is, the certainty that could bring about heaven on earth is instead neglected in favor of a certainty that ravages oneself until eventually all is lost, including, and finally, any remnants of the personality itself.
First came an awareness of self, then a judgment, followed by fragmentation, soon an assimilation, and then a rapid downfall.
The less real you make your inner reality and the more real you make outer physical reality the more real becomes your inner reality and the more unreal becomes the outer physical reality.
There is no truth, and yet everything is made true. The universe is a blank slate; we are the writer. We are nothing, and yet we are everything. Nothing is real, and so there is nothing to learn, except, perhaps, that there is nothing to learn. Thus it follows that I know nothing, because there is nothing to know, only illusion ignorantly made real, including this writing.
Fix yourself, and then the reflected world you perceive will then be experienced as fixed.
A master template is a foundational prototype, pattern or guide from which a similar likeness and or sub-template can be molded in a process whereupon the originating template remains perfectly unchanged and can be used in perpetuity as a source of perfection. In matters relating to the study of consciousness a master template can be thought of as the guiding principle or apparent law to which all things, whether manifest or not, must conform. It could be thought of as the basic underlying law that governs all that is, but it is not law, just a collection of choices that were haplessly imprinted and then congealed into a primal template during the formative moments of what we experience as consciousness. The reason this master template can be experienced as a fundamental, unchangeable law is because the primal entity associated with it during its creation has more or less denied that aspect of itself, thereafter effectively rendering the primal template forever fixed in its multitude of child fragments.
Given the process of essence fragmentation it is quite possible to have countless levels of sub-templates, depending upon what the fragmenting parental source holds within its mentality. Still, any such sub-templates would be more or less subject to and influenced by the “laws” of consciousness maintained by what could be called the master template. But what if the master pattern were to somehow be changed. Would all associated entities within the fragment chain also be affected, because the so-called laws that govern them will have been altered, with some aspects of the master template perhaps removed altogether?
So who is the entity responsible for and/or once closely associated with the formation of the master template? Could this template located in what could be thought of as the Godhead? Does the entity associated with it still exist, and is this ancient entity what many think of as God? Or has this long ago entity fragmented and denied itself into oblivion to the point whereby it is no longer able to recognize or know itself, thereby making itself effectively unable to access, update and/or alter the primal directive template? Could this “lost” template be what some refer to as the universal mind, the all-knowing macro version of the comparatively tiny and insignificant micro mind of humankind?
Outer reality is a reflection of the inner reality, and the inner reality is a reflection of outer reality—both identical reflections of each other, except one is tangibly touchable, the other not so much. Furthermore, the inner reality is perceived by the inner eyes, while the outer reality is perceived by the outer physical eyes, but can also be perceived by the inner eyes. So which is more real, the inner or the outer reality reflection?
It has taken me a long time to get to the point where I could see the duality of inner and outer reality reflections more or less melded into one, and when I saw it I immediately started laughing at my apparent discovery. And so, I wonder, is one more real than the other, or are both realities unreal, or are both perceived realities real, or does it matter? Or is it my focus of attention that makes one real and the other not?
But then if the inner reality is more mental (residing within the mentality), the outer more Will oriented (birthed by the feminine Will aspect), what happens in regards to reflections when the Spirit mentality and Will are reunited and fully integrated as equals and all becomes one—no definable inner or outer reality boundaries? Does a single reflection for everything reflect everything, while reflecting nothing at all because there is nothing to reflect back? This is the reflection conundrum.
Today the upgrade to the new Windows 10 Operating System goes worldwide, and I feel like I am being personally upgraded, too, but not by Microsoft. What I am experiencing is a consciousness upgrade, which has been made possible through having the foresight and gumption to devise and then undergo an extensive, long term awareness recovery regimen. As I have learned to successfully redeem more and more of my “lost” power and awareness, I feel like my mentality and body, each in their own unique way, are being upgraded, sometimes in small steps, sometimes in big leaps, they becoming ever more infused with a new and more vigorous sense of agility and Will based certainty. The changes are indeed welcome.
In an earthly setting the idea of being independent and self-sufficient is often thought to be a wonderful virtue, an advantage over others that supposedly brings with it a sense of personal security, self-worth, and an ability to carve out a home in spite of hardship and adversity. In other words, able to survive, if not thrive, in spite of what might happen to humanity as a whole. But for the long haul does being independent really accomplish such at first glance admirable seeming goals? And is the self-reliant individualist really better off than someone who chooses to depend upon a circle of talented friends that happily network and work together for their mutual benefit? Who is better off? There are no doubt zealous proponents who would jump at any opportunity to endlessly argue and prove their point of view.
Here are two standard definitions for the term “Independent:”
The problem with being independent, if there is one, becomes quite immediately apparent when consciousness as a whole is taken into account. The Independence Paradox can be expressed rather simply as follows:
Unfortunately, the independently self-sufficient individual (who has elected to be disconnected) must still rely on the forces of consciousness to be and remain conscious, and must also rely on and manipulate those physical things already made manifest, which constitutes a continuing dependency, whether this is recognized or not, while having the perceived experience of being independently self-sufficient, but without the power to manifest at will due to the choice to be independently disconnected. So who is truly independent and self-sufficient, the disconnected entity who refuses to be dependent on the forces of consciousness but that must still rely on it to be conscious , or the non-independent entity who depends and relies upon the forces of consciousness and can then independently use them and have the freedom to immediately and directly manifest at will any and all of that which may be desired?
The joke here is that when you cut yourself off from dependency on Creation through the choice to be independent you actually become more dependent on that which has already been created, and that you wanted to be independent from. Furthermore, you cannot directly manifest that which you truly and newly desire because you have made yourself independently self-sufficient, which means that you must physically strive, toil and forcefully manipulate substance for that which might be useful. Thus, the command to become independent ironically puts the entity in a position to be fully dependent on the very thing which it wants to be independent of, because the independent person has with premeditated intent voluntarily cut itself off and cannot therefore manifest in and of itself that which is wanted and/or needed. This is the dilemma of humankind, fighting for independence all the while becoming ever more dependent on that which is not wanted, secure, nor ultimately self-sustaining. What is the solution to this conundrum? Is it to give up one’s freedom and independence, or is it to be dependently independent? Understanding this paradox is the answer to everything, but it also answers nothing.
Most everybody today is looking frantically about for a cure for this and for that, seeking protection against evil microbial assailants always on the prowl for innocent victims, for crippling body dysfunctions that can seemingly strike for no good reason, as well as for anything else they believe attacks and bedevils them from outer reality. This could be anything, up to and including wild-eyed terrorists, or the abject and remorseless slavery that has become normal life, but more often than not it is microscopic or invisible in origin, attacking stealthily inside oneself, such as illness, body dysfunction, exhaustion, dreary boredom, or dread, but the true cure seems to always remain evermore elusive. And then there are the side-effects of any human-devised cures, which are often times more pernicious than the so-called cure itself. But this state of affairs will probably remain as it is, because what needs to be done to cure the earthly situation is that which nobody wants to contemplate, let alone do.
The cure is so simple, too simple for the average mind to notice or grasp. It merely requires letting go of the mind and its absurd collection of debilitating rules, notions, and “truths” about what life is supposed to be and what it is not. It means setting both body and soul free, to fly together unhindered amongst the heavens. Accomplishing this kind of goal means the individual must face and deal with what has never been accepted nor understood, that which prevents the magic of life from flowing. Foul attitudes, fixed judgmental concepts, and the painful accumulated denials that constrict the flow of life, and that lead to the experience of death, all need be forever resolved and gone. Then, and only then, will the omnipotent majesty of life be automatically restored and allowed to finally take its rightful place once again. Ah, Yes, freedom of the soul, freedom to breathe in the joy of life, and then let those who choose to remain suffocatingly mortal and energetically numb and dead bury themselves, and do so in whatever way they may judge to be fit.
The act of feeling energy shadows could be described as visually feeling the faint shadow of some energy construct being held fixed and in denial, and therefore not currently with the scope of an individual’s awareness. There have been countless times when working with someone in an awareness recovery context that I was able to spontaneously and intuitively sense through feeling inner and/or outer reality vision various energy shadows that were completely beyond and outside the scope of the person’s awareness. Exactly when this shadow seeing talent first surfaced and was put to use I cannot say. It may have been lying dormant within me forever, but in as much as I had been undergoing massive energy recovery episodes for quite some time this shadowy capability may have been moving more and more into the forefront, but without any fanfare or notice, until one day it was obvious that I could do it.
In the instance that spawned this writing it was my friend, who had also done a lot of awareness recovery work, but there were still mental and emotional aspects far beyond his self-imposed awareness boundaries, as is the case with me and probably everyone else. Earlier in the day he had been undergoing a large energy recovery, which had taken up residence within his body, but that had not yet integrated itself, and so the emotional and trailing mental components of this new surge of recovered aliveness were still a mystery for my friend. But for me as an observer this newly recovered energy held some content that—while not yet expanded and made easily recognizable—I could vividly see at least some of its “shadows” by letting my mental aspect come to a complete and restful state of inactivity. Then, by more or less allowing my consciousness “touch” this newly arrived essence, I could see its shadowy outlines in vivid 3-dimensional form, enough so that I could get a sense of the relative quantity of it while still in a compressed state, as well as discern a vague feeling of what the emotional content might be.
It is possible to know a lot about a person by feeling them out, paying careful attention to those personality qualities present, as well as noticing what qualities are not present, basically in denial and missing in action. Then by adding the ability to sometimes see energy shadows lurking nearby and/or in the background and understanding their importance is akin to slathering a layer of delicious icing on top of an already tasty cake.
There are only two major things I have yet to fulfill before I am done here; (1) the glorification of the body, and (2) the direct and immediate manifestation of that which I desire out of what might be called God substance, and in tandem with the aforementioned (3) the facilitation to whatever degree might be appropriate the re-unification of what can be thought of as fragmented and broken Heart essence. In the meantime and as my awareness process steadily advances, everything else I do is merely filler, something to occupy my time while mindlessly carrying out mundane chores and activities, any of which ultimately have no lasting value. But it is this valueless toil, the hallmark of humankind, that drives me forward to my ultimate goal.
Readers lurking in the shadows might like to imagine that when I write about some piece of newly received enlightenment that I have instantaneous command of not only the concept, but that I can immediately integrate and implement it in some kind of practical, maybe awesome, everyday way. However, this is a long, long way from how such a process actually proceeds, because any new realization is no more than a tiny bit of newness immersed and surrounded by a vast ocean of yet unresolved judgmental content, old denials, and misbegotten, unexpressed Will content lying compressed and ready to blast itself open. Nevertheless, when some new and perhaps novel bit of knowledge emerges, and, for sure, it is a welcome happening, this new piece of understanding, which fits into a much larger puzzle, must first be allowed to percolate throughout one’s entirety. This process takes time, and any new idea or concept will inevitably be in opposition to some or perhaps most previously retained, resident energy structures making up the total self. Any residue of old imprinting will tend to effectively distort and may well altogether prevent any new revelation from being soon effective, albeit part of the mentality and/or Will aspect may readily accept what has been revealed.
What must follow next is the systematic and meticulous resolution of all countermanding bits of mentality, as well as feeling Will aspect imprinting and conditioning resulting from past rigid judgmental impositions that are in opposition to any newly introduced enlightenment. Moreover, it also means dealing with the physical body and any antagonistic or oppositional imprinting it holds toward the new idea, old imprinting that has yet to be resolved. Dealing with everything in the way of harnessing new revelations is usually no small task, and can seem like an endlessly daunting travail to even the most enthusiastic awareness adventurer. But for those of us who persist, and who are willing to step-by-step deal with and actually resolve any previously triggered up resistive imprinting, either within the mentality or existing as “lost” emotional content lying unexpressed within the Will aspect, this is what we routinely do, no matter that it is both challenging and it can sometimes take years to accomplish what may at first glance appear to be simple.
In the meantime, as resolution work faithfully trudges onward resulting from any previously attained advances in awareness, the next bit of enlightenment will surely arrive unannounced, but welcome nevertheless, thereafter adding to the already confusing mix of triggered up festering resistance that is constantly working against the ultimate goals of the awareness student. Dealing with this increasingly complex mix of newly revealed enlightenment, mixed in with an armada of triggered up resistive content, is imperative, as is honestly and effectively dealing with and resolving whatever is confrontive within the totality of the self. This can often turn out to be a long, involved, and arduous process, which can push all but the most dedicated awareness adventurer into the arms of defeat, if and when their stubborn mentality is unwilling to persevere and deal with its previously self-created problems. But a failure to deal with any such self-imposed struggles is why most people fail, and a reason why I have said this particular awareness recovery work is for the hero/heroine, because the timid and unmotivated will quickly give up and fall away, preferring a lingering, rotting death instead of true life and the miraculous possibilities it offers.
To the extent that any attribute, characteristic, or quality is applied to anything perceived in outer reality (i.e., judging it) to that same extent it will be experienced as real. And to the degree that it is made real it cannot be fluid and/or magical; instead fixed and unyielding. This is because the choice to arbitrarily apply some attribute is a choice to make nothing into something that it is not, although it will always be nothing even when it is made to seem real. And so thereinafter that former nothingness will continue to be judged into something experienced as real, while nothing, if left alone, could be anything and everything without limit. Therein lies the power of free Will. So if you want everything allow it to be nothing, and then nothing can be whatever you desire and still nothing at the same time.A corollary to this refers to healing the personal body: You cannot heal that which is real, because what is real is perfect in its constructed realness, but it is easy to heal nothing, because it is not held judgmentally fixed as real. When you can attain the state of consciousness where nothing is real you will be a God over nothing, but simultaneously a master over everything whether manifest or not, all of which is actually an unreal nothing.
The aging of the body is proportional to the amount and intensity of the denial present. If you are a human, for instance, you have much denial. If you are a god denial is absent, or nearly so.
Memories can be held in within the mentality, but some of the pictorial content as well as all of the emotional content is held within the Will aspect. Keeping all of these memories intact is a huge energy burden, holding significant portions of the mentality immovably fixed, and vast amounts of Will energy rigid and densified. When contacting this densified Will energy it will be experienced as “heavy” and very lethargic. This accumulated weight has the effect of suffocating the body energies and the manifest construct they bring about, effectively weighing down the body, driving it into more and more immobility. As a reminder, lack of motion is death, while unrestrained vitality is life.
How we lost the divine perfection that is our natural state may be up for debate, but the actuality of what happened is an old and self-generated story. The original error, if it was in actuality an error, was nothing more than a simple choice—or so it seemed. No ramifications were considered, nor was there any awareness that horrific unintended consequences might come as a result. The mentality ignorantly, but arrogantly decided that it can of and by itself do a better job at manifesting and/or modeling substance than could the originating god-force that brought us life, and the perfect body we could otherwise be enjoying—if we had not been so arrogant as to presume that we could fix and/or make things better on our own. Moreover, we did not realize that it was our own mental foolishness that was creating the very things we sought to fix and make better. A consequence of this kind of self-delusion is that we have gotten a long way off from enjoying a perfect body free of ravages, and it seems to me that what could have otherwise been perfect is by simple observation declining in appearance, health, and vitality, more so every day. So it seems that our grand and arrogant plan to fix and improve on nature is turning out to be a grand and utter failure. But having observed mankind for a long time I expect that the same old misconceived busy-ness will continue on and on as usual, as humanity keeps on hoping for the best while pursuing that which does not ultimately bring the results sought.
What you perceive—whether that be inside or outside—are your judgments in action, taking manifest form, so that you can see them and their effect. That is why reflections are so useful in any awareness journey.
What is called technology is nothing more than the bit by little bit modification or stretching of the prevailing belief system to accommodate the new so-called “discovery” or advancement, so as to allow it to then become a normal part of the current, mutually consensual life experience. As such, there is no such thing as technology, just tiny changes in consciousness that permit what is judged and/or perceived as some kind of advancement in the state of technological progress. All is consciousness, and what you get is that which fits into and within the limits of one’s belief paradigm, with occasional blips of conscious expansion along the way. This means that anything is possible, as long as it is within the perceptive limits imposed by a belief system. That which is possible, but outside the current belief system, cannot be experienced, even though it might be usefully experienced by someone else with a less restricted world view.
Effort is the fools-gold of the ignorantly unaware. It occurs in the absence of a penetrating self-awareness. It is a self-induced trap that constantly requires some degree of effort to make and/or achieve anything, and it simultaneously keeps the believers of effort supremely lost, confused, and forever diverted from the self-knowing that would otherwise eliminate any need for incessant toil, and bring forth the keys to it all—effortlessly. If something requires effort it was not meant to be, and as such it will ultimately wither and cease due to the exhaustion of the entity forcing some sort of effort. This is a dead man’s game—the game of effort—with the winner being an eventual extinction for the giver of effort—unless the effort addicted person should choose to awaken and recover thy self, along with the awareness that goes along with it.
Everything is no more than an energy expression, an energy dance, of sorts. It has no permanence or reality in and of itself, but if you choose to see and judge it as real, well, then, thereafter you will experience those formerly vaporous energy expressions as though they are real, and they will be as physically permanent as you make them.
As one nears the goal it can seem like there is a dry spell in which no apparent awareness progress occurs, or is even seemingly possible. It just goes on and on, repetitive cycle after monotonous cycle with perhaps only insignificant variations, until one wonders whether they should just give up and face whatever consequences might be in order. But in time—its time, not mine or yours—understanding comes and the grueling progression starts to make sense. Yes, it becomes obvious, that progress has been made, immense progress, although one could confidently and absolutely insist that nothing useful was occurring during the long, long dry spell. It is no wonder that no one has made it out of the self- made denial pit. It is so deep, so all encompassing, and next to impossible to see beyond the choices that created it. Escape has seemed impossible, but simultaneously the process of de-entombment is and has always been simple, easy, and yet so interminably difficult—yet doable with a keen eye and absolute determination. Perseverance and knowing with certainty is the key, without which the traveler will almost certainly and irreparably confuse themselves and suffer some kind of self-induced defeat. Consciousness is a harsh mistress. There is no morality, and there is no such commodity as fairness. You either understand it accurately enough to enjoy its limitless bounty and beauty, or you do not—your choice, just as it has always been.
To the extent that an entity is fragmented (i.e., incomplete), to that same proportion will it be unable to perceive the whole of outer reality. This myopia can be observed by the rise in specialization. Few people now are capable of seeing and/or comprehending the big picture, perceiving only unconnected bits of it, while proclaiming their unquestionable expertise. The age of ignorant stupidity is upon us, but most are now too fragmented to notice.
I have often heard it expressed that when someone died they had the experience of “going toward or into the blinding white light of Spirit,” and/or “all that is,” and that “all was pure, unconditional love.” Along with this there have been ancillary statements along the line of what a great relief it was to be freed of the physical body, whereupon a great weight was lifted. From an awareness point of view these are very telling statements. In sharp contrast, however, I can remember a few past life deaths and this kind of “going into the light” thing is not the experience I had. I did not go toward any bright white light, nor did I feel like a great weight was lifted once shed of my physical body. Instead my personality and emotional qualities stayed intact and I soon chose my next incarnate situation. So, then, who goes toward the light, and who does not, and why the difference?
The more the body shrivels up with “age” the more judgmentally induced energy suffocation is present. As the body energies are effectively throttled, ever more inhibited, and finally shut down through judgmental edict the body accordingly withers and dies—reflecting the self-induced loss of vitality and essence. This kind of cause and effect relationship is a fundamental tenet of the physical outer reality enactment, and it is a condition that can be easily reversed through judgmental resolution, which then facilitates the recovery of deadened and lost parts of the total self, simultaneously reinvigorating the Will and body aspects. This is the secret to enjoying everlasting physical life, allowing the energies of life to flow unimpeded by mistaken ideas, beliefs, and moral injunctions.
Where there are rules there is no magic.
Where there is no magic there is powerlessness.
Where there is powerlessness there is death.
And where there is death there is also mankind.
Life is not logical, it is emotional. Nevertheless, people keep on trying to make it logical, working feverishly to force it into a box that it does not and cannot fit.
Today I seem to have reached my tolerance for eating anything commercially made and/or prepared by humans. What they consider to be good food simply sickens me with its entrained sour intent and cooked, adulterated, and non-freshly preserved ingredients. Even such a simple thing as a salad, with hybridized and/or tasteless produce scattered over lettuce treated so that it does not turn brown, has become a travesty to my body. Unless I can get fresh organic produce, essentially unscathed by man, that I can juice or eat raw I am out of the food game—and I like it that way, because my body is now much too clean and happy for me to stupidly ruin it again by eating foods meant for dead people.
This morning while lying in bed I was noticing that I absolutely do have, at this very moment, the ability to energetically transform my body into whatever state of health, vitality, and/or condition I might choose, and that I could do this simply by putting my attention and intent toward that omnipotent part of me lying semi-dormant deep within the core of my mentality, which is fully capable and willing to create so-called miracles whenever I genuinely choose to allow such. Moreover, I could do this anytime I want, thereby effortlessly transforming my body and associated outer reality experiences, having them look and feel precisely the way I from moment to moment want them to be. But instead there is a significant part of my mentality that wants to divert my point of attention away and onto the unreal, i.e., to play with things in what I perceive to be a safely solid outer reality theater. Why is this? Why do I seem compelled to choose that which is an unreal result, a mere reflection, instead of that which is real, my own inner reality kingdom that inspires in to creation the impermanent outer reality dance? This choice to deny the miraculous is utter insanity. I inwardly prefer to cut-off that part of me that has the power to have outer reality reflect whatever it is I desire, while deliberately choosing that which has already been created and then forced to be rigidified through judgmental injunction, so that I can pretend to enjoy playing with it, no matter that such a choice is ultimately unfulfilling and leaves me adrift with a personal body filled with neglect, discomfort, and pain of all types. After many decades of dedicated awareness work this is what I come to realize: I am voluntarily choosing to be the opposite of what I really am, having intentionally, step by step, made myself into a weak imbecile afraid of its own magnificence and awesome power. What insane folly this is, and what incredible stupidity. But as a good friend often reminds me, “you don’t have to be smart to be human.”
A pretended personality can only make pretended decisions; a real personality can make either real and/or pretended decisions. But no matter what you do with pretense it always results in more and increasingly exaggerated pretense.
It is a curious trait that people tend to choose the distant mirage, happily chasing after the imagined fantasy instead of enjoying that which they already have close at hand and that could be easily maximized for immediate enjoyment. It seems that someone could hold humankind’s greatest treasure but realize or enjoy it not, because they instead chose to focus on some hoped for distant fantasy that would never be anything more than a fleeting and empty dream, all the while ignoring and even pushing away that which was already theirs to behold. I have observed this self-defeating behavior over and over again ever since I was a little boy, watching it play out flawlessly in family members, classmates, business colleagues, and passing acquaintances, as well as community and government leaders at all levels. Nobody seemed to learn from past mistakes, repeating the same useless scenario over and over again, in what seemed to me to be a really stupid thing to do, even though I sometimes did it myself. But the difference between me and those countless reflections that I witnessed is this: I know how to reverse and stop the insane act of repeated self-immolation within myself, which I have done to a great extent, but not yet completely. So when will I fully choose to stop chasing after some distant puff of wind?
Fasting works wonders because almost all of what people like to put into their mouth kills them to some degree, and it is their body that then physically manifests such accumulatively destructive behavior, which they tend to insist on doing unto themselves. Likewise, fasting from one’s inner mental dialog can work wonders, too, by stopping the barrage of judgmental intonations that continually affect and damage the totality of the self (which includes the reflected physical body). This kind of awareness work excels at achieving an inner solitude by systematically resolving the very judgmental content that generates the otherwise incessant inner dialog. Furthermore, it does this with great efficiency and dispatch, but the downside is this: Virtually nobody wants to truly deal with themselves. Ignorance is bliss, some would say. Consequently, this awareness work is of no value, because people refuse to understand and/or use it effectively, except perhaps for the valiant hero or heroine who is actually willing to see and deal with who and what they have made of themselves. Unfortunately, as of this writing, I can count all of those exceptional individuals that I know of on one hand.
The only thing special about me is that I am not special; the only thing unique about me is that I am not unique. This is what makes me uniquely special.
There is no life, and there is no death—only consciousness, which is no-thing, unless an observer asks for some-thing.
There comes a time in life when the mentality is finally ready and willing to give up its insipid ideas of self-importance and realize that it is not alone in this journey of life, and that it has an equal companion that up till now, although it may have ignored it almost completely, it cannot get along without it. In this particular writing I am referring to the apparent personal physical body, but my comments are not limited to it, and also include anything related to the Will aspect. And so it is that I am finally willing to realize that my body is an equal living being, one that has suffered greatly due to my self-motivated arrogance and neglect, but that I now am ready to embrace and walk forward hand-in-hand as my equal partner in life and all that is.
Whew (brushing away the blood, sweat and tears of the past), what a tortuous journey it has been getting up to this point, dragging my body along as though it was a helpless slave and worthless chunk of flesh. So I have paid the price of self-blindness and the ignorance that it begets, and will continue to do so until body is able to recuperate and carry on as my esteemed friend and colleague. It is amazing how stupid we human beings have become, all due to our own misbegotten mental ideas, notions, and feigned intelligence. It is not my place to fix or change others, only myself, and I can now accept the horrors other entities inflict on themselves, while wondering if and when they, too, might one day look beyond their self-created blindness and see the glory that awaits at the very tip of their nose.
Bompah was an “affectionate” name given to my maternal grandfather. How and why this odd name came about I do not know, only that he was “Bompah.” It was a moniker he sometimes used himself, as in, “I’m his Bompah” (translated: I’m his grandfather). My maternal grandmother, Isabelle, called him Arthur, loudly so when she was upset with him, which seemed to be most of the time. Arthur was a woodworker/carpenter by trade, and he also raised chickens at home for food and income. He was never the epitome of financial success, but produced enough income to keep his household together. What I remember of Bompah was that he was usually polite, but gruff and with a semi-angry scowl regarding his less than fulfilling experience of life. Nothing ever seemed to work out in his favor. He just got by through sheer toil, while his children ended up leading financially secure lives, something that eluded him and probably only made matters look worse and more unfair to him.
I was at his bedside when he died in the afternoon of March, 17, 1957. He was the first of my grandparents to go. It was late afternoon when he closed his eyes for the last time and entered into permanent sleep. Bompah was dead. He had the same old gruff look and furrowed scowl of personal disappointment and failure tattooed on his face. I had not thought much about Bompah recently until today, when I noticed what seemed to be a part of myself that was morose, angry, recalcitrant, and with its heals dug in resisting life. This energy was brooding and fretting over body and its inability to be anything more than a painful nuisance, and something that could not heal itself of the pains and suffering that it alone caused. Wow, I thought, this feels like something from Bompah! Exactly when I took in this energy I know not, but at the time of his passing I did not have the awareness about living energy and its interactions that I have today, and so this part of Bompah could have jumped in discrete stages leading up to the moment of his death, plus a final big jump at the time of his death. Knowing the precise timing of how and when the energy may have transferred to me is something that will probably remain unanswered, but it does not matter much anyway. What matters is that part of Bompah is embedded within me and that is what I need to understand and deal with today.
Well, I immediately went deep into myself and allowed myself to really feel this stubborn bit of Bompah, whereupon I made a rather simple decision. If Bompah’s energy wanted to stay with and be a part of me it would have to let go of its old, wretched anger and resistance to life, or it must leave me and go where such attitudes are wanted and enjoyed. There was no shouting, waving of arms, or any theatrics. It was a simple choice made quietly and without fanfare. I knew what I wanted and what worked for me. This then put Bompah’s energy remnants to choice; to either go away or to stay and let go of what it had been fiercely holding onto. The choice was made and I went on proofing a friend’s book, sitting outside in the pleasantly warm but winter Florida sun. A few minutes later I noticed that Bompah was quietly self-resolving, his tired heaviness lifting, and the adverse effects of his old energy personality disappearing without a trace. Within maybe a half-hour Bompah was essentially gone, but his self-cleansed and now free energy chose to remain. I was finally rid of Bompah, not through denial, but because what remained of him had elected to let go of what it had been holding those many long years. Bompah and I were now free of our former self-imprisonment.
Constantine Hering (1800-1880) was born on January 1, 1800, in Oschatz, Germany. While attending Leipzig University, in Germany, he was the student assistant of a doctor who had been asked to write a book disproving the legitimacy of homeopathy. In an odd twist of fate the doctor referred the project to his assistant, who eagerly accepted the assignment. Hering ardently studied the writings and teachings of Samuel Hahnemann, known as the "founder" of homeopathy, and then expanded his research by conducting his own experiments. Many people consider Hering to be one of the founders of homeopathy in America. Hering’s Law of Cure formulated the direction of symptoms, and states that all healing occurs:
When I became vitally interested in natural healing way back in 1977, Hering’s Law was one of the first things I heard about in regards to what to expect during any natural healing recovery process. My own experience does not dispute this so-called law for situations whereby a steady state of consciousness is maintained. However, for a natural healing situation where an awareness recovery process is also in progress it is my experience that the awareness recovery gains greatly influence the outcome and flow of symptoms, and as such, the awareness process become the dominant factor. Here any awareness gains will affect the rate and apparent type of Will recovery, which in turn affects certain related parts of the physical body, thereby altering the order by which parts of the body seem to heal. Because of the Will recovery it is the foundational aspects of the body that may tend to heal first, and from the feet and lower body upwards. This is essentially backwards as stated in Hering’s Law, although within a specific body area undergoing healing Hering’s law may still be evident as a localized and/or secondary factor.
So you think you want to do awareness work? Well, okay, then make the climb without any safety rope, with nothing to fall back on and/or break your fall. If you cannot do this you must fail. It is not possible to keep all or part of the judgmentally rigidified worldview you currently have and simultaneously enjoy the unlimited greatness of a god. The former is about judgmental limitation, contraction, and death, while the latter is about unlimited life with the freedom and power to express its vast possibilities with boundless joy and enthusiasm. You can have one or the other, but never both—the two states of beingness are mutually exclusive. So if you want the majesty and greatness of a god you make the climb without a rope—and the Will to do so will surely find you and carry you home most of the way.
In alternative medicine there is a commonly known phenomenon called a “healing crisis.” This is when the body has accumulated enough strength to spontaneously go into a sometimes almost frenetic healing mode whereupon old symptoms suddenly reappear and the body vigorously attempts to expel accumulated toxins and heal itself of previous damage. For some people, who are mentally ignorant and unprepared for such an event, it can be a frightening ordeal. Nevertheless, while perhaps rigorously intense it usually only lasts a relatively short period of time, whereupon the body returns to normal, but with increased vitality. In the aforementioned context the “healing crisis” is generally considered to be limited to the physical body. Although the person may be focused on the body and carry out various body cleansing and nutritional techniques this is tantamount to choosing to change some part of the mentality, i.e., changing the inspiring consciousness that determines one’s life experience.
However, for the awareness student the physical body is a creation of the Will aspect, influenced by the chosen consciousness held within the mentality. In this context the “healing crisis” is the end result of what amounts to giving permission for a partial deconstruction of one’s current idea of reality, thereby returning it to a previously more energetic state of being. For a “healing crisis” to occur permission to release must somehow be granted to those parts of one’s consciousness creating that which is found to be unpleasant, in the above case it being the sickly condition of the physical body. For those old conscious constructs to release requires that they express out what intent they have been holding, and once that is done the energy is set free and available for new inspiration, which hopefully will be more to the entity’s liking. Thus it is, by giving permission for the old to express out and come to rest of its own accord one’s current reality can be incrementally deconstructed through a series of “healing crisis” releases. As this step-by-step process moves along the entity’s vitality and conscious awareness improves, allowing for new and more aware choices that can set into motion even more healing deconstructions of one’s old and tired situation in life.
Trying to heal the body is a tacit admission that it is believed to be real and imperfect (i.e., it needs fixing), and that it is a product of an independent outer reality, and not the resultant creation of the Will as influenced and directed by the judgmental actions of the person’s inspiring mentality. Judging it this way is a fatal mistake, because seeing it as real, and probably also as some kind of self-governing biological blob, allows it to be healed only to the extent allowed by the person’s belief system. True healing, or full healing, can only be achieved when most, if not all, mistakenly made and judgmentally enforced limitations are removed, or in awareness parlance, resolved. This then allows body energies to flow unimpeded and perfect health is restored. The above logic suggests that all physical attempts at trying to fix and/or heal the “real” body can only be moderately effective at best, or must fail altogether, depending upon the belief paradigm held tightly within the mentality. Of course, many people will claim that they have been healed, but this so-called healing will be, nonetheless, constrained, so as to fit within the belief confines projected into their perceived sense of outer reality, which is, of course, determined by the mental constructs that inspire those apparent limitations.This is not to say that attempts at healing a “real” body are not worthwhile and a valuable adjunct to any awareness curriculum, because any such attempted therapy may keep the body functionally alive long enough for the awareness student to get beyond the usual belief system limitations. Thus by resolving the beliefs that serve to keep the body imprisoned true and palpable vitality gains can become naturally permanent. The trick here is to do what you can to make it as easy as possible for body to thrive and survive, while you continue to awarely go about removing the old judgmental obstacles that have been hindering body and its ability to expand into a less dense and more perfect state. This might include nutrition, energy medicine, bodywork, and other natural modalities. In summary, it is the self-inspired energy construct behind the manifest body that must be healed if full healing is the goal, not the projected physical body itself.
Today while walking I had the enlightening experience of looking inside and seeing what I can best describe as the accumulation of death, i.e., a mountain of death inducing mental garbage. Consequently, it was suddenly very clear as to why physical death is a certainty. The ultimately lethal and wholly voluntary process of judgmental accumulation is something that begins at birth, and as more and more judgments about the body and life in general gradually accumulate the body in turn incrementally undergoes what might be likened to energy suffocation. This then manifests as a loss of body agility and vitality as it is more and more inhibited by what amounts to a judgmental energy blockade. This usually unnoticed inner process tends to accelerate over time, as well as continue unabated until death. Then after reincarnation, if enough personality remains to do so, the cycle of more judgmental accumulation begins anew. It is such a simple process, one so easily observed, but yet so impossible to see and resolve without some serious and highly successful denial recovery effort. Getting a glimpse of the causal pile of judgmental sludge (using my inner eyes) is very motivating for me, and is a good indicator that I am on the right path to really resolving the experience of death. Time will, of course, validate this possibility one way or another.
When I was a kid my mother took me and my two sisters to the Clyde Beatty Circus. The big tents and various concessions were setup on an empty field somewhere near downtown Los Angeles, California. It was a swelteringly hot day, and a long line of eager circus goers was waiting impatiently outside the entrance to the main tent. My oldest sister was feeling faint from the heat and so we walked a short distance to the side-show tent for a respite from the blazingly hot sun. It was surrounded by large, very colorful posters that beckoned visitors. This allure coupled with the enticing words called out by the barker standing at the tent entrance made the price of admission seem a bargain. I had long wanted to see a circus side-show and so I was excited for the opportunity. Once inside there was the obligatory sword swallower and the fat lady, along with a host of other human oddities and exhibits that I no longer remember. The brief trip through the side-show was not nearly as thrilling as I had hoped, and soon we were standing outside again under sweltering sun. After waiting around for what seemed like forever, my mother decided to take us home and so I never did get to see the main circus attraction.
The side-show is the point of this writing. I remember when some people began to decide that it was belittling and degrading for people to be seen as side-show freaks, no matter that this is how some circus people chose to make a living and seemed to enjoy a circus lifestyle. Nowadays, however, several decades later, it is plain to see why the circus side-show no longer has the popularity it once enjoyed. Except for the sword swallower and the “rubber man” all one need do today is take a stroll through almost any local shopping mall, and/or a Walmart Store, and from wall-to-wall you will see some of the most unusual people you might imagine. It’s a better show than the old circus side-show. While the oddities do not yet closely resemble the 1977 Star Wars bar scene, a large part of our society seems to be well on its way to looking just as astonishingly odd and in some cases equally grotesque. How far can this transformation go and why are people doing this to themselves? For myself, I just watch the show and pay attention to any reflections that catch my eye, and then choose again to go toward majesty and holiness, exalting my body, instead of purposely damaging, destroying, and ultimately denying it.
That which must be forced is useless, worthless, a mere belief, ephemeral, transitory, and a burden to the soul. Force requires a constant output of energy and sooner or later the energy necessary to maintain such force exhausts itself, whereupon the belief system being enforced will fall into the oblivion it deserves. Any idea that must be fought over and defended is false, a powerless mental construct that is not real nor worthy of effort. In contrast, what is known with certainty is secure. No one fights over what is absolutely known, only that which they want to think they know. Moreover, the more vicious be the fighting, the more false and imaginary be the idol.
Here is a simple example of this principle in operation: If someone hands you a heavy rock neither you nor the person giving you the rock will fight about what it is, because you both know, but you may take the rock and hit your opponent over the head with it if he/she dare not agree with your righteous idea of god. The person who knows themselves need not fight, while the person who knows not will fight about everything, desperately needing to prove by its fighting that it must be right. Thus, it could be said that the disparity of discord equals the falseness of an idea; the intensity of fighting equaling the intensity of insanity, ignorance, and stupidity. The more someone must explain and prove their point of view the more false it must be.
You can’t choose what it is you can’t choose, or, put another way, you can’t see past your current choices and the limitations they impose so as to make a more advanced and definite choice. All you can see when immersed within a box is the sides of the box, and no choice can be made beyond the edge of the box until you can see and feel beyond it. When you are just starting out on an awareness journey and if you want to get your personal power back, for instance, you must choose to get your power back. But what does that mean? What is personal power? How can you choose it if you don’t know what it is? And even if you do not know what it is how do you get it back?
In the beginning the best you will be able to do is choose what you imagine to be personal power, which will not truly be anything like personal power, but it is where you must begin your awareness recovery journey. By recovering lost parts of yourself, bit by frustrating bit, you will sooner or later have more awareness and experiences that smack of real personal power, and with each advancement in awareness and feeling Will recovery you will be able to see further and make a more informed choice. And then, finally, one day you will feel personal power emanating from your abdomen, the seat of the Will, and if and when this Will presence is allowed to touch and integrate with your mentality you will then know what personal power actually is, and at that wonderful moment you can actually know to choose it, but not before.
A busy mind or god, which will it be? A busy mind is busy for a reason, and the choice is simple. What would your life be if you were not kept entertained by a busy mind? Nothingness? Boredom? Emptiness? So, what if you do resolve those choices that invite, instigate, propagate, and constantly incite the need for a busy mind and its endlessly distracting noise? What then?
Answer this and you will soon be at the threshold of answering another question: Why did you dispense with the power of your Will aspect, and why is it not constantly filling you with the majesty, joy and omnipotence of truly being alive? But getting to the place of unconditional mental silence, as I mean it, cannot be achieved thorough denial of the mind, parts of oneself, or anything else. It can only be attained when all of the reasons for a noisy mind have been observed, understood, and undone (resolved), so that the mentality falls peacefully quiet of its own accord, naturally, without even a whisper of coercion or denial. Only then do the questions of the Will’s disappearance begin to appear discernibly on one’s inner horizon. Then, once you have gained the willingness and stout courage to honestly let go of all the obfuscating busy-ness that the mentality has created, you must muster any additional courage necessary to undo what has directly brought you a powerless body and death.
This is where I now stand, my mind finally letting go of all the self-defeating noise and obscuring pretense, all of which temptingly fills the void left putrid and empty due to my Will’s collapse. As I stare and haltingly walk into the bleak inner emptiness that now clearly faces me what will I do? Will I choose to turn back, or choose to go forward, embracing balance and an unrestrained Will that is my full equal and the godliness that goes with it? Will I be the coward or the hero? The moment of choice is near….
Earlier this morning I realized that when I go out into public places I exercised a programmed desire to paint a grand level of intelligence onto the faces of the people passing by. Thus, I was not “seeing” what really existed, but, rather, what I wanted to “see.” I was observing this embedded tendency with fascination when my inner view broadened into one that encompassed a much larger part of my mentality. It was a part that I had never observed until this moment in time, although I had long recognized that there were still parts of myself that were still cloaked and therefore essentially invisible to my inner vision. But, today, more of the old, remaining mysteries were revealed.
So, as I sit here writing this I am watching the part of my mentality that constructs the world, i.e., the world as I see and experience it. This, of course, incudes as well what I perceive when I look out into the universe at all of the distant stars. None of it is real; only by construct. It is not a surprise to me to finally observe myself doing this, but it is an achievement to have cleared out so much of my mental litter that I can casually observe the actual deeper mechanism that goes about constructing the “real” world that I experience. So, then, what does this mean? It means that I am one step closer to undoing my world view and having life more and more the way I want and enjoy it.
This newly revealed inner realm is still made up of the same old stuff, judgments, attitudes and beliefs, but at a much deeper and fundamental level. Are there more levels beyond this? Probably; time will tell. In the meantime, I get to work with a much deeper level and bit by bit understand and resolve it. Where this will lead to next is unknown, but one thing I am certain of is that I will be able to remove some last vestiges of “painting over” that have been holding back my awareness progress. The ramifications of this latest revelation are profound, at least for me, in that I am realizing at a much deeper level that nothing is real, only my experience of what I have elected to construct is real. If there is any truth it is that there is not truth, only choice and nothing but choice.
It is rather enjoyable to watch all of this mental activity from afar, with the next step being to move closer and into the activity, so as to see, feel and understand why I made the choices that govern my construction of a world view. Getting to this level of awareness has been a long journey. Remarkably, I am often amazed at the accuracy of the material in the Supplemental Manual, which can be used to lead oneself invariably to this kind of super awareness. Albeit most of the Manual is now over ten years old, it remains just as useful as it was when first laid down on paper.
We like to view ourselves as highly intelligent beings, at the top of the intellectual food chain. And, yet, we are fundamentally nothing more than some sort of intelligent energy strung up on an unseen matrix that then allows us to perceive ourselves as some sort of dense material form, like everything else we think we see and touch. But some would say that all is mostly empty space, with a little bit of matter in the form of atoms tossed in. Essentially, then, we are mostly nothing, except perhaps the product of an interaction of unmanifest energy, but due to our superb mental “intelligence” we have overwhelmingly convinced ourselves that we are not energy. We have elected to judge that we are something more or less solid, and a biological contraption prone to disease and eventual but unavoidable death, subject to certain immutable physical so-called laws, we being at their effect, not ours. Thus, we are self-made slaves subjugated by our own choices, unable to escape the chains of toil and misery that we willingly foist upon ourselves, instead of knowing who and what we are—a limitless flow of uncontainable energy that makes up everything. Why are we not free? Why do we strive to remain imprisoned in a jail made up of immaterial notions about ourselves?
Is this situation not the ultimate self-induced indignity, and the ultimate insanity—or more to the point, complete and utter madness? We have reversed everything by making it all appear and act backwards. We, the gods, have made ourselves disheveled slaves to a false idea of intelligence that brings us nothing but endless powerlessness, abject grief, poverty, misery, turmoil, and ultimately a rotting physical death, and yet we hail this morbid achievement as though it were some sort of grand triumph. Thus, we have earned and therefore deserve our self-inflicted lot. Nothing is coming to save us because we are the savior we seek, and unless we save ourselves from our own self-imposed delusions and self-serving blindness we are all but done, and perhaps rightly so. As it states in the bible: “Thy Will be done,” but in this case it is not heaven that will be done but hell. The state of divine Holiness is not possible without wholeness, i.e., “Holiness” and “Whole-ness” are one and the same, and wholeness cannot be conceived nor implemented when the gods that we are have chosen instead to deliberately fragment ourselves and deny the truth of who and what we are.
Ah, yes, the glorious feelings of pain endured for a courageous death. They trickle up and nourish the Spirit and its delirious mind. That delicious Spiritual edification whereby death is exalted as the ultimate penance, a noble sacrifice, the painfully joyous pinnacle of Spirituality, which are, in and of themselves, reward enough for a life well spent. Spirituality at is finest, to wit, the courageous casting off of the fleshy body for some pompously righteous cause. This kind of thinking is for the living dead, those foolish souls who have chosen to remain disconnected from the feeling part of Creation, the Will and its Body. Thus, majesty and holiness remain a mere mental dream.
One cannot be whole when judgmentally divided and fragmented into parts, and intent on denying all that has been forever judged as base, lower, and unwanted, i.e., the Will and Body. All is divine, and divorcing oneself from any part of the whole renders the Self incomplete, impotent, broken, fallen from grace, and tangibly not whole, i.e., adrift with no remaining hint of divinity and the innate holiness that goes along with it. Once disconnection occurs all that remains is just a pretended and powerless dream imagined to be life. This is where I am, where you are, what I have made for myself, but it is not where I am going, nor shall an empty and powerless life be my ultimate fate.
I feel like I’m in a strongly constricting energy box of my own making. It holds me tight; I cannot move or get beyond its solid feeling boundaries, which I can feel holding me rigidly fixed and squeezed tight on all sides. And, by golly, today my lungs feel especially constricted and it seems hard to breathe. What a perfect reflection, showing and letting me feel how I have restricted and shut down and essentially killed a huge part of myself, a part that cannot live or breathe freely and is compressed into a state of lethargy, pain, and lifelessness. Today is the first time I can easily discern and feel the constraints of the energy box—an impenetrable seeming barrier that stands between me and a greater and fuller life. Outside this box is full living and a magical life of power and orgasmic pleasure; inside the box is the plodding human life, constricted, unaware, slow, insipid, and almost devoid of anything that could be called real living. It is the next best thing to being dead. Naturally, these opposite states are mutually exclusive.
A constricted and nearly dead existence is required if one is to live the normal human life, one of a predictable and rigid inner and outer fixed reality, so as to relish and play with technology and pretty manmade stuff. An unrestricted life, in stark contrast, filled with joyous omnipotence and abundance is that of a god. Nothing else is needed when this kind of supreme condition is given sway. Constriction and full expression do not and cannot mix. In short, you are either a next to lifeless human or a living god. Which shall it be? What shall I do? Well, of course, I shall find my way out of my self-imposed box.
Yesterday, on several occasions, I quietly decided to still my mind, and it stopped and all was eerily calm and peaceful inside. My body relaxed, my physical vision improved, and I stopped squinting in the bright midday glare of sunlight, my eyes effortlessly adjusting to the sun’s glorious light. Evidently I have done enough mental resolution work that I can now, at the merest whim, have my mind fall happily silent, serenely quiet, and almost inert. Today it happened again, spontaneously this time, my mind voluntarily and effortlessly falling quiet with no hassle of fuss whatsoever. Then, once it stops, and all its mental noisy static silenced, an odd but very enjoyable thing happens. A window opens, whereupon I find myself peering through nothingness into a vast, beautiful, and untainted physical reality, one where my mind is absent. In this state it becomes easy to see how the mind purposely inserts itself into everything, and paints over and comes between, interferes with, corrupts, and regularly perverts the perfection of life that would otherwise be there for the having.
I have said many times that the mentality is causal, and this seems more so now than ever before. The difference today is that I can finally and clearly see how the mentality does its deadly and perverse magic, by purposely and with forethought intentionally killing the real magic of life by injecting its endless imperfections into the divine perfection of it all. But I willingly, albeit stupidly, continue to allow this, so that I can have a pretended life in a rigidly fixed reality that must constantly reflect back to me the death that I have inflicted upon myself by collapsing myself. I do this in order to fit in with and be accepted by the humans, as well as to live in a non-magical technology based reality that then allows me to play with “inanimate” stuff. The choice to keep on doing this seems like insanity, but an insanity that I still continue to choose, albeit less and less keenly as the days wear on.
During a small gathering of people interested in this awareness work I found myself watching my friend Rich working with them in various ways. He was doing his best to assist them, but more and more he cannot deal effectively with beginning students, and in the foreseeable future he probably will become more or less completely ineffective. This same kind of thing happened to me some years ago, and I continue to accelerate further and further away from being able to relate to people just beginning an awareness journey. The reason behind this is simple, albeit perhaps not an easy thing to comprehend for someone new to an awareness adventure.
As one advances, understands, and then resolves attitudes and other judgmental aspects of the mentality the supposed “realness” of life incrementally vanishes. Because the beginning student tends to see everything in outer reality as fundamentally “real” and the advanced facilitator sees it as “unreal,” a reality gap occurs that prevents the facilitator from dealing fully and to some degree effectively with a new student, the student and the facilitator being in increasingly different and therefore mutually unfathomable realities.
The solution to this dilemma is equally simple. The advanced facilitator moves away from teaching and/or facilitating, instead exploring new realms and depths of awareness. Someone else, also on an awareness journey, takes his or her place, the replacement having a reality view that is closer or somewhat equivalent to that of the student. That such a change of personnel is possible, however, presupposes that there will always be someone ready to slide into a facilitator position, although there are no guarantees that a substitute facilitator will ever be ready or available. Being that there is the possibility that no one will be ready or able to assume the job of facilitator suggests that the passing on of this awareness work could terminate at some point, and maybe soon. If this is to be the case, then it will be obvious that this work was intended only for a select few individuals, and that something else is the right place and path for everyone else. How this will turn out is yet unknown.
For the last few weeks a few people have been gathering at my home for some “awareness” discussions, but now that the more or less safe and exciting mental process of learning something about the basics of how the awareness process works is sufficiently completed it is time for more than just talk. And I have noticed that the closer it comes to getting beyond the talking stage the more clamped they all become, as well as all the more chatty, with the sessions becoming more of a social club setting rather than an awareness oriented one.
These boring and ultimately useless prattle sessions are beneficial in that it puts me in a position of making some choices for myself and clarifying what it is I really desire. Well, one thing is clear: I am not the gregariously social person who likes to sit and endlessly chatter about insufferable banalities. What is the point? I just don’t give a flying fuck about the foolish rubbish most people enjoy talking about, while denying what is really up for examination and possible resolution, although up till now I have remained polite and tolerant of the group’s overall tendency toward remaining essentially numb and dead.
I tend to be purpose driven, and my sole purpose is to reach my personal awareness goal of returning myself to my full totality. Getting together with other people for any other purpose does not interest me, wastes time and scatters my energies and intent. Consequently, when a so-called awareness gathering goes social I instantly get bored of the whole thing and feel almost compelled to run away from it, and return to my path of direct self-enlightenment. So, here’s my choice: If friends want to gather for some real awareness work and progress—not talk, but demonstrable action—then I’m in, but anything less than that and I’m out! I’ll just go about pursuing my own awareness goals and let the chatterboxes fritter away their lives all by themselves, and let them have what it is they really want, nothing real with everything just a pretended life filled with increasing dullness and misery they are too lazy to do anything about.
Today it seems that nothing has any real or intrinsic value. It is just stuff, without any value or merit of its own, except for when I judge it precious, and only then does it have value, albeit imagined. Otherwise all is valueless. But I still choose to make some things precious, for reasons that have yet to be discovered and resolved.
Another “push,” amounting to a series of spontaneous but connected mental reorganizations has come about within the last two days. I have felt dazed and awkward at times, everything more or less being slightly out of kilter, as though some part of me was rotated slightly askance from everything else. This morning the fog of reorganization seems to have lifted and I am in a twilight zone where material stuff clearly has no real value, and yet I can observe how my mentality can assign or manufacture value at whim. So, now, it is clearly more a question of what my mentality chooses to concoct and manufacture as having some sort of imagined value, versus everything intrinsically having no value or betterment over something else. It is a value-flat playing field, with any disturbances or undulations to that nothingness being nothing more than a perturbed interference by my meddlesome mentality.
I have reached a level of mental clearness whereby I can easily observe the mental mechanisms that choose to make up and assign some degree of value to something, anything, whether it be tangible and physically touchable, or not, such as a cherished old memory or something else wholly of some inner, esoteric reality. Now I seem to be tip-toeing into the realm of full choice. Thus, I wonder, what do I truly want? How do I exercise this new and growing freedom? If nothing has value, i.e., if I assign no imagined value to anything, then, what shall I choose? Can I now choose to have anything, without being hindered or faulted by misconceived choices of false value? I am intrigued. However, this may be a difficult position to embrace by the uninitiated mentality and its mind, because all that has been held precious and dear, those cherished ideals and memories, cease to be, and consequently all value and action dependent upon any such concocted worth falls swiftly away into oblivion. What is to fill the void when all worth, all valued moral precepts, all actions based upon good or bad are fully abolished? What to do when nothing remains but the “I am” part of the mentality, the Will, and, of course, choice? With no value to guide the mentality in its choices what will I do, or choose? What will guide me when inspiring something new, and that possibly has no limits? Does this leave nothing but the Will for feeling guidance? Who knows for certain? Not me, at least not yet. But what I do know is that I am suddenly stepping into a new reality that is a bit unfamiliar, but excitingly full of adventure nonetheless.
It is probably safe to say that someday in the foreseeable future I will be more alien to earth and its monotonous inhabitants than ever before. And yet I know that I will be happy, even joyous with a restored freedom to more fully live, move, and explore, and with no more obstacles. Nothing left but me and my Will, able to soar through the power and grace of my Will, and with the universe (and my friend Rich) as my companion, always at my side.
Note: My friend Rich Irwin, who proofed this writing before it was posted, insisted upon one correction. He wanted "and Rich" inserted into the last sentence after the word "universe," so that he, too, was included on my journey of universal exploration, which constitutes a powerful declaration of intent on his part.
Several days ago I had the fascinating experience of the Will introducing itself to me in a new way, by showing me its form. During the meeting there was no emotion, no pretense, all was open and without limit. The Will merely is. There is neither good nor bad, no evil, no morality, and no duality. There is just the Will, which provides that which is called forth by the mentality. I still vividly remember way back in the early 1990s when my mentality and the Will aspect first touched each other, and since that time I have gained a lot of experience in dealing with the Will as feelings and as an energetic force, magnetic feeling in nature, and seemingly unlimited in scope and versatility. But this latest meeting was very strikingly different, adding a new dimension to the Will aspect. I feel honored to be so trusted that the Will aspect would feel safe in revealing itself to me as having form, tangible form, but not in the way a disconnected mentality might awkwardly fumble around trying to envision what is meant by the Will having its own unique manifest form.
Perhaps it could be described as a form without a defined shape or limit, form without rigidity, thoroughly flexible and free flowing while impenetrably dark in nature, but a distinguishable and viably intelligent and knowledgeable form nonetheless. It could be likened to a dark cloud, fluid, and with lighter variations mixed in within the depths of profound darkness. It was an unexpected and pleasant introduction, and already, a few days later, I can begin to feel myself changing under its influence in subtle ways. What has still interested me in regards to the human world again recedes further into the background, the dazzling colors filling my previous human fascinations fading away gradually into a listless gray. My vision is altering, too, and I can discern that I can begin to see body in an odd, new way. I cannot put it to words, but what I see is distinct and easily discerned and quantifiable.
I am inevitably slipping further and further into a different but wholly welcomed reality. I can now see that that there is a way to “see” and experience body in a manner in which the mentality becomes an intimate and interconnected part of the physical structure, instead of being just an amorphous mental fog hanging around the head and upper torso, and that the united structure becomes a model of imperturbable fulfillment. It is looking more and more like this process will lead to an exacting perfection, that is, the body cannot be other than its perfect form, without error or waiver towards imperfection of any kind. Herein the mentality and body are one, and impervious to all external influences, unless the mentality so chooses to tarnish the perfection that is its heritage and right place.
How comforting it is to have been able to finally see clearly into the ultimate temple of body and all that is, although I am yet to breach the temple gates, I am standing ready to take my next step when I so choose. But I hesitate. Why? Oh, just a few little human interests still tug at my heart, and so, pathetically, I pause at the temple gates. I wait for myself, my glory calling me forward, but still I wait, stupidly hesitating on the dead and the remnants of death that I still clutch and have not yet resolved. Oh, how silly am I. Only footsteps from heaven and I stop to ponder, to consider the inane and unreal, temporarily stalled by a few tugs from my lifeless past, a past that holds neither real claim nor value. Still, though, I will eventually choose and move forward, taking the last steps toward what is already mine—wholeness and what is my perfect form. I realize that nothing is real, that only choice exists and the real experience of touching and living those choices troubling as they may be. All of this awareness work only to realize there is nothing to do, and yet I have done and continue to do. Why not just be the god, and forget all of the useless human foreplay? It is mine already—why do I not take it and be done?
I am again reminded of a quote from The Course in Miracles: “Oh, Holy Child of God, when will you finally realize that only Holiness can content you and bring you peace?” I know this to be true from my own independent experience, and so why do I still hesitate, to postpone the only thing I truly desire? Oh, you insane child, what does it take for you to let go and have what it is you really want, to have it all?
Here are some accepted definitions of soul:
In all three of the above definitions the soul can be said to equate with spirituality, i.e., of the mental or masculine fatherly aspect. But where is the feminine aspect, and where does it fit into the equation? And, oh, yes, because my family attempted to raise me in a Christian environment, there is the “Father, the son, and the holy ghost” thing, again with no mention or thought given to the feminine aspect. Of course there are many other examples, but you either get the picture by now, or you probably never will. In a nutshell, the soul is generally equated with spirituality in some way, holding the mental aspect high and it ultimately being a shining force of good and morality.
So, why then, do I write about the death of the soul, and how can this be? It is simple, the separated Spirit aspect, ignorantly devoid of any guidance from the feeling feminine Will aspect, always fragments itself through judgmental action, thereby eventually and terminally diminishing itself into eventual extinction. Therein is the mechanism for the death of the soul, when the mentality self-extinguishes itself.
Megalomania, n: (1) A mania for doing great or grandiose things. (2) Infantile feelings of omnipotence especially when retained in later life.
Hmmm. Oh, yes, those “Infantile feelings of omnipotence especially when retained in later life.” Isn’t it interesting that any inkling of one’s ancient past is quickly and routinely judged away and excoriated in the name of normalcy, and in the name of becoming a mature and sane adult? Considering this kind of attitude, as well as everything else that comprises modern education, it is no wonder that newborn infants increasingly devolve with time, step by judgmental step, moving inexorably toward being little more than self-made zombies, another of the walking dead, and then finally die due to a stinking rot that begins and then propagates from the inside out. But I digress.
Some months ago I was reading in a financial textbook that told the story of “gamblers” and their unconscious desire to lose. According to the book, this subconscious desire goes back to their childhood and early parental training that shatters the child’s sense of omnipotence and ability to get whatever it wants through “infantile” behavior. The mechanics of this process can be complex and convoluted and not the point of this writing. Moreover, I don’t necessarily agree with many of the precepts and conclusions of the author, but observe that the author is very much limiting himself to the normal societal ideas of a human reality. Doing this is neither good nor bad; just self-limiting.
In the book it is postulated that thinking oneself to be omnipotent and/or that one can freely have whatever it is that they want is seen as infantile and unrealistic; any such ideas must be corrected as the child matures, otherwise trouble will be unavoidable. Well, the idea of being able to have whatever it is someone wants might currently be generally unrealistic, but the source of this “infantile” idea is anything but infantile. It is embedded in the very fabric of whom and what we are. But, then, this begs the question, who are we? Who am I? Or better yet, the question could be restated: What am I? If and when the question is phrased as who am I the person probably holds the intent of asking: Who do I think I am? The question then results in a spitting up of whatever has been pre-programmed into the mind, which is then, by default, essentially a useless answer. It takes going well beyond the limits of the mind to ascertain an answer that might have some actual truth in it.
If you consider that the process of fragmentation exists, something obvious if and when you have the eyes to see and the ears to hear, and that it is the reason behind so many bits of individualized but incomplete essence, it might then be reasonable to presume that everyone must have come from some ancient parental pre-big-bang whole. It could also follow that this parental whole is the God of old that was worshipped, but that no longer exists because this once omnipotent entity has unawarely fragmented itself over the eons, transforming itself into a multitude of fragments that we experience and perceive today—a gazillion incomplete and relatively powerless people who more and more can’t make life work the way they want and desire.
The implications here may seem preposterously radical, asserting that everyone is a fragment of that original parental whole, or source, or God, or whatever else you may choose to call it. And when that “God’ was whole and complete, or maybe even still mildly complete, with its Will force intact and integrated, it would have been effortlessly possible to manifest and have what it wanted and when it wanted it. This compete being would have been omnipotent, and likewise, many of its more complete fragments could easily have retained some useable echo of that original feeling and sense of omnipotence, until, that is, it is beaten out of the fragment by unaware, highly fragmented and disconnected parents during its initial reincarnated childhood years.
Normally on earth, as the child “grows up” into adulthood it becomes more and more judgmentally “reasonable” and attuned to the usual deadened and morose “reality,” as it is steadily “educated” and coerced into what are judged to be generally accepted societal truths and norms. During this forced onslaught of feigned righteousness the child, by choice, steadily gives up, pushes down and loses any of the old residual Godliness that it still retained, and that is also its rightful heritage. Thus, the typical training given children on earth does happily and with premeditated intent, albeit perhaps motivated by arrogant ignorance, goes about destroying any vestiges of what could bring about awareness of former powers, as well as additionally preventing any real healing of the fragmentation problem that infects everything. The consequence of these societal pressures is that the so-called education process consistently makes the fragmentation situation worse, demanding the denial and pushing down of anything not deemed acceptable, thereby making the world and its inhabitants more and more dead with every generation. Oh, you think not? Want more proof? Do you need lots of accredited mental details to juggle and study? Get them yourselves, but also stop and truly look around at the reflections of overpopulation and of a collapsing world, including the declining personal physical body, and pay attention to what these ominous reflections are trying to convey—if you have eyes that can see.
Here is the conundrum, and challenge: Don’t worry, be happy.
What does that mean? How do I achieve it without denial? As I said, this simple statement is the challenge, and one that may take you, or even the so called spiritual master, a lifetime of dedicated effort to truly understand and/or to realize in actuality. I have done my work to the point whereby I now understand it well enough to be in the realization stage. As to the second question, how to achieve it without denial, the answer to this is equally as simple as is the primary challenge itself, but I have found no way to give the answer to anyone. I have tried, as is attested to by all of the thousand or more awareness oriented pages I have been inspired to write, but success in giving away the “secrets” of life have been utterly fruitless. Why? Because no one really wants to know, to give up their precious pretenses and see and feel the actual truth behind everything, which never conforms to the insane dreams of a lifted-out mental humankind.
There is nothing I can do about this situation, except for myself, although a final solution to the denial and pretense issue is known. I do not know if or when such a solution might come into play, if ever, and none of this is up to me, but I can almost guarantee that humankind will, in mass, judge any such self-inflicted resolution as horrific, evil (live appropriately spelled backwards), and probably also the work of the devil. What I can say with certainty is that nature always bats last, and it imposes no morality or favoritism on how it inevitably deals with what it experiences as unresolved and/or unbalanced situations.
Coup de grâce - the blow that kills (usually mercifully); deathblow; the act of terminating a life.
For the unaware death through judgmentally induced energy extinction is inevitable; for the intentionally and intuitively aware the outcome can be altered through choice, albeit the resulting path may be frustratingly arduous and strewn with countless dead-ends.
It came without the fanfare of trumpets blaring. It was just a wisp of feeling and a tingle of power that pervaded my body and that gracefully touched and expanded into my mentality. The picture of our journey through all time was soon to become vivid and clear. It is not a pretty picture, but, nonetheless, one that can be undone with unrelenting persistence and determination.
When we were essentially integrated spheres of living energy our attention was focused within and about ourselves, whereupon our harmonious totality enabled us to be powerful, magical, and orgasmic without limit. But as we continued to judge and deny ourselves bit by unrecognized bit, we blindly externalizing more and more of ourselves, scattering our once fluid and integrated whole and transforming it into chunks of rigidified essence, outer reality more and more became the focus. The logical outcome of this kind of process should have been expected, along with the host of purposely overlooked ramifications resulting from the abandonment of our creative inner reality in favor of the rigidified external made powerless, as more and more of ourselves was ignorantly externalized, and so concordantly our focus was more and more outside of ourselves.
Concurrently, as our inner reality dimmed in vitality and our attention was increasingly focused upon outer reality we ignorantly then chose to judge it to be more real. As our once internal powers continued to fade we began to depend upon manipulating outer reality to fill our apparent needs. This deliberate but unrecognized slide toward death and powerlessness continued until virtually all of our focus was spent on dealing with outer reality. The inner world had become so relatively empty and devoid of life that only scant attention was paid to it, if it were even noticed anymore at all. With the passage of more time, more judgment making, more denials, the inner world was all but dead, and the outer reality world was rendered forever solidified, and the only reality deemed worthy of attention. Now we are so fixed on and beholden to outer reality and any slim pickings we can pluck for ourselves that almost all awareness of the once omnipotent inner self is gone, a near complete attrition realized through eons of ceaseless and ignorantly self-generated misunderstanding and denial of the self.
We have become habituated to seeing nothing, and have become absolute slaves to manipulating outer reality and whatever is left barely alive in a vain hope of survival. This is our prize, the vaunted gift bestowed upon us by our ever trusted but treacherous mind, and it is what we have done to ourselves. Thus is the inescapable trap that we have foolishly but blindly laid out for ourselves, while we suffer and wait in pain for the final coup de grâce to bring about the endless peace of extinction. This is what we have willingly and with much premeditation done to ourselves. There is no one to blame, and yet everything we have ever done is universally to blame. We have literally turned ourselves inside out. We were once the omnipotent being looking inward and now we are the insignificant little lost soul looking outward. It is a complete reversal of everything. What to do about this awful situation? The mentality cannot alone halt the rush toward total death, although it alone is causal, and only it is causal. Only with reintegration of the Will can the answer to salvation be felt and known. Only when the Will aspect can touch the mentality can the way out be known. Without the Will the mentality knows nothing but a powerless dream that we have pretended to think is life.
Now I am finally ready, and with enough recovered Will force to know that I am now prepared and understand how to finish undoing the perverse and unwanted outcome I once thought real, and to undo my own self-inflicted coup de grâce….
Lots of people have dreamed of achieving a body of timeless perfection, but, try as they might, few, if any, have achieved such a goal. Or maybe those who have done so keep quiet and do not whisper a word of their accomplishment to anybody. Whatever the case, why is such a common and highly desired goal so timelessly elusive? Why has science and technology failed to understand the body so completely that it cannot find the answer? The best so far seems to be the temporary replacement of certain bits and pieces through technology, along with dreams of a future where man and machine are combined into some kind of eternal masterpiece. But none of this does anything to explain why a body capable of regenerating itself does not do so in perpetuity, and at best gradually withers and dies. The answer to these vexing questions is actually quite simple, and not fundamentally hidden at all, but it could take a normal person’s lifetime to adequately convey the answer to a mentally bound individual in any useful way. This is because the mentality alone cannot see, feel, touch, know, or ever hope to find any kind of answer beyond its disconnected idea of reality. Without an integrated Will aspect the mentality is hopeless, helpless, and essentially adrift in a sea of self-generated mental gibberish that ultimately is the cause of the body’s painful demise. But, as any arrogant mentality will happily intone, how can I possibly know this? Well, from personal hands on experience, by doing and applying the so-called awareness work described in this Mechanics of Consciousness section.
As one recovers and integrates lost Will presence a threshold point is eventually reached whereby the answers and knowing of agelessness ignites and softly glows within oneself. You could say that it literally vibrates in one’s bones. Once this happens and the Will aspect is allowed to touch and integrate with the mentality the formerly unknowable become knowable in both logical and meaningful ways. In stark contrast, a disconnected mentality can imagine such a thing, but it will be ineffectual and way off the mark. In all cases, the actuality of genuinely having an integrated Will presence will never be anything like what you previously imagined or reasoned it might be. The magic can only occur if and when the Will aspect is sufficiently reintegrated with the mentality, then, and only then, will the mentality know and be able to make use of the knowledge held only in the Will. It cannot be taught, sold, and repackaged in some convenient, easy to swallow form. It cannot be given away, no matter how talented and dedicated the facilitator. An individual either walks the mile and does the necessary inner work or he/she does not. It is a pass or fail journey, with no mercy whatsoever for anyone, whether the indolent clod, religious acolyte, love-and-light spiritual seeker, who likes to imagine that they are filled with universal love, or anyone else. Nobody’s moral underpinnings or mental imaginings and pretenses of how good they are will be of any help. Instead mentally based ideas of love and spirituality will make the journey all that more difficult.
Don’t bother trying to look me up about any of this. I cannot give you the knowledge of how to remain young in body, and at this point in my journey I probably could not even relate to you well enough to get you started on an awareness journey in any useful way. You must find your own way and do so with a burning passion that carries you through to the end, no matter what might seem to confront you and stand in the way. I did it using what is revealed in this web site, And I am just now standing at the gate to knowing and feeling the body, but you may need to trod a very different path to gain this kind of awareness. Only one person, to my knowledge, is close on my heels, and this is my associate, Rich. I might add that he has earned it and has done the work, pursuing it relentlessly, enduring some sixteen years of immersing himself in my ideas of consciousness study. There have been times of joy, and times of turmoil and terror. Everything you have never wanted to face or deal with for lifetimes must be thoroughly understood, dealt with and resolved if you choose to go my way. Outer reality is now too unreal for me to even pretend that anything I write here will ever make any difference—except, perhaps, to my own personal experience of my own reality. Most of my unfinished awareness oriented writings have been erased, deleted, and are now forever gone. Good riddance! The idea of someday having to finish them weighs me down and it has come to the place whereby tinkering with this old writing has no value other than it being a useless diversion. What trivial little bit escaped the delete button rampage may or may not ever be finished and see the light of day, but is still perceived as having some residual, intrinsic value. Nonetheless, I realize that the fecklessness of my words is immeasurable, like this blog entry I am writing now. My awareness adventure has been a useful, entertaining, and self-rewarding ride, but it is time to fully live what has been learned, instead of postponing and wasting time merely writing about it.
It was a long time ago when I began to notice and pay attention to the marvelously helpful reflections that life abundantly offered, and one of those that really stood out for me was the reflection of life always recovering and reinvigorating itself whenever signs of it had been obliterated and essentially wiped clean away from some particular area. Stop and look around the planet and notice that whenever some act of nature or the misguided hand of humankind devastates some plot of land or an entire geographical region sooner or later little signs of life begin to reassert themselves. All that need be done is nothing, to just leave things alone and let nature do what it does best. Miraculously, then, life will once again take a foothold and gradually rebuild itself, flourishing, and dominating the landscape with its timeless beauty, all the while seeking and coming into equilibrium with its environment, whatever that might be. The rate at which this life regenerates and/or replenishes itself is dependent on the favorability of the environment, i.e., life flourishes to the extent that it is supported. But whatever the situation, poor, or excellent, life will inevitably repopulate the space in its many forms and do so to whatever extent is feasible and in balance with that which supports and surrounds it.
The same general miracle of life always striving to reconstitute itself applies equally to the human body. If and when it is appreciated, supported, and left alone in an environment free of inhibiting, abuse, and anti-life forces, then it, too, will flourish in perfect form, and do so indefinitely, regenerating, and reinvigorating itself to whatever extent may be required. But this magnificent state of perfect consciousness cannot be forced nor manipulated into place. If the mentality attempts to hold an image of how body should look, for instance, and then go about finding a way to force the body to conform perfection and health cannot endure, but rather disruption and dis-ease will be the result, and the mental imperfections will be manifest to the degree that force is applied. There is absolutely nothing the mentality can do to cajole or force a body to be healthy and permanently vital. As such, the only accomplishment to be realized through the relentless application of mental ideas and force is a painful disruption and perturbation of the otherwise natural perfection that already exists. The solution to this is simple: Get you mental apparatus completely out of the way, so that the personal body is free to express the perfection that is its inherent imprint and right.
So, then, how does a meddling mentality get itself out of the way, so that the body can prosper and express its own perfection? The answer is both obvious and absurdly simple, but usually rather difficult to successfully accomplish. Nonetheless, here is the secret to success (which has never really been a secret): Find and resolve all of the judgmental and attitudinal aspects of the mentality that serve to directly or indirectly to skew, inhibit, injure, alter, condemn, pervert, and/or deny the Will energies and resulting body, which could otherwise harmoniously produce an expression of perfection. Nothing else will bring about a permanently joyful outcome. Give up your babbling mentality and all of its insipid mental wishes, daydreams, and ideas of what you should or should not be. Forever let go of positive thinking (which constitutes denial on a grand scale), ideas about diet, or exercise routines, or anything else that the mind happily conjures up to fix and mold the body. Diet and exercise may be beneficial aids in an overall awareness process, but they are not the answer to health and perfection of and by themselves. At best, mentally enforced prerogatives may seem to produce some temporary results that will be judged as good, but eventually the body will go right on rotting and dying, and probably eventually decay faster than if no mentally derived action had been implemented in the first place.
What to do about all of this? I know my goals, but what about you and people in general? Are you willing to make fundamental change? Or will you, along with just about everyone else reading this, incessantly go on with the same old meddling attitudes, futile hopes and powerless dreams, positive thinking, attempts to force, mutilate, and interfere with the body, all the while applying heaping doses of denial for any and everything you do not like about yourself and your body? Cher is attributed as having once quipped, “If beauty came in a bottle everybody would have it.” It is likewise for awareness work: If awareness and the personal power it enables came in a bottle everybody would have it. Unfortunately it does not come conveniently packaged, and so, consequently, virtually no one has it.
In the politically correct world of many people today the idea of mixing together differing realities is a moral requirement, and a social etiquette that proves one’s loving and outstanding nature, which is judged to be a good thing. Everybody is supposed to get along and compromise to the point where all is good and nobody is left out no matter how joyful, stupid, inane, or miserable any one particular person’s reality might be. This forced melding of everything may seem a theoretically profitable idea to the disconnected and Will-less mentality, but from an energetic standpoint it is highly abusive and ultimately destructive. In actuality, forcing differing realities to collide and stay collided puts some aspect of each reality into forced denial, which, at some point, will push back and attempt to break free and re-express itself. This release will probably occur in a forceful and unpleasant way, and to the extent necessary to effectively overcome any resistive forces initially set against any such expression. Thus, the impact of the collision of realities may not be obvious to the judgmentally impaired person for some unpredictable length of time—when the force and violence necessary to rectify the denial reaches a threshold and suddenly bursts forth. And, of course, the desperate motivation behind what will probably be judged as “senseless” violence will go unrecognized by the initiating and judgmental mentalities behind the whole sorry scenario.
The truth of the matter is that realities were never meant to be mixed or pushed together into one homogenous blob, but to remain special and distinct, so that each individualized entity can live and enjoy whatever special kind of reality is desired. Someone who aspires to a reality of Willful joy and holiness cannot be happy or content when forced to live within the confines of a reality dedicated to Will-lessness, slavery, toil, and misery. Likewise, the essentially Will-less individual steeped and demanding of slavery, toil, and misery cannot be happy when forced to live in a reality dominated by joyful ecstasy and unlimited abundance. Each will resist and be horrified at being forced to comply with a reality of opposition, and be satisfied with that which is not truly wanted or desired.
For myself, I am increasingly choosing to enter into a reality that less and less corresponds to the norms and societal demands of the conventional earthly reality, and, as such, I am feeling more and more like I should withdraw and not interfere by wanting to share the happy reality that I am enjoying more and more with each passing day. Furthermore, how can I ever expect to attain the reality I desire if I am spending most of my time trying to fix the reality of someone else erroneously perceived as less fortunate than I? Or more importantly, how can I expect to enjoy and hold the reality I desire if and when I am compromising myself, altering what I want in order to fit in with someone else? The obvious solution to this personal dilemma is simple—simply stay out of other people’s reality and stop contaminating my own space through ill-conceived notions about having to help others. More and more it does not seem either loving or appropriate for me to inject my increasingly different sensibilities into someone else’s idea of reality, thereby unintentionally perturbing and disrupting the chosen reality of other people who want to stay bound to the limits imposed by normal earthly behavior. Sometimes I still forget that no matter how tragic the earth reality may seem to me, it is, nonetheless, the choice of countless other people, and therefore best for me to stay within my own reality. Like Psyche in the Underworld, it is to my great benefit for me to keep my eye unfalteringly on my goal, never to waiver, while respecting and letting everyone else stay the course for their own personal goals and whatever outcome they may create. It is not my job to interfere.
Over the past many months I have been seeing a lot of murmurings about the end of the world kind of stuff over the Internet and on cable TV. Much of it is humorous to me, while some of it interesting and I do enjoy observing the logic of those persons purporting to know what is to come. Yesterday a friend told me about a guy who has a Facebook page showing maps of how the face of the earth will be devastated in some forthcoming apocalypse. The fellow is apparently moving from the U.S. to Australia, so as to avoid some or all of the coming earth catastrophe. This reminded me of the mid 1970s, when I was interested in what the Monroe Institute was researching. Various astral (out of body) travelers had returned back to their patiently waiting earthbound bodies with details on how the earth was to be wrenched, ravaged, and dramatically changed. Some of these travelers even drew up simple maps of where the earth changes would be prominent and/or huge. I recall that the San Francisco area was to be wiped out and a large inland sea would take its place. These earth changes were forecast to occur sometime in the mid to late 1980s. I can honestly say that I’m not disappointed that no such worldwide rupture occurred, but I’m nevertheless still waiting for the first ripple of something terrible that has not yet come to pass.
For myself, I have no exciting prognostications to offer, no apoplectic visions, only a simple feeling that great change is coming. But what does that mean? Is this change for the whole world, or just for me alone? I do expect and encourage great change in my future; I welcome it. However, if what I am feeling is to involve all of humanity I wonder how it will come and how it will affect us both collectively and individually. From my perspective what is experienced via outer reality is a function of the inspiring consciousness, and whatever change is forthcoming will be actualized, motivated, and interpreted by each individual bit of consciousness, with the totality affected only to the extent that each bit of individualized consciousness shares a commonality. For some people holding apocalyptic judgments and vision whatever comes may well be experienced as the end of the world, or maybe better put, the end of their world in the way that they have known it—according to whatever it is they hold tight within their mentality. What some like to see and experience as hell may well be heaven and joyous change for others, depending upon the state and willingness of each individual to let go and flow with the river of life.
I’m already on the boat, riding along atop the river of life for all it’s worth. How about you? Are you flexible and malleable, or do you instead rigidly cling desperately to everything exactly as you see and experience it today, fighting any little bit of evolutionary change? For some the future will be self-created in horrific and terrifying ways, while for some others it will be an exciting and joyous adventure into the unknown and boundless new levels of personal awareness. Which will it be for me; how will I ride the tide? Make a guess? I’ve made my choice, and so a more poignant question is this: How will it be for you? What will be your choice?
Yesterday I had one of those marvelous moments when my awareness suddenly, albeit momentarily, expanded and the improbable became the probable. The magic began when I happened to glance at some books on a living room shelf, whereupon I noticed that my vision was not as sharp as I would like it to be. Then, at that moment of nothing unusual, the most unusual occurred. My vision inverted itself and instead of me customarily looking out at outer reality I found myself looking inward from outer reality. I was immediately flushed with what might be described as an integrated mental/feeling/visual knowing that I was indeed the direct creator of everything and anything in my life, and that if I wanted to have perfect vision, or a perfect body, attempting to fix or manipulate it through external means was pointless. Achieving what I desired could only be made permanently and irrevocably manifest if and when I changed my inner reality, or, perhaps more to the point, when I resolved the damaging creative intent that was the root of vision or other physical body symptoms.
So here I was at a turning point, tired of being half blind and knowing without doubt that I have it in me to change body or anything else at my whim, and do so effortlessly. But now that I know for certain that it is all me, and that outer reality is nothing more than a construct, do I really want to take the last step and see and know everything about myself and everything else? I am standing at the gateway, the last self-constructed barrier to it all and I hesitate. If I go forward I will have no more excuses for anything. Once I know I cannot un-know. Any further procrastination, obfuscation, and/or diversion will be an obvious lie, and I will know it is a lie. Any and all self-deceit will be laid bare before me. Do I truly want to see, and to take the final leap into the magical realm I have so long sought? Do I really want to let go of the last comfortable remnants of what I have known as a predictable and dependably constant earthly physical reality? There will be no turning back. The last of what I have previously wanted in this earthly world will come to seem lifeless, empty, and essentially gone forever. So, then, am I ready to become whole with Creation? Well, yes, I am, but it is not so simple as just a single affirmative affirmation.
There are still many little tugs to stay here, to stay present in my current earthly form and situation, as insane as that might seem. Trifling things such as a few nostalgic mementos, some lingering family ties, a few inane but unfulfilled pursuits of no real consequence, a modicum of loose ideas that imbue a sense of obligation that I have yet to finally resolve, and an odd assortment of other trivial interests that bits of me imagine they want to explore, all of which still exert a pull. All of these little things—no matter that they are insignificant in comparison to my grand and ultimate goal now only a few footsteps ahead—they are, singularly or bunched together, enough to keep me from taking the last step, from entering through the gateway to heaven—even though it lies not far ahead. How silly you might say, but you do it. You make the leap into wholeness of a vast and mysterious unknown, and do it right now. What? You can’t make the leap? For myself, my choice is to move steadily toward a unanimous yes, and do it in a way that allows all of me to enjoy that last step, passing through the gateway but in joyous unison, leaving behind any disarray and all denial. What a happy way to bring in a new year!
Happy New Year—and for those who prefer toil, pain, doom, and despair I hope that you enjoy your misery and that it brings you all of the pain and suffering that you have prayed for and asked. As for myself, well, I don’t want to be standing there with you.
Oh, to rot and die, that is the choice. But why? Yesterday I found an old judgment that once seen and recognized was obvious, but that up to that moment of advanced awareness it had been essentially invisible. Like looking though a flat pane of clear glass, it is visible but invisible at the same time. Only by specifically focusing on the pane of glass and the effect that it has on the background behind it does its presence become noticeable and more or less obvious. When the focus is on whatever lies beyond the pane of glass the presence of the glass itself essentially dissolves away almost as though it does not exist. When the mentality uses this kind of smoke and mirrors trickery it is synonymous with purposeful self-deception and false pretense at its best. Not only can the mentality maintain a “secretive” judgment this way, but the mentality can then also go on pretending that the judgment does not exist, which means that the mentality all along knows precisely what it is doing at some level. This kind of mental slight-of-hand is normal, which is one of the many reasons why finding some of our “hidden” judgmental imprinting can be very challenging. But I digress….
The judgment that body rots and dies is an old one for me, and probably for most, if not all, people. I made it soon after descending to this planet and while trying to fit in with the inhabitants—another story for another time. But once I clearly saw and understood the judgment I remembered making it and why. I was new to a densified and comparatively sluggish body and was gazing around at the other nearby bodied and longtime earthlings. Their physical condition varied from being young and vital looking to that of a badly disfigured and morbid dolt. I inadvertently assumed and judged that I was now also stuck in a body with characteristics similar to the one’s I was witnessing, bodies that decline, wither, and eventually rot and die. When I made this stupid choice the newly rigidified idea did not register as anything frightening nor long term, because my experience up to this point did not include morbidity or death. But before long other judgments about body furthered my solidification, and presto, I was stuck here in a heavy, clumsy body with no apparent way out. I had lost enough additional awareness through judgmental action that I was no longer able to clearly remember or realize how I had entrapped myself. Now important parts of my mentality, which I sorely needed to extricate myself, had become lost in a cloud of mental confusion, obfuscation, and unrealized denial.
So many lifetimes later here I am, having finally seen, understood, and resolved this old and ill-conceived judgment. Does this mean that I can now anticipate that I and my body are soon to be set free of previous limitations? I wish it were so, but it does not feel like this kind of absolute freedom is yet at hand. I have a sense that there are yet many more debilitating judgments to deal with, all of which are hiding in plain sight, and like the pane of translucent glass they are visibly invisible to my ever searching inner eyes.
Merry Christmas, or a Happy Holiday Season—whichever might best apply.
There is no reason or necessity for me to attempt to explain or justify anything, such as the magic of life, or the underlying consciousness that inspires and motivates it, other than just for the sheer fun of it. The underlying “I am” force and the observable mechanics of it all needs no explanation whatsoever on my part, because it just is, and that “ising” is the explanation and justification for any and everything. Whether someone wants to know this for themselves, or not, is essentially pointless; it matters not, and whether one knows, believes, or is oblivious changes nothing. It will still be what is, and its “ising” will continue on without end regardless of whether you or I see, feel, or recognize it. It needs no flattery, acknowledgement, or recognition from me or anyone else, because it simply is what is without worry or need. Thus, I Am, whether I know it or not. There is no escape from it, but it is my true ally and companion if and when I realize that I am it and it is me.
About mid-morning today I felt surround by a virtual “cloud” of soft energy that felt very capable of directly influencing my body, both in what could be considered health and physical appearance. Although I have speculated that this was entirely possible, in my case as a result of this awareness work, today was the first blip of experience that confirmed this as a real and not too distant possibility. But, as is normally the case, any such new energy experience lasted only a brief few minutes, i.e., the proverbial awareness carrot on a stick, but nonetheless a precursor of a more extended experience to come while on the way to permanently enjoying some new and wonderful capabilities.
Over the past few days I have been undergoing some uncomfortable energy expansions that clearly led up to today’s very welcome experience. Now it may be that for the shut-down, unaware person such possibilities will seem to be incontrovertibly illogical and wholly impossible from a scientific and realistic standpoint. This limited viewpoint is not necessarily wrong, and is more than likely the dominant attitude on earth, but, then, the person holding this kind of judgmental viewpoint will also have no palpable Will presence that could and would enable such miracles. It must be remembered that when the Will has been collapsed by the choices held within the mentality (whether those choices are in denial or not) there will be no recollection or awareness of the Will and/or the possibilities that it can so easily enable.
It is really interesting for me to notice that as I gain ever more discernable Will presence my mentality changes directly in accordance with that greater Will presence and integration. Thus, for me, at this point in time, it is finally both easily logical and understandable as to how the body can be altered and strengthened at will when the Will is allowed to be present and an equal partner to and with the Spirit mentality. This makes the formerly impossible not only within reach, but eventually easily doable as would be any simple physical task, such as raising the hand to touch one’s own nose. And ironically, such powers are and have always been right in front of everybody’s nose, albeit thoroughly avoided and pushed away due to the coveted self-deception and aggressive pretense cherished by any purposely unaware mentality.
For the purposely unaware person it is the case that whenever their self-induced limitations are pointed out and purposely brought to their attention for examination and possible resolution the person will almost invariably take a defensive posture, aggressively and even viciously fighting tooth and nail to preserve and make right their chosen judgmental stance. This kind of choice, to defend, empower, and exalt limitation, inevitably compounds itself and leads to energetic contraction, eventually culminating in a painful death. This is insanity at its best, albeit a normal and expected situation for humankind. Anyone who argues for any kind of limitation will have intentionally chosen to manufacture and make manifest a consortium of limitations, which will become an integral part of their life experience, probably permanently and increasingly given power, as per their demonstrated desire to remain unaware. And with each succeeding iteration of their judgmental stance any coveted limitations will become ever more impenetrable and inescapably “real.” Thus it is that when an attitude of limitation is nurtured and sustained the individual will be self-entrapped in a prison of their own making, but with walls that they more than likely cannot see, touch, or feel. This is the magic of life—you get what it is you ask, and from your prayers of asking there is no escape.
Humankind loves to see itself as evolving on a grand and gloriously infinite scale, reaching for the stars, so to speak. It gladly sees itself as some beneficial intellectual goliath that blesses the whole of the universe by its mere presence, but instead infects, very much like a virus that consumes its host before discarding it and moving on to devour any other host environment it can touch. There is a reason behind this unfortunate occurrence, one rooted in the massive fragmentation of the parental sources parenting humankind, and who have ignorantly broken themselves apart, thereby creating ever smaller fragments that now make up what represents earthly populations. However, rather than humankind evolving and going forward, as is popularly championed by the mass of diminished fragments making up humankind, it is instead devolving into ever smaller and more separated bits of reduced awareness, capability, and sustainability. Couple this with the antagonistic rivalries that are a normal part of any denial fragmentation process and you get what is clearly evident on earth today. This process of continual denial and resulting fragmentation also brings with it the unfortunate characteristic of steadfastly exhausting and destroying the very personal and greater body that gives the self-vaunted mentality the “space” in which to live. One reflection of this trend can be seen by observing the exponentially expanding population and the rapidly declining sustainability of human life on earth.
On the micro, personal scale, one of the ways the mass of “human” fragments accomplishes the herculean feat of exhausting the body is through the ingestion of so-called “life giving” food. At first external food was no more than a bit of fruit, a gift of “nature,” but, nonetheless, a poisoned gift, of sorts—poisoned in this case meaning that the ingestion of fruit was a primary step in the dependency of an entity on external sources of energy sustenance. Soon thereafter other natural but increasingly dense vegetables and seeds were added, then meats and eventually, as evidenced today, heavily refined and processed foods of all kinds. Today, as a brother-in-law put it, “if you can get it down your throat it is food.” This trend represents further and further degradation of the individual as it depends ever more on having to steal external energy to maintain its own self-diminished internal vitality. As the body densifies’, bloats, stiffens, and begins to rot from all of this wonderfully concocted food it is only a matter of time before drugs enter into the picture. Some medications are used to quell the stench and pain of dis-ease, others to help the Spirit mentality lift out of the putrid death it has moronically created for itself, and also to find some kind of “lifted out” relief or bliss (oftentimes by means of so-called recreational drugs). But, of course, the myriad of drugs, both extracted and synthetic, only add to the destructive burden endlessly interfering with and killing the perfection of body. Thus it is that the fragmented Spirit mentality’s true triumph is the self-imposition of death, all the time increasingly tightening the noose, which is the opposite of evolution toward enlightenment that it so hails itself as having set in motion. As with everything else that humankind is grandiosely self-congratulatory about it views whatever it does in reverse, backwards, but sees not its own self-de-evolution, partly due to the loss of awareness that accompanies the energy depletion customary with the denial and fragmentation of essence.
The solution to this so-called de-evolution problem is simple. Look at the reflections of what fragmentation through denial of parts of the self brings about, and then choose whether, or not, the results are truly desirable, pleasant, and/or beneficial. How does the condition of the truly world feel? How does your body feel when you take away all of the comfort food and pharmaceutical preparations that work to subdue pain, misery, and other discomforts? How do you like your life experience? For instance, do you enjoy pretended happiness, endless daily toil and wearying misery culminating in an eventual rotting death that is commensurate with continually declining levels of vitality and awareness? If so, the process of denying and fragmentation is for you. On the other hand, if everlasting life and joy is your goal you must choose to reverse the process of de-evolution and find a way to recover your original wholeness (holiness), if that is what you deem a worthwhile and valuable goal. The choice is always yours, moment by moment. Each little choice counts, and mightily so. So, then, will it be wholeness or fragmentation that you choose?
A couple of days ago I and two awareness companions went out to dinner at a nice but not posh local Mediterranean style restaurant. It had an outdoor dining area in front next to the street and as I scanned the clientele I had the notion that this evening’s outing was going to be an awareness event, although the extent of it was yet unrealized. We were soon comfortably seated inside. The ambiance of the large room was pleasant and the restaurant was nearly full to capacity, with busy waiters up to their eyeballs in impatient customers. We were politely informed that it would be a few minutes before a waiter could serve us, and so we browsed the dinner menu looking for fare that seemed edible, considering our distaste for heavily refined and cooked food. There was nothing on the menu that really appealed to us, and we briefly discussed leaving, but instead settled for what we thought would be the least “bad” thing. I ordered a vegetarian dish that I hoped would be energetically tolerable, and then waited to see what came.
While waiting for the food to be served I observed sated customers walking past our table on their way to the exit door. I mused that the circus must be in town, because what a sideshow parade it was. I was horrified and simultaneously transfixed while observing the pasty, wretched, deformed, overweight, and devitalized zombie like condition of the majority of the patrons as they limped or hobbled past my table on their way out of the room. The place was quite noisy with what sounded like countless screeching talking heads seated at nearly every table, each one little more than a bussing mental sphere babbling out pointless trivialities, while being oblivious of and totally disconnected from their bodies that were constantly being numbed and destroyed by the so-called food they happily jammed down their clueless throats.
The meal was eventually served and I was immediately taken by surprise at the energetic “darkness” of the abused vegetables lying on the shiny plate before me. I had ordered what should have been a celebration of life, but instead it was a harbinger of death. I reluctantly ate it, watching myself do so, simultaneously observing the bloated, disabled, and morose patrons who wobbled by me. They happily gobbled up this food of death without a second thought. I was horror stricken by the whole scene blatantly portrayed right before my sad eyes, and while I stupidly participated in deadening myself with the same kind of meal, albeit to a much less extent than did the usual patrons. It was one of the more profound experiences of my life. But it was also appropriate and wonderful. Not only was my mentality aroused and triggered, but my gut feelings swirled inside me in great profusion. Perhaps a week earlier I had asked for a sign, a knowing as what I needed to do next to accelerate my awareness path, something that would be obvious and devoid of confusion, so as to grant me a clear-cut direction.
Now, my prayer was being answered. I knew without doubt or question what I needed to do next, and I knew it with great clarity. I needed to get up and run; to run away from the purveyors and worshippers of death; to run from the masses of humanity that worship death in all of its illusory and unrecognized forms. And I needed to extricate myself from my own remaining judgments whose sole purpose it was to keep me here and terminally immersed in humanity’s cultish veneration of tyranny and death. But the lesson was not yet quite over. As we walked back to our automobile we more or less felt inclined to politely follow behind an elderly couple who had exited the restaurant shortly before us. The gentleman was overweight and his back was grossly bent forward and deformed, so much so that it interfered with his walking stride. This grotesqueness of body was at least partially the result of eating vast quantities of what humans like to enjoy and think of as fine food.
Do I need more of this kind of reflection to truly get the lesson? Time will tell, but in the meantime I give heartfelt thanks to the forces of Creation that so graciously and generously provided me with the rewarding “dinner for three” experience. Now it is my turn to act, my time to make use of the reflective blessing bestowed upon me. It is my responsibility to turn the horror of death that I saw so vividly reflected into a joyously divine celebration of life, but only for me, not anybody else. I have no authority or right to change anyone but myself, which is my goal, to evolve myself, an integral necessity for my journey Home.
Some time ago I read that “a politician is nothing but a `post turtle.’ You know when you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top...that is a post turtle. You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he is up there, he sure as heck ain't going anywhere, and you just wonder what kind of fool put him up there in the first place.”
The above read was good for a chuckle, and it may be on target and functionally apropos. But the heads of government are reflections of the greater body of the society they represent, and, as such, the masses that make up society could then also be fittingly perceived as “post turtles,” albeit perhaps a lot less ostentatiously so, and probably not as obviously apparent. The politicians merely provide exaggerated reflections for everyone to see, so as to make it easier for the generally unobservant masses to see who and what they are – tiny fragments of a parental source that has ignorantly left them balancing on a slim post and with no way of knowing what to do about their predicament.
But politicians by no means show only a single type of reflection. They constantly mirror, in one way or another, all of society’s grand pretenses, including those of feigned self-importance, intelligence, righteousness, and so on. Moreover, every bit of hidden agenda embedded in society is made ever more blatantly obvious, more and more to the eventual point whereby even the most denial prone and dumbest of society can no longer completely avoid the ever more robust and palpable reflection. Thus, when a politician pretends to be more equal, more moral, more just, more important, more intelligent and/or better equipped to deal with situations requiring leadership this is a reflection of the general populace and how utterly pretentious they are, all the while pretending to be sincere, humble, and respectful of others. In actuality, whether pretended leader or societal lemming, all are the same – post turtles that have no idea how to honestly fix or change anything for the better. As such, no matter how much gnashing of teeth, desperate wailing or useless effort is valiantly put forth the stranded post turtle will still be nothing more than a helpless turtle stuck and teetering high up on a post.
Many people, if not most, seem to have a steadfast need to find and nurture some kind of unique brand of self-importance. But no matter how much determined effort goes into creating a self-image it is, nevertheless, nothing more than a concocted façade, with any self-importance being imaginary, all of which in and of itself is of no importance. But regardless of its contrived and intrinsically worthless nature for most people the game of self-importance goes on endlessly, even viciously so in some instances. It drives much of the world’s commerce and the social interactions that give society its peculiar personality. As for me I have no importance. Nothing about me is important. This awareness work is of no importance. Nothing I do or think is important. I am no more than a glop of energy, just like everything else in this universe, each glop expressing some imagined aspect of what is experienced as life. How could I possibly fail at being just another glop of nameless energy? That is what I am; I cannot be otherwise, so I am a resounding success even if I do nothing. But does having no importance make me unique. No! Even my lack of importance gives me no importance. Nor does it mean that I am unhappy, unsuccessful, or slovenly. In fact, my lack of importance makes me happy and successful at most everything I do, because I do what I do because I enjoy and love doing it. How can I fail at what does not matter for lack of importance? There is nothing left for me to do but unimportantly evolve and be ever more joyfully successful at whatever it is I find myself choosing to do.
There is no such thing as karma, nor is there anyone up in the big sky taking notes or keeping track of what we do or think is good or bad. It is just you and I who have chosen to keep track and maintain concepts and judgmental content that creates what we like to blame as karma. Karma is what we each do to ourselves for as long as we judge we want to do it; for a myriad of silly and ultimately unfounded reasons. The omnipotent forces that bring forth the experience of life do not care one little whit what you or I think or believe; they of themselves bring to bear no moral code of conduct by which to interfere with any individual’s choice. There is nothing done to the collective us; there is only us, with the normally unseen forces of life giving each of us exactly what it is we have individually inspired as an experience of life—no more and no less.
What all this means is that life does not care whether you live or die, suffer torment and a rotting death or live an exalted life of majestic bliss—only you or I do. Life does not care whether you or animals and other critters go around killing, dismembering, and eating each other alive or not. It does not care whether you hate, deceive, and gradually kill yourself, or not, ignoring the self-reflections of such that are plentiful no matter where one looks. Life merely loves each of us so much that it doles out whatever dumb thing we fanaticize about or dare to dream up. Each individual has free Will, and each can use it in whatever way is chosen, whether that be a stupid and painful choice, or not. That is freedom, something given lots of lip service these days, but something that most people do not seem to truly want, wanting instead to blame something else for any problems, while begging some hopefully existent and all-knowing person or entity to coddle, protect, and save themselves from their own moronically unaware choices.
And, coincidentally, that is why virtually no one seeks out or desires to engage this type of awareness work, because it is very effective and requires that the individual understand and be totally responsible for oneself and do so without limitation or any shifting of blame or responsibility. It blames nothing, protects no belief or sacrosanct ideology, nothing escapes introspection or careful examination, nothing is left untouched and all is ultimately unresolved. This is why you, dear reader, will shy away and adamantly refuse to engage this kind of awareness work.
If I up and die I’m Still Not Dead. There is no escape from the challenges of life. Not that I want to die again, but if I am unable to clean up my mentality enough and my body dies as a result of this, well, so what? I don’t like the idea of being so ignorant that I fatally wreck another body, but I’m still not dead, just alive without a body, unless and until I choose to enter another fresh new one. Yeah, I know, this is crazy talk. Nonetheless, I’ve remembered enough about many past lifetimes to know that lifting out of an injured body at death is not the end of things, and might even be considered the beginning of a new adventure. For one reason or another, until I get the lesson of life I’ll just be back, diving into another little baby body and go through another lifetime—all because of a lesson unlearned. However, I am really tired of the reincarnation game and would seriously like to end it this lifetime, and deal with what kills the body and never have to come back and endure an earthly cycle ever again. Yet, I still dabble, but my incentive is ever greater and my awareness is constantly growing. One fine day I’ll make the grade. Until then, oh, woe is lazy me.
Normalcy can be a mischievous bedfellow in awareness work, because any and all achievements soon become normal and that normalcy effectively hides or masks what has been gained. Even the most outstanding achievements soon fall victim to commonality, a sense of normal that makes the brilliance of everything new and different gradually fade into the background along with everything else. And, it seems, that major achievements get lost and forgotten just as quickly as the minor ones. Thus, no one but momentarily can see or feel progress, and so what still remains of the mind always gets busy thinking and judging that no progress has been made and that the journey is going nowhere. This is a common pitfall of awareness work—always a boring return to normalcy. There is no escape from it. There is never any juicy reward for progress, just new horizons to meet and conquer, over and over endlessly again, until the ultimate and final goal is reached. But even then, when nirvana is finally attained, there will probably be nothing much but more normalcy. But I'll joyously choose to take the endless normalcy of bliss and ecstasy over normal pain and tragedy anytime.
I have heard it said that the universe is an “infinite dance of opposite forces,” light vs. dark, good vs. evil, joy vs. sorrow, love vs. hate, and so on. How perfect it is, the division of one whole into distinct polarities, which then proliferate into a host of apparent or perceived polarities, all making up another one of those irksome reflections that clearly shows the extent to which the mentality has spawned duality and then valued that forced separation, in turn, using it as a rational to further enforce rigidity and make tragically worse an already disrupted whole. It is no wonder that pretense is in vogue, as the fundamental truth of the matter would end duality, and bring about an end to the reign of hypocrisy and denial that keeps mankind invisibly imprisoned within a massive hoax, a false reality of his own making. In this awareness work the so-called “dance of opposites” is occasionally expressed as duality, dependent on an initiating event that set into motion something that could kindly be called the “rise of duality.” How this game of denial came about is described in the Supplemental Manual, and in the chapter entitled, Introduction to a New Paradigm (Advanced Reading Section).
Due to the near complete disconnection from the Will voluntarily created for and by most people the situation has led to the denial notion that humans are separated from nature, and can act independently from it. However, in actuality, if you consider that living forms are nothing more than a fragmented whole of the original, i.e., god, then humans, along with other life forms, are responsible for and inextricably an intimate part of and co-creator of nature, albeit in denial, and could further be seen as collectively causal of nature and its awesome forces. It is Important to keep in mind that my use of the usually charged term “god” in no way represents the supernatural idea of God that is described in various earth religions, but, rather, here it denotes the totality of an archetypical entity before fragmentation into today’s multitude of sentient forms now in observable manifest form.
You may have noted that elsewhere in my writings I have mentioned resolving judgments and/or resolving the mentality. This is the process of undoing fragmentation within the mentality, and, in turn, the source cause behind any perceived fragmentation reflected in physical outer reality. Thus, this awareness work could be described as the process of bit by bit undoing duality, or the act of gradually removing the forces that give rise to the “infinite dance of opposites,” with the ultimate goal of returning to and becoming whole again. Of course some sentient energy may not choose to become part of any whole, determined to remain separated and play in a universe of dancing opposites. Nevertheless, that which does choose wholeness is free to do so, and to that extent it can become free of polarities and the opposites that plague most of humankind.
This is a noble goal. Can it be achieved? One of the things I have long observed in the process of doing this awareness work is that as one resolves aspects of the mentality whatever was formerly created by those now resolved parts automatically disappears from one’s reflected experience of reality. This means that a person’s reality seems to inwardly and outwardly reform, to change in accordance with whatever inspiring content remains within the less fragmented mentality. Continue resolving the mentality long enough and you can maybe guess a possible outcome. A problem for me here is that words cannot begin to express how anyone can still live on earth and have their experience of reality improve seemingly magically and independent of the masses of other living forms that may be living a much more oppressive and unpleasant life experience. There is no way I can pass on this kind of experience through words, no matter how many I use or how intricately I weave them together. It must be experienced, seen, and felt before any useful comprehension can be appreciated. All I can say is that I have found a way to do it, and it is shared on this web site for anyone who can see, hear, or feel the gift that I am trying to share.
Recently an old awareness chum, M.W., who has since gone off to pursue a popular human dream of imagined love, made contact through Skype with my friend and awareness associate, Rich. Although the conversation did not start out with any awareness oriented chatter as a goal, any conversation with Rich or I has a way of irresistibly evolving itself into an awareness learning and discussion experience—at least for those of us residing somewhere in awarenessland. This instance was no exception to this normal transformative tendency. After a bit of relatively aimless chatter our friend mentioned that he had a web cam, and so shortly thereafter we had a gorgeous full monitor picture with M.W. right in the middle. I was surprised at the quality of the image, which was very clear and the nice thing about it was that we could easily discern any facial expressions and body language.
As the conversation proceeded the inevitable happened, and our friend was suddenly flushed with Will based emotions triggered up by our comments and questioning. He was literally filled to the brim with it, his face and eyes were suffused with it, but poor M.W’s mentality was loath to connect with it and I watched in utter fascination as his mentality quickly sprang into action, thinking and focusing his attention on various judgmental attitudes and considerations, all of which served to dictate who and what he was supposed to be and how he must act and comport himself. Quickly all trace of emotion had faded and drained away and M.W. once again had managed to successfully deaden all parts of himself outside of his tiny field of mentally rigid focus. He had returned to his usual contented, dead-pan complacency, happily back to his old and stably predictable but lethargic and deadened self.
Although usually obvious once pointed out, most people take no time to consider the long term ramifications of their mental choices to focus (or most any choice), or to any resulting actions and effects. This intentional act of avoidance is a bad choice, but especially for anyone who wants to be alive and fully vital. However, if death and extinction is your ultimate goal then avoidance (and the denial it generates) is a perfect choice. Still, to focus on something, anything, remains a calculated choice—a strictly mental one that is based upon ignorance of its ramifications. It is carefully premeditated, albeit perhaps an often habitually used choice to narrow and limit ones perceptive or feeling scope to the exclusion of all else. It is a bedfellow of denial, and by remaining focused one can expect misery, decline, and death to eventually follow, bit by bit as denied essence laying outside of the focal point becomes more and more disconnected and the focuser more and more unaware, powerless, and dead.
For me what I was observing in M.W. was a fantastic and highly beneficial reflection, tantamount to a divine gift. Stepping back and away from the conversation I used the usual and easy methodology that can help anyone, new or advanced, get started utilizing any particular reflection, i.e., the introductive format of “I see someone who…” Thus, I began, I see someone who … is flushed with powerful emotions of sadness and loss, all due to his near absolute denial of his Will feelings and presence, which is never recognized for what it is, nor is it allowed to express its beauty or power due to a disconnected, judgmental, and fearful mentality. I watched him consciously and with forethought use his superb mind and its vast collection of ill-conceived judgmental content go about subverting (by focusing his point of attention within the mentality) the feeling intensity and potential Will breakthrough that had fortuitously come to him. And he did this simply by keeping his attention on judging, valuing his mind above all else, and by focusing on it alone and with the intent of shutting out all else. This was an arrogant act, he focusing on what he judged he wanted and how he should be and act so as to keep himself safe from the innate power and unlimited being that he rightly is. Well, of course, that is what I do, perhaps not to the same extent as M.W., but, nevertheless, similarly as I had witnessed in my reflection of mere moments ago.
What M.W. chooses to do with the conversation and what he saw and heard reflected (assuming that he was paying attention) is entirely up to him. It is his business alone, not mine. My business is me, and what I do with what I perceived in my reflection. What Rich or M.W. saw reflected is only for them; their lesson, which may have been something very different and unrelated to anything I perceived. Now, then, what to do? Well, you better believe that I will be using this reflection for all that it is worth, finding and resolving the intertwined matrix of judgmental content and attitudes that was brought to my attention. I may be looking back on this reflection and working with it on and off for months, maybe even years. As has been said, there is a lot of milk in this cow, and I’ll be milking it for all it’s worth, right down to the very last delicious drop. My life depends upon it.
There is an old saw that goes like this: What came first, the chicken or the egg? The conundrum is that it is not possible to have a chicken without first having an egg to hatch out a chicken, but to have an egg requires a chicken. Consciousness seems to be imbued with a similar paradoxical conundrum. What came first, consciousness or the space in which to have consciousness? And, then, where did the space come from? Is it expanded consciousness? What gave rise to consciousness, and why? To understand this puzzling situation it helps to understand what consciousness is. If we are it, consciousness, that is, what are we? Where did it, or we, come from and what was the source of the initial imprinting that set the whole consciousness process into motion, and that has resulted in the seemingly endless variations of manifest actuality? If we are a point of consciousness looking outward through our inner and outer physical eyes then it is logical to presume that we ought to be able to look backwards or inward at ourselves and see and feel ourselves for what we are, so as to understand and know what we are, and in turn see our source.
But who wants to do this when everyone is so busily obsessed pretending that life is this or that, while relying on some kind of never-to-be eternal hope that the future will turn out a certain way? Why are we such a mystery to ourselves? Why do we want to remain such a mystery, and instead insist on and believe utter nonsense that gets us nowhere but into more and more misery and trouble? The person who can truly answer these few questions will understand and know our beginning and why it all began the way it did, and then continued to evolve the way it has. These so-called “unknowable” secrets have never been hidden, and are always at the tip of our collective noses for all to see. But who sees? And who wants to know? More to the point, what is the cost of being able to infinitely see and know? That one question alone carries the answer to it all. Once you know this you will know that you know and that you have always known, which is why you cannot afford or want to know, or more accurately, why you must constantly pretend not to know.
According to a popular dictionary, a theory is a proposed explanation whose status is still conjectural and subject to change depending upon new evidence. Today a young man who has specialized in making a career out of superficially dabbling with this awareness work characterized it as a theory, which for this poor fellow is probably all that it is or ever will be. What he will get out of it will be in exact proportion to the effort he puts into it. Nothing more, and nothing less. Right now his efforting score is pretty much a big zero. For me, however, this awareness work is no theory, nor supposition, nor it is a toy by which to while away time in the hope that it might somehow fix my lazy ass in spite of myself. Here in awareness land we do what works and let fall away that which does not work. And if some trusted and cherished thing stops working we drop it, too, like a hot rock. Something either works effectively and repeatedly, or it does not. Furthermore, we do not sit around and attempt to generate some sort of complicated theory about how or why something works or not. If it works we use it, if it does not work we do not use it. It’s that simple.
Theories tend to be an exercise in diversion, a time tested pretense, and mental masturbation at its finest. They are a fine way to delude oneself into believing that there is genuine understanding while avoiding that which is both obvious and in denial. Nonetheless, as one’s awareness progress unfolds it usually soon becomes apparent as to why and how something works, although not by mentally analyzing it but by simple clearheaded observation, which is to be expected since this work is all about observing and understanding the underlying mechanics of consciousness. As such, by allowing oneself to observe with untarnished eyes, with the mentality out of the way so as to truly see, hear, and feel without prejudice, only then can the natural comprehension of how and why some of the processes work become evident. This clarity comes about, however, not due to some kind of superior mental analysis but rather the knowledge simply flows and explodes onto the mentality by means of Will feelings, and this means “going all the way through” the requisite and often difficult experiences that this kind of awareness work tends to automatically generate.
For the average person this awareness work will more than likely remain nothing more than an obtuse theory, and rightly so for the indolent soul who is arrogantly quite satisfied with their lot in life. For the hero, the diligent and passionate awareness adventurer who is willing to push into the often terrifying unknown, nothing in or about this work is theory, but rather one simply sees and feels the underlying mechanics that create and govern that which is called life, and that generally goes wholly unseen for most people. Only the unaware cherish mental theories; the aware know and love the knowledge made knowable through the Will.
I had an interesting experience today. Before awakening I had a full color and unusually vivid dream that exemplified the extent to which I do not fit in with the normal earthly mental world. It was so graphic that its message was unavoidable and undeniable. I awoke in a mild state of emotional turmoil; the dream remained lucid in my awareness long after awakening. Every colorful aspect of it seemed to set into motion a series of Will based feeling interactions that were very revealing. Way, way back in the very beginning, when the explosive judgmental acceleration initiated this Creation, the Will responded in accordance with the inspiring thoughts and panic driven machinations made real by what could best be described as a terror filled mentality, all the while the mentality also ferociously blaming and castigating the Will aspect. Ever since that time, so very long ago, the Will has been (although not at fault) desperately trying to redeem itself by tirelessly and faithfully doing the bidding of the Spirit mentality in an effort to prove itself a valuable companion and irreplaceable part of the whole, waiting for some sign of recognition and appreciation as its reward. But this or any real recognition has never been forthcoming. The Will is just as injured from the unwarranted torment by the mentality today as in the beginning. In the meantime, the mentality has strutted around arrogantly proclaiming itself all powerful and superior, while the Will has held itself back and suffered endlessly because of its own false sense of original misdeed and guilt. This sorry story was all laid vividly bare this morning.
The irony is that it is only the Will that holds any and all real power; not the vaporous dreams emanated by a judgmental but otherwise empty mentality. What occurred this morning evolved and completed its own inner process from beginning to end within several hours. What the Will aspect has only now begun to accept and realize is that it is and always has been blameless, faultless; the mentality was causal of all, and it then blamed anything but itself for its own self-created stupidity and calamities. Reflections of this kind of arrogant misdirection continue on in full force yet today. From my awareness studies up to this time I had come to understand the blamelessness of the Will, and was therefore able to quickly impart and infuse this understanding into the now evolving, ever more free and welcoming Will aspect. This original mistaken reversal in understanding by the Will aspect is now in itself being reversed—finally. The emotional decision to let go of the old misunderstanding and blame was decided entirely by the Will aspect, as my mentality observed the process without interfering. It is now done, and the realization of self-approval and the redemption it fosters is spreading outward in time and space. I do not know what changes this alteration in Will attitude will bring, but I know that I am in alignment with my Will aspect more than ever. At the conclusion of this writing I felt compelled to finish with the following statement: You are now forewarned; changes are in the wind….
Where I am living at the moment is gifted with hoards of lizards. There must be hundreds of them living happily in the little yard surrounding the house. From the main door, by the time I walk down the path a mere 15-feet or so I may have encountered a dozen or more of the frightened little things—each one scampering wildly away in a panic, trying to escape from the monstrous human like creature approaching them. Why is it that they always attempt an escape toward safety in what seems to me to be a stupid way. Instead of moving away from the perceived danger the lizards run at top speed in the very direction that brings about the most peril, which takes them directly across the path in front of me. I often find myself having to carry out some fancy footwork to keep from squashing them, which sometimes puts me at risk of falling. Why is it that to get away from me (and visitors) they always seem to go from a safe position on one side of the path suddenly rushing to the other side, in the process scampering right under my footfalls? Nature has apparently compensated for this inbred stupidity by generating copious numbers of the little creatures so as to insure their survival. Or is it that they have ignorantly fragmented themselves down to this level of grossly inept stupidity, irrespective of any nature driven attempt at long term survival? Extending this reflection to myself, I pause to wonder if I would do the same kind of stupid thing if I were triggered into some kind of imagined panic. Possibly, but I think I would do the opposite of the lizards, and move away from potential danger rather then turn around and run headlong into a high probability of being mashed flat. At least this is how I have behaved in the past when facing potentially dangerous situations.
These incessant lizard reflections remind me to look again at the collective behavior of people. I have long observed that humankind tends to choose “solutions” that ultimately exacerbate the very situation they were supposed to avoid and/or prevent. Are people like lizards, there being so many of them so as to insure their survival, too? And why is it that whenever pressed by some challenging situation humankind collectively also tends to choose a path that leads to some kind of sooner or later unpleasantness, if not outright disaster? And why is it that when given a series of choices, whereby any one of which will likely result in pain and suffering, people will always tend to choose the option that brings about the most distress and anguish. I observed this propensity toward disaster in my parents, and I continue to observe this kind of behavior by people in general, all doing this same kind of thing over and over again. Does nobody learn? How many times do some people have to risk life and limb before it finally, if ever, dawns on them that there might be other options worth considering? Are people so programmed (like the little lizards) that they cannot follow anything but a predetermined but flawed mind-set? Seems like it, but surely there must be a few people out there with some free Spirit essence who do not always restrict themselves to nothing but mental programming. As for me, this seemingly inherent tendency is just one more good reason to not want to be human, and to excel as this awareness work. I like where I’m going—home—away from the incessant insanity infecting the environment here on earth. Glad to be an alien, but unhappy about being yet stuck here on earth.
Evil spelled backwards is live. If someone sees evil through their eyes it is they who harbors evil (backwards living), and it is they who see and force the process of living to go in reverse (or backwards). Instead, to resolve this reversible condition, simply reverse what it is you are doing inside and you will start living, instead of eviling.
When the gods first came to this forsaken planet the humans feared and were terrified of them and so when the gods relented and gave up their power in an ill-fated attempt to more or less try and fit in with the humans, so that maybe they could then help improve their lot, the humans did nothing but do whatever they could to always get in the way of and wreck any assistance or progress. How could I possibly know this? Well, it’s easy. I just look at the pretty feeling pictures that bubble up from within me when some outer reality happening spontaneously triggers such things, and then I merely write about what I see and feel. That’s it, folks. There are no private visitations from God, Lord Vishnu or some other possibly important deity.
Today, however, the gods of old are gone and completely finished as a godlike entity. They have become too fragmented and lost in the miasma of human wreckage that infects this planet. But, although the gods are gone, the humans are still hard at it, doing their very best to always meddle in and wreck any chance of improving their lot as a whole, or within any one particular physical lifetime, let alone for any kind of forever. Nothing has changed. Humans will be humans, leopards will never change their spots and insects will keep on being little bugs. The repertoire of past history repeats and repeats ad nausea. The only thing that you might convincingly say has changed is that there are now a few billion more irritating fragments involved in the same old fracas. When it will stop? Nobody knows (oh, eh, only the shadow knows—for those readers who remember old time radio serials). At least the ongoing drama keeps people occupied and gives them something to fret about.
Once again there are “good” and “caring” human forces hard at work here in the U.S. working diligently to bring about a utopian nirvana, thereby saving the world from the seedy side of humankind. It will not work, and will fail in the same old way that all previous attempts have failed. Horrific disaster is afoot. It has nothing to do with which political party is in power or any other normally considered thing, agenda, skepticism, or antagonistic group. For this writing it is simply a matter of the (generally denied and unseen) mechanics working tirelessly behind the scenes. There is no escape from the underlying mechanics of consciousness, try, try and try again as someone might. That humankind does not learn from its past mistakes and self-induced calamities is a gross understatement. But how can it, when it does nothing to mitigate the wholesale denial and rabid judgmental imprinting that remains in place and/or that is constantly increasing in strength and ferocity? The eventual outcome here is not only predictable, it is a certainty. Only the exact form and shape of the ensuing reflections is yet a mystery.
For those people hoping to impose some sort of utopia it must eventually and will always come down to using force of government to stamp out the so-called bad, the greedy and despicable side of human nature, so as to force “good” on the poor and theoretically disenfranchise masses. But this kind of so-called humanitarian activity is denial at its finest and greatest, and it must produce an equal or greater counterforce and results that will go solidly against that which is being forcibly mandated. Reflections are reflections no matter whether someone likes them or not, and they cannot be escaped no matter how good someone’s intentions might appear to be. It is impossible for someone to escape from themselves, because no matter where they run and/or attempt to hide they are still there with themselves, along with any appropriate reflections which must necessarily be there, too. Any creator, you, in this instance, cannot hide from that which you are. No matter where you go you are always there, too, right along with your same old creative intent and force. It is this creative force that you are trying to hide from, which is impossible. You are always there with yourself. It is thusly ironic that the very people who so want and demand utopia are the very ones whose own inner reality denials create the outer reality hell that they then attempt to use force to quell, correct, and destroy. As such, this kind of person will be a war with themselves but not take the time to see or acknowledge it. They are unaware fools much too numb and dead to take notice of their own creative involvement in the tragedies they ignorantly create, while falsely pretending and proclaiming that they are saviors of mankind.
If you want utopia look inside and change your inner reality, and leave outer reality alone. It will change when you change and not before! Until some honest awareness creeps into the worldly situation, something that for the moment seems incredibly unlikely, the same old timeworn scenario of applying force for good will, in turn, create an opposing force that will sooner or later result in horrific destruction, a cycle that will go on, and on, and on…. But, then, the people whose creative influence drives the situation deserve the outcome, which does of itself constitute a learning process that might eventually bring about a useful awareness process. How much horrific pain and misery does it take for this to happen? What is known is this: If you want true peace and prosperity resolve your own inner reality war and the perceived outer reality enactment it creates will lift of its own accord. But will anybody embroiled in the so-called “real” world do this? Probably not anytime soon. What would a normal person do without all of the thrilling drama to occupy their otherwise dreary and hopeless lives?
Observing a “better off” slice of humanity over the Fourth of July holiday weekend has left me pondering the fate of humankind. The area I live in is a popular holiday destination for people who have the money to pay the rental fees for the miles of luxury condominiums, apartments, and vacation homes that line the beaches and intrude into adjacent areas. Comparatively, some people might suggest that I live in relative squalor, but happily so. As a consequence of the area’s resort status the permanent residents here don’t tend to see what might be called objectionable low-income “riff-raff” and homeless type people. And please note that my comment here is not intended to cast dispersions on anyone with a low-income, but to point out that the people who come to here to drink and play would generally be considered to be people of means, the go-getters, the middle-upper to upper crust of society. So, I am astonished as to how utterly stupid, inept, unaware, and arrogant the majority of these “jet-set” visitor’s act and seem to have become. Do these people represent the “captains” of the financial world and industry? If they do, then, the driving intelligence for this country has degraded itself to this point whereby I must wonder how much longer this country can continue to flourish, how long can this show go on? Who knows? In the meantime, the little gray squirrels in my backyard have a better chance of long term survival. For anyone truly aware all of this obvious degradation is readily explained by the mechanics of fragmentation: Take a given sum total of mental essence (making up some parental being) and keep on dividing it up (fragmenting it with denial as motivation) and you have more individualized entities but less capability and functionality per individual. It’s as simple as 2 + 2 = 4, or perhaps more correctly 1 parental blob of essence eventually equals a near infinity of functionally useless and worthless child entities.
Is there anything that can be done to resolve this kind of fragmentation impasse? Well, yes, but it will probably be anything but a gentle and happy process. If there is ever going to be a general healing of fragmentation and the commensurate denial that goes right along with it, coupled with a rebalancing of the Spirit and Will aspect, how will such a thing be accomplished? Will the mental aspect ever voluntarily relent and do what it takes to allow this kind of thing to occur? Or will such a healing have to be forced, and, if so, how much pain and pressure must be put on the mentality before it will agree to change its ways and invite reintegration with the Will aspect? My observations to date suggest that the mentality will not in the foreseeable future move to permit such a healing and/or balancing of the Spirit and Will polarities. So far, when pressure (usually in the form of both inner and outer reality doses of increasingly unbearable pain and violence) is put upon the mentality it sometimes shows an increased willingness to consider change, but as soon as any applied pressure softens or abates the mentality snaps right back to its old habitual ways and thereafter eschews any move toward significant change. So, what will Creation need to do in order to set permanent change into motion, and then once accomplished how will it continue to keep it in place? Thus the question: How much pain and pressure is required before healing will be allowed to occur? For myself, I’d like to take the easy path and do my healing work voluntarily, but woe-be-the-day for those who choose to remain ignorantly unaware, detached, and in denial. I do not want to be in their shoes if and when a day of reckoning does come to pass.
Today my associate Rich pointed out an obvious trend, something both he and I have been noticing and casually chatting about for years. His comments this morning brought our observations more into focus, and rightly so. Over the years we have noticed that (in general, here in the U.S.) white people seem to be becoming less and less intelligent, or dumb, as well as looking physically weaker and mushy, while, in contrast, black people seem to be becoming more and more intelligent and physically vital and strong. Why? Are they getting the essence that the white people are denying and pushing away due to their rampant and righteous judgment making? Interesting hypothesis, don’t you think? This scenario makes sense from a mechanical point of view. In simplistic terms, the white people tend to deny away any mental and emotional (the Will) content that they do not like, while black people tend to be much more emotional (accepting of the Will aspect). And, of course, whenever some aspect of the Will is denied the mentality associated with that Will energy goes into denial with it, and, so, where does this “lost” mix of mentality and Will go? Does it just stay in limbo, in some sort of purgatory, or does it go where it is most accepted and welcomed? How ironic and perhaps fitting that the whites, many of whom have hated the blacks, are doing to themselves exactly what is necessary to lose the best parts of themselves to the blacks, who, in turn, seem to be welcoming what has been lost, albeit perhaps unawarely, but nonetheless much to their overall benefit.
Which race team do you think will win out in this Caucasian initiated self-defeating game of denial? Right now I’ll place by bet on the blacks. But, in the long run, with all of the “white” mentality they are getting they will probably someday show the same “white” attitudes and start judging everything and, in turn, shift the balance of transfer to some other receptive group. Thus, what goes around eventually comes around, again and again, suggesting that nothing is really new, just the reapplication of humankind’s revolving store of inherent stupidity. You might think that this trend would catch the attention of concerned white people, but, no, since the less powerful and dumber one gets the less self-awareness and motivation is present. It is self-entrapment at its best. Escape is ever more unlikely as unawareness increasingly dominates. What is the resolution of this kind of self-defeating collapse? Is it absorption by some essentially parental and more powerful entity or it is simply absolute extinction? Time will tell.
Today I came across an article on Memory Transfer, Watchers and Nephilim. What are Nephilim, I wondered? According to this article they are essentially “genetically engineered ‘Nephilim agents’ that appear to be human but who hypothetically see and even interact with invisible forces.” The article goes on to mention a study launched in 2009 to explore communication with "entities,” called the SOPHIA project (after the Greek goddess). The express purpose of the study is to verify communication "with deceased people, Spirit guides, Angels, other-worldly entities / extraterrestrials, and/or a universal Intelligence / God." Hmmm. How strange it is that this kind of stuff is such a complete mystery to such supposedly intelligent people. Oh, well, I can do this kind of stuff to some extent naturally and without the aid of any bioengineering or other scientific manipulation. Anyone could do it—if and when they recover what they have ignorantly and/or purposely lost out of their awareness and/or have sufficiently regained a requisite threshold amount of integrated Will presence. It’s our normal sate to enjoy such paranormal abilities. But who in their right mind would want to do it the easy way, such as with this simple minded awareness work, which excels in simplifying and understanding the mechanics of life?
Let’s instead make the task extremely difficult and take decades of ceaseless high-cost toil, spending trillions of dollars on mental based research projects that then ultimately screw up humans, animals, the environment and everything else. Of course, all of the ethics and religious oriented groups and their protagonists will join happily in the fray, dragging it out and condemning the whole thing while it happens anyway, and probably right in front of everyone’s eyes.
But, don’t worry; be happy. I’ll be content to continue on with my simple awareness work and keep on working my way out of the insanity that defines the normal earth reality, and, it seems, the faster I can do so the better off I will be. In the meantime, I am confused as to why people always seem to insist on indulging themselves in ways that consistently bring about tragedy, suffering, and de-evolution. But, then, as I become less and less human it becomes increasingly easier to understand the mechanics of such wanton folly.
Last night I watched a television program on the History Channel about cults, more specifically it covered Jim Jones (People’s Temple), Marshall Applewhite (Heaven’s Gate) and Wayne Bent (Strong City). All of the people depicted were excellent examples of very fragmented and disconnected individuals, with the leader (as well as the rare cult members who eventually got wise and departed) being less fragmented and more parental to the obediently following (or clumped together) fragmented remnants. Typical of fragmented souls is the tendency for like minded mentalities to cluster together in an attempt to become more complete, and usually associate with a leader that is more complete and parental than the often blindly subservient followers. All are, however, highly disconnected from the Will aspect, albeit that some fragments may have some appreciable free Will attached to them. Another trait common to fragmented and disconnected entities is the tendency to do whatever they judge is necessary to effect a more or less complete disconnection from the physical plane (or physical reality) and lift away (with only their mental aspect) into their perceived heaven. I call such entities “lift-outs” or “shinybrites,” a term coined after a brand of shiny Christmas tree ornaments popular during my childhood.
Any so-called “lift-outs,” or, for that matter, anyone else who aims to escape the body and/or physical reality by any means whatsoever, is definitely not a candidate for this kind of awareness work. This work is the opposite of trying to escape that which cannot be escaped. The humorous irony here is that the entity trying to escape the body and/or physical reality, i.e., the Will aspect, must rely upon the Will aspect, which it is trying to escape, to provide the mentality desiring escape with the experience of it being outside of the Will. In other words, the Will provides an experience for an entity of it being outside of itself. But, of course, in actuality the mentality thinking it has escaped is just as much within the body of the Will as is anybody else, regardless of it having an experience of being externalized. Consequently there is no way to escape, other than to quit vibrating with any sense of life altogether. But, then, this is not escape, it is loss of all life through extinction, while still being within the body of the Will. Once this fact of existence is fully realized and seen for what it is there is no further reason to attempt any kind of escape, because all one can do at best is create an illusion of escape that is produced by the very Will aspect the mentality is trying to escape.
So, once again, all topical roads lead back to the beginning, the case in point here being this awareness work, which is not about “lifting out,” but, instead, it is all about reconnecting and getting back into the Will. This means thoroughly understanding both the mentality and Will, and then permanently resolving those parts of the mentality and Will that have been ignorantly imprinted and programmed to create experiences that are not liked and therefore unpleasant. “Lift-outs” are powerless, forever trapped in the life-cycle replays that are appropriate for their specific fragmented mental content. Steeped in judgmental content their lot is to experience further fragmentation and an ever greater spiraling down into more and more rigidity while on their way to possible extinction. This is not the kind of end I want or envision for myself. I am intentionally going the opposite direction of the “lift-out,” but happily give someone my blessing if a lifted-out end is what they genuinely desire. Nonetheless, that said, I suppose that some fragmented and/or disconnected individuals will deviously want to associate this awareness work with the aforementioned cults, and probably do so for reasons that I cannot foresee or hope to fathom. Anyone seeing or doing this kind of thing will merely be responding to their own embedded cultish judgments and tendencies, and fears of such, albeit such obvious tendencies may go completely unrealized in any useful way.
Whew! There you have it. I made it through this bit of writing while remaining polite and reasonably politically correct, trying to fit in well enough so that there might be some marginal hope of useful communication—instead of fully offending almost everyone. But ask me in person what I think about cults (including the world-wide popular ones), lift-outs and shinybrites and I’ll give it to you complete with all of the emotion, four letter expletives and incredulity that I feel, but that I do not want to put into print.
What is the cause of everything that plagues humankind? To sum it up into one simple sentence: It is disconnection from the Will aspect. Or, to break it down a bit, what is the cause of illness, aging, and death? Again, it is disconnection from the Will aspect. This same thing can be said of all humankinds voluminous surfeit of problems, no matter whether one looks at the macro or micro. If the solution is so simple that it can be reduced to a brief sentence, then why are there so many unresolved issues to be dealt with on an everyday basis? Therein lies the crux of the overall problem: Understanding the Will and the ramifications of being disconnected.
Thousands of words have been written on this web site about the Will and its attributes, but do any of these words resonate with anybody? If not, the reader is disconnected with the Will. Ironic, is it not, that I can describe the Will in great detail but nobody absent a Will connection can see, hear nor comprehend the words in a useful way? What a superb Catch-22 situation. Without a Will connection nobody can comprehend the Will, and the only way to comprehend it for the disconnected person is to first reconnect to it; something that they can neither comprehend, understand, or tangibly touch—until after a re-connection has occurred. Thus, my words about the Will, and the Will itself, remain an unfathomable and unknowable mystery for the disconnected. What then the solution for anyone disconnected, and who may want to reconnect to this elusive aspect of the total Self?
Ah, yes, how to do it? The secret of how to do it is written many times and in many ways throughout this web site, but can you see (and/or read) it? I’d predict the answer to be probably not, maybe positively not. So, then, what alternatives are there? I’m guessing that the only effective alternative is to put yourself in the hands of someone who is already connected and who knows how to reconnect from personal experience. Will you do this? Probably not, or perhaps more precisely, positively never! Why? Would you trust another person with your life? If you have no Will connection you will not be able to feel if a supposed facilitator is trustworthy and up to the task. Thus, unable to feel, unable to mentally trust without judging or doubting, you will be in an impossible situation, unable to move ahead due to your own self-imposed incompetence and therefore ever stuck permanently in festering denial and all that it provokes. Consequently, you will remain human, unwilling to take the steps necessary to get out of your predicament, forever lost to be at the effect of what you have intentionally lost and that has been pushed far away and out of your awareness, with no way of recovering or knowing what you have lost. This is the predicament of humankind. Salvation is at and under its very nose, but it cannot see nor feel the awesome power and sense of heritage that is waiting impatiently to return, but can never do so due to the mentality’s self-directed disconnection from its own Will.
Today I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror and was surprised at what I saw reflected back; a body that is tired and no longer is willing to put up with endless earth lives. It simply cannot bear this stupid game we earth-bound humans like to play much longer. Why? Because, dear reader, dreary toil and misery is not to the liking of any body, and such a dismal life is far beneath what it was intended to be. Thus, I could see in one flash of an instant that I have been denying who and what I am, the reluctant God that I am.
But, then, I am not alone. All of mankind is doing likewise, denying their wholeness (holiness), their Godlike qualities within, peering instead out into the wilderness like little lost sheep. But this is no wonder, because they do not know of the Observer within, looking away and focusing frantically on their mind, hoping that it and its voluminous matrix of misbegotten judgments will save them from themselves. But for me, I am no longer willing to go on denying the birthright heritage that is mine and that I foolishly tried to push away and out of my awareness.
This little story took place in the mid 1980s. It was a bright and sunny day in Los Angeles, and pleasantly warm. I was walking down a side street headed toward Westwood Boulevard, which was less than one block away, making my way to a Hellerwork session now just a short distance away. Walking in the leaf strewn gutter was a woman in an old print dress and a straw hat that was drawn down over her eyes. She was walking slowly toward me and perhaps some fifty feet away when I first paid her much attention. She looked like an old hag, and I was tempted to cross over to the other side of the street so as to avoid her. But, instead I stayed my course on down the sidewalk. When she was about ten feet away I looked over at her and at that moment she suddenly glanced up and with penetrating blue eyes she looked straight into my eyes. I was taken aback, and in that moment of eye contact I knew that she knew who I was and why. Not a sound passed out lips. None was necessary. It was an exhilarating moment that I still remember vividly more than twenty-five years later. This apparent old hag was endowed with an awareness that went far beyond the average stare.
Flustered, but happy, I continued on to my Hellerwork appointment, which was with a fellow by the name of Chet Wilson, who was also a devotee of Swami Muktananda. I told Chet the story. He listened patiently and then with glistening eyes said: “God does not come with trumpets blaring.” It was a point well taken. I had almost missed my appointment with “God” because of my own silly attitudes and judgments about what I perceived to be happening. I never made that mistake again, laying aside my judgmental stupidity in favor of finding what is often hidden and paradoxical in whatever I see, hear, or experience.
The Supplemental Manual ends with a final chapter entitled “Saying Goodbye for Now.” Of course, that last farewell chapter has never been published and it probably never will be put to the light until the last few incomplete chapters of the manual are finally finished and published—if ever. In the meantime, that final, brief chapter closed with a memorable quote from one of the lessons in the set of books entitled “A Course in Miracles.” Although I have probably forgotten most of what I read from these books (way back in the early 1980s) there is one thing that has remained stuck in my memory right up to this day, because I knew that one day it would be true for me and that nothing else would matter. I am now approaching that day of reckoning, when all else will have been peeled away. I am welcoming that day’s arrival more than words can possibly convey. Here is the quote, which speaks for itself: “Oh, Holy Child of God, when will you realize that only Holiness can content you and bring you peace?” I know what holiness feels like; it rises buoyantly up from the gut and penetrates the mentality instilling a greatness and splendid majesty that cannot be put to words. Nothing less than this will ultimately ever satisfy me. I know that holiness is for me, and that I am still unwinding those things clenched within my mentality that I still let keep me from it, stupid as that might seem.
I have come to understand and appreciate the profundity of my widespread ignorance. Moreover, the longer I live and the more I experience the more ignorant I become. I consider this a good thing. It keeps me on my toes and alert, and from slipping into the lethargy that results from thinking that I know something. When I was a teenager I thought I was smart. I don’t ever want to be that dumb again. Since that time I have worked long and hard to lift myself up and out of the tremendous burden and limitation imposed by man-made knowledge, i.e., eating the forbidden fruit of the tree of life.
There is a time to do, and then a time to finish. For me it is a time in which to finish up all the loose ends lying unfinished, so that I can begin anew without old baggage tugging at my mentality and holding me back. Someone may have noticed all the new postings on the awareness section of this web site. This is because I have been dusting off old, as well as relatively new, but unfinished writings that I have been saving for one good sounding reason or another. Once finished they will be posted, so that I can complete any and all agreements made with myself and be done with them forever. As of today, happily, there is only a little bit remaining to complete. However, this work excludes any further diddling toward finishing up the Supplemental Manual. I looked at some of the unfinished text today and I just have no feeling interest to do anything more with it. Maybe this feeling attitude will change at some future point, but for now I am turning my attention to newer, more interesting things.
Once this current completion and posting mania is finished I don’t know whether, or not, I will have anything further to say, share, or write in a public way. But irrespective of my published persona, I will be moving deeper into my awareness journey regardless of whether I ever choose to share or write anything more about it. So, these days are for tidying up and putting to rest more of what keeps me human and stuck here on earth. It’s a good day, today, and I’m looking forward to being done with it all.
Today at the gym I got a large dose of energy that jumped from somewhere, actually from many sources, and I felt mentally dazed long after getting home. About 7:30 PM that night I was feeling more clearly alert and began to notice what the recently received energy was holding. It was physical body / sexual energy, and it felt as though it all came from some of the younger men at the gym, although the building probably had about half the number of women working out, too. This gender selectivity confused me. I wondered why these young guys would be voluntarily jettisoning so much of the very physical strength and sexual energy that defined youth, and that was just the type of energy they probably flaunted and highly valued. My friend, Rich, who had been a trainer in a gym maybe ten years ago, had a plausible answer to my vexing question. He suggested that, since these guys were into being very macho, what they were pushing away was sexual energy directed toward other men, as well as anything soft and sensual that might be directed toward anyone—men or women, animals, etc. And, apparently, along with it came associated body strength. Possibly so, I thought, but these young men were pushing away a very significant portion of their totality, perhaps in some instances something approaching 50% of the essence that provided them with strength and sexuality. This shocked me, although I appreciate the fact that such energies would be attracted to and find a home within me.
People seem to covet all kinds of harsh and inane judgments toward sensuality and sexuality and what it should or must not be. And in part because of this willful mental insanity they fail to know the Will, which does not differentiate between gender, race, or species. It can generate the same feelings of love and sensuality toward anything, and by denying them the entity doing the denying foolishly land rapidly diminishes themselves forever—unless they someday come to their senses and also understand how to recover what they have stupidly lost. These young men, however, will probably not notice any vitality loss in the near term, since what jumped to me had already been denied out of their useful awareness. They may even be happier now with this unwanted stuff out of their lives, they no longer having to wrestle with it and what they thought troubled them. What happened today was just the final act in a long standing struggle to be rid of thoughts and feelings that were feared and unwanted. Their loss; my gain. While I welcome the increase in energy, albeit someone’s denied energy, I cannot cause a transfer to occur. The other party must first choose to want it gone, with me no more than a random but welcoming recipient. Of course, all of this newly received energy will easily be routinely resolved and set free, but what a waste for the unaware and spiteful donor. For me, it is just another day’s work.
Yesterday I enjoyed seeing the recently released movie, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. It was an interesting experience and one with unexpected consequences. About the time that Benjamin had aged up to being a teenager I noticed some mild triggering in my gut, and by the time he was just an infant again and closed his eyes for the last time the triggering in my gut had increased to an easygoing uproar. Oddly, my mentality was not connected to the reason for the Will’s independent and intense triggering. However, looking back at the action on the movie screen I can deduce the motive behind the Will agitation, which had to do with the topic of enduring physical death. Fast moving undulating waves of convulsion were bouncing around inside me like so much wiggling Jello. At one point, about fifteen minutes after the movie had ended, the gut action was so intense that I was experiencing very apparent physiological symptoms throughout my chest and abdomen. To the uninitiated awareness student it probably would have been scary, but to me it was welcome, exciting, and revealing. Looking through my inner eye my gut was flushed with a white colored quickly fluttering turmoil, which systematically moved upward in gushes of inner wailing and sadness. The whole process had such an effect on my body that I temporarily abandoned any thought of wanting to do some shopping on the way back home. It probably took about an hour before my gut calmed down and I was almost “normal” once again. To be sure, Benjamin Button had pushed one of my Will’s buttons, and it was a wonderful release and learning experience. It was once again obvious to me that the Will aspect does not like obliging the mentality and its “subconscious” content that literally inspires and causes to be manifest the miserable experience of physical death. There is a gold mine of awareness to be gleaned from this short but wonderful event. Now the challenge for me is to find a way for my mentality to intimately connect to this triggered Will, and do so in such a way so as to understand the disconnected Will message, and then resolve any remaining attachments and/or content embedded within my mentality that has the effect of conjuring up death, i.e., allowing me to finally, completely, once and for all resolve the experience of death.
Get busy recovering more of my "lost" parts, and once I have myself sufficiently back together get the hell off of this planet and go back home!
I recently read about a Beverly Hills cosmetic surgeon that specialized in liposuction. He had been taking home the fat he sucked out of patients, where he then processed it into biodiesel, a substitute for diesel fuel, i.e., LipoFuel. He used it to power his SUV. According to the article it is possible to get about one gallon of fuel for each gallon of human fat, and it reportedly gets about the same mileage as regular Diesel fuel. This suggests that a gallon of human fat ought to be good for maybe 30 to 50 miles of travel. Then, if you consider that one gallon of human fat weighs approximate 7 ½ pounds, I have seen quite a few very obese people in the mall lately who could easily have fueled an efficient vehicle for well over 1000 miles of happy motoring. Unfortunately, it turns out this using medical waste is illegal and so the good doctor fled the country. Now when I look at people my crazy mind evaluates them for potential mileage, and many people nowadays look to be worth a lot of money if converted into liquid fuel. I don’t advocate doing this, of course, but the idea of LipoFuel is amusing to me.
Yesterday I was reminded of a story told several years ago by Dr. Richard Schulze, the man who founded and operates the American Botanical Pharmacy (see link in the Links to Resources page). His company produces high quality herbal products used for body cleansing and health maintenance. I have personally used his products for many years and found them to be potent and very effective, as advertised. But to the point here: People would purchase his products for a particular body cleansing program and then sometime later waddle back whining and complaining that the “cleanse” did not work. Dr. Schulze would patiently talk to them and inquire as to exactly what they had done. Invariably, the pathetic whiners did not follow the instructions, complaining it was too difficult, or too this, or too that and so on ad nausea. Dr. Schulze would eventually reprimand the person when pointing out that they did not do his cleansing program, they did something else. I empathize with Dr. Schulze. This awareness work is no different; people jump in thinking they can deal with anything that life can throw at them. Soon, however, little things come to light that are seen as too difficult, or too this, or too that, and the initiate begins to whine and complain and blah, blah, blah. And just like the story above, they choose to blame someone else for their failure. Of course, they did not do my kind of awareness work, but, nonetheless, they go on whining and complaining that this stuff does not work and that I should modify it and do it all differently. These peevish clods refuse to do anything that might bring about real change and that may be uncomfortable, challenging, or difficult, but they relish complaining about everything, conveniently leaving anything useful that works and that they don’t like or fear. This kind of person has earned and deserves their life of pain and misery, and an end reward consisting of a slow, rotting death. It can all be summed in one comment, which one of my sisters uttered, “we are happy in our misery,” and so her life shall be.
Once again I had removed the link to the awareness stuff from the home page and thought I was finally done with the online version of this work. However, lazy me did not actually delete the files from the host server, because I saw no rush to do so, although I was planning to remove them within the following month. Then today, surprise, like clockwork, just before the awareness files were deleted an old acquaintance in Denmark, a fellow who had expressed an interest in this work back about 1996 and had diddled around with it for a few years, wrote, and wanted access to the writings. For all I knew this fellow was dead and gone, but presto, he was back with some enthusiasm. Well, you guessed it, I reestablished the link to the awareness material. But something is different this time, because it feels like the stuff should be up and available, for whatever reason, whereas before I always felt as though it did not make any real difference whether it was available or not. Hmmmmm. I wonder what has changed in the great "out there?"
Over the last weeks it has been utterly fascinating to watch the talking heads scream at each other trying to be the most right about their judged position as to what has and is going to happen. This exhibition has and continues to be a superb example of increasing essence fragmentation and the antagonisms it generates. What a perfect time it could be for everyone in a panic to stop and consider the story about The Old Man and His Horse. But, no, the choice for insanity will surely prevail, as usual.
Sometimes I feel like I’d want to throw all of the awareness stuff I’ve written into the trash and be done with it once and for all, because much of it seems so obsolete, so old and in need of a complete rewrite. But then, I can’t rewrite it. I’m no longer at the beginning of the journey; no longer so ignorant and stupid. I have transformed so much and what I have learned is so much an integral part of me that I can no longer write about what I once discovered, or how I discovered it, because this work tends to erase the trail as one cleans up the mentality and advances in awareness. Old discoveries are no longer discoveries and what is no longer new or unusual is lost through transformation and gone from my notice and foresight. So, what is there to fix and write about? Nothing, except what remains to be discovered from this day forward. Nothing else exists. It’s all gone. This predicament of constant frontier extinction leaves no trail of crumbs for the neophyte to follow and digest, so what to do? Is something obsolete (from my vantage point of today) better than no trail at all? Should I do anything about this dilemma? I think not, and I have no inkling or desire to rewrite anything anymore. What’s the point? Can anyone understand the possibly unique meanings and nuances behind my many words? Will anybody follow somewhere behind? Probably not, and so I must decide what to do, which is to be nothing. But maybe I’ll finish up the Supplemental Manual for no good reason other than to complete my own learning process, and maybe I’ll feel motivated to post a few comments about new discoveries from time to time. Other than this, I think I’m done here.
I am reminded of a day many years ago when I observed a young man wearing a colorful T-shirt that was imprinted with the astute phrase, "Never underestimate the power of a large group of stupid people."
I underwent an interesting Will expansion last evening, with soft waves of energy radiating upward and outward from my gut. It lasted perhaps ten minutes. Toward the end of the process the results of an old decision that was still lodged in the Will aspect finally rose to the surface and burst into my mentality. I realized that I no longer needed to stay on earth, and that it was okay for me to go home. My job here was done, as I realized that there was never any good reason for me to come here in the first place, except, perhaps, to get down into the pain and muck so as to learn all about fragmentation and denial and how to resolve it on a grand scale.
Back about 1993-1994 I had come to mentally understand some of the reasons behind my coming to earth, and I had resolved them for the most part. But treating the mentality does not necessarily remove all remnants of an earlier choice. In this instance, many years of dedicated awareness work following the resolution of the mental aspect before I could get to the old, associated Will components that had been held fixed by means of yet unrealized denial. Then, once the Will component could release and was able to express out itself a bit of lost mentality connected to that “lost” Will energy could then return to my awareness. Now, at long last, I was able to finish dealing with and resolving what remained of the old mental choices, as well as allow the release of the associated Will energies. There are still some earthly attachments to deal with, but I am one big step closer to going home.
Over the past years I have many times come to the place whereby I intended to take down the so-called Mechanics of Consciousness section of this web site, but every time something unexpected happens at the last minute to change my thinking. For instance, a few days ago I was just minutes away from once again "pushing the delete button," when someone who has no knowledge of this web site or of the awareness work stopped by for a visit. Remarkably, the effect of this person's colorfully spontaneous conversation literally inspired me to keep the awareness site up and available. There is a lot of irony here, since the person who so inspired me is also someone who would tend to quickly condemn the awareness work due to his strongly structured religious beliefs and resulting goals. It amuses me that an "enemy" of this work would be the source of inspiration to keep it up and posted. But why? Why does something from "out there" always act to prevent me from removing the awareness material? It is still a mystery, but a pleasant one.
I recently spent a few hours with an old friend who, over the last few years, has become fervently religious and an outspoken evangelical in his approach to life. The conversation inevitably turned to his interests and he masterfully vocalized his beliefs and spiritual activities. He detailed many healing miracles that he had personally witnessed and/or that had occurred at the various conferences that he had been attending. I listened. Perhaps two hours later he came around to talking about some experiences “prophetizing over someone,” which to me seemed like what I know as “channeling,” i.e., voluntarily allowing and/or giving permission for some external personality to temporarily come into and use my body for purposes of communication with and to a specific person or group. The time spent with this person was interesting, even inspiring. While he was busy doing “God’s” work I understood the underlying mechanics that permitted him to experience the phenomena that so enraptured him. It was a miraculous and undeniably true religion to him, but simple mechanics to me. This brief encounter helped me to better appreciate my own level of understanding. I did not say one little thing to disrupt his beliefs or happy life, nor will I ever do so. It is not my place to change the life path that someone voluntarily chooses to live. This man is bubbly happy and has a real purpose to his life, and his religious activities seem to benefit the receptive and similarly oriented people he encounters. I would be a fool to throw a wrench into his nicely oiled gears, even if I thought doing so might eventually be to his overall advantage. When the time is right, either this lifetime or another one eons later, he will probably come to know what I know anyway. This is the process of life finding itself.
Here I am, still stuck on earth. I am definitely not native to this place of self-made toil and death, and that, relatively speaking, is a reality that feels lifeless and dead. The beings here, all of them, the animals and people alike, look and feel so empty, but, then, that is the nature of imprinting, fragmentation, and the denial that necessarily ensues. At least I am progressing with my own inner work and am now back to feeling what and how I felt immediately after arriving on this forsaken planet. Much was pushed down and denied away, so as to try and fit in with the pretense and denial worshipped by these beings. Of course, looking back, coming here was a stupid choice. I should have immediately gotten myself back together and left this place well enough alone. Being here is punishment enough for being so unaware as to even consider denying any part of myself in the first place. It is no fun feeling and dealing with this old stuff, but this essence must be accepted and recovered back into my life, so that I am more complete and one more step closer to ultimate freedom. The only happy note is that I keep getting closer to being able to go home, but the bad news is that I am still stuck here, although more acutely aware of my lost totality with each passing day and breath.
Around and ‘round it goes; where it stops nobody knows. This old childhood rhyme reminds me of the world today, and nobody knows where or when it will stop. Not me, and probably not you. Nonetheless, lots of talking heads keep right on prognosticating ad nausea, voicing, and fighting over opinions about this and that. In the long run none of it makes any difference. All those people out there, and about all that remains is a bunch of fragmented essence that can’t seem to work together to reach even a simple and common goal. Earth today is a good example of what exponential fragmentation carried on over the eons has wrought. About all that remains now is a sea of highly fragmented essence, each carrying certain imprints that tend to be more or less fixed, as well as antagonistic toward other, differently imprinted beings, all of which together at some distant originating point in time made up one majestic super being. How will creation deal with this mess, essence so fragmented that it can barely function anymore? I don’t know, but what I do know is that I can deal with my contribution to this situation and recover the lost parts of myself, thereby removing and healing what I have mistakenly added to the mix. Creation, itself, may have to move on a grand scale to resolve the rest of what needs to be healed; in its own time and in its own way. I just want to do my inner work and get on with my life so that I am not left standing ignorantly alongside all the other fragments when the issue of fragmentation is finally resolved, probably in some turbulent and apoplectic way.
A long time ago I remember reading about a Master somewhere in India that was said to be able to manifest paper money out of thin air. I cannot vouch for the accuracy of the story, but I always wondered if this Master could indeed do this, what serial numbers were on the bills? Were all the numbers identical (coming from the same etheric pattern)? Were they in consecutive order, or did they have random numbers? And did any of the serial numbers duplicate those of "real" government printed currency? I have no answer to this enigma, but would certainly like to experience first-hand someone who can perform such a wondrous feat, and discover for myself the answer to my questions.
I feel like I would like to run away and fly off into the cosmos, leaving far behind all of the earth-bound societal pretenses and hypocrisy, lack of appreciation, competitive deceit, rampant lovelessness and inherent but self-generated misery and rotting death. But, oh, yeah, here I am with a host of ancient memories and feelings while still too clumsy and inept to get myself out of my own self-dug hole. Ironic, yes, but sadly true—at least temporarily. Clearly there are still some missing pieces of my puzzle, and so more awareness recovery work there is to do.
But why did I do this to myself? Oh, that’s right, I thought that I needed to come here and fit in and be like the humans, so as to help them fix what seemed to be going wrong. But try as I might, I am still not one of them. What a bad mistake it was to come here. The good news is that my inner conflict is getting resolved. I have now recovered enough of my totality that I can clearly differentiate the part of myself that is still embedded in earthly ways, stubbornly holding on and thinking it needs to remain present here and carry out what it has judged as righteous and necessary. Happily, however, the portion of me that is pushing to fly away is rapidly growing in strength and vitality, and will someday soon be the predominant and deciding force. What patience it takes to put up with this recovery process.
The need for food (herein defined as an external energy source) is directly proportional to the amount of denial enforced density present, or, in the case of healing oneself through recovery, it is proportional to the energy required for that specific rigidified energy being recovered to expand back into a state of unlimited freedom.
A corollary to this is: When Will energy is coming out of denial and is decompressing the quantity of food energy necessary will expand to that which is required for normal activities plus what is needed to carry out the expansion, but any temporarily extra food quantity will taper off and return to normal levels, or maybe even a little below the previously normal intake level due to less overall density and denial.
The above hypothetical principle implies that for any entity the less overall Will aspect density there is there will commensurately be less externally derived food energy necessary to sustain and enable movement and expression. With each release of density the amount of food necessary to maintain the entity will decrease in some proportion. The question then arises, how far can this postulation be carried out? Can it go all the way to the point whereby the density of the entity approximates and/or actually reaches zero, where no more external food energy is required? What would this mean for an individual, when the need to steal energy from an external living entity was no longer necessary?
A few days ago I had one of those great moments when my “inner” vision and sensitivity spontaneously took another significant leap forward. This time I was finding myself looking at the cloud of mental energy that overlays, surrounds, intertwines, and communicates with the physically manifest biological matrix generally referred to as the brain. Suddenly observing the ethereal mentality and its relationship to the physical phase served to confirm what I had suspected and postulated during the early 1990s.
Way back then I had noticed time and time again that if and when parts of the mentality were resolved and released it was possible to feel the “hole” left by the newly freed mental energy. This was easy to do because the perceived hole in the mentality felt empty when compared to the surrounding still judgmentally rigidified mental essence. Moreover, if the resolved area served as a link between adjacent mental structures the interconnection was then eliminated. As such, a formerly triggered chain of judgmental responses could be cut, broken off, with the habitual responses stopping at the exact point where a link in the chain had been resolved.
With sufficient resolution work (meaning that many judgmental areas were resolved) I was able to induce what I then referred to as “cracking the mentality,” but later shortened the term to “head crunch.” This self-induced phenomenon could range from a mild sense of momentary disorientation to what amounted to a very intensely painful shattering of mental structures, whereupon the mentality felt as though it became very hard and “brittle” just prior to its cracking and the shattering breakup. These major upheavals occurred whenever any extensive mental structure has been sufficiently weakened by the successive resolution of crucial interlocking judgmental components that served to hold the structural concept intact. Once a certain resolution threshold was reached the shattering and collapse of the structure would spontaneously occur, and the extent and disruptive force of a collapse could be predicted beforehand by noting the accruing “glassy” brittleness of the mentality.
At the time, I speculated that the aftereffects of “cracking the mentality,” which always resulted in some degree of physical dysfunction that gradually eased and finally dissipated, was due to a partial disconnect between the electric and fast moving mentality and the dense physical element that needed a relatively long time to readjust and align to the slightly altered mental construct. Now that I could actually see the relationship existing between the ethereal mental and manifest Will energy phases it was clear to me why the aftereffects following a transformation of the mental structure occurred. When the energy structure of the mental essence was altered, for whatever reason, it was then to some variable degree out of phase and/or disrupted from its previously perfect intimacy with the physical structure, the brain, which was relatively very dense and slow to re-conform and again perfectly fit with the revised mentality.
Think of the brain as an intimately coupled antenna for the physical body that connects it to and with the ethereal mental essence (and, yes, the body does have its own physical processes in the brain that are relatively independent of the mentality—that is not the topic of this writing). If a portion of the mentality is resolved, i.e., altered and/or transformed in some way, then a corresponding portion of the physical antenna will be abruptly disconnected, resulting in some degree of disruption and confusion until the physical antenna can move to realign itself and reestablish an intimate interconnecting relationship. Put another way, a portion of the mental energy was able to change, restructure, and rebalance itself very quickly, in some cases seemingly instantly, but the corresponding dense physical aspect required a relatively long time to move and adjust itself, and essentially relearn how to correctly connect and interact with the altered Spirit mentality. And depending upon the severity of the mental changes the physical reconnection to the affected mental essence could take many days or more to perfectly accommodate and correspond to the newly transformed mentality, which in extreme cases can literally and painfully incapacitate a person for days.
Happily, the clarity of my new inner visual sensitivity has remained nearly constant now for several days, suggesting that my awareness gains are more than just a temporary spike. I am wondering what this latest jump in awareness portends….
Who tends to have the most denial, and where do you look to find this someone who holds the most self-hatred and its resulting self-denial? For any half-backed awareness student this is easy to answer: Just look around for the self-adoring and pretty people. You know, the ones who present the appearance of the being the most cosmetically perfect and beautiful, professing to be the most loving and gentle, the most self-assured and successful in a mentally devised and oriented world, and the most patronizingly generous when it comes to feigning real concern and caring for anyone judged to be of a lesser and poorer stature. Moreover, the more zealous, pompous, and radically righteous the hypocrite, the more violently they are keeping parts of themselves in denial, pushing anything not liked about themselves far, far away and out of their conceited notion of what consciousness is supposed to be.
So, then, where do you look to find their denials? This is another easy to answer question. Look no further then the wretched poor and disheveled people who the so-called good people are trying to fix and make better. Or you could look to the raging “bad” people and “greedy” scum that all of the nice and sweet loving people are trying to imprison and/or get rid of, so as to make their perceived world a better and “peaceful” place, albeit that peace may have to be enforced at the muzzle end of a gun. Who but a self-indulgent and pompous person, who arrogantly thinks that they know best about how to solve all of the world’s perceived problems would dare make themselves so blind to what they have done and are continuing to do to themselves and everything else? Not even manmade horrors and tragedy on a worldwide scale seem to get their attention in any useful, healing way, other than to demand the use of more and more brute force that only empowers denial caused reflections, ultimately making matters worse and more gruesome.
So what to do if you want to find someone who might truly be able to resolve perceived outer reality problems? To find a master of enlightenment most people look for the illusion, seeking something that seems to resemble their judgmentally inspired image of what they choose to see as righteous perfection. It will not matter whether these ideas have shown any efficacy, or not. The image sought will, nonetheless, tend to be constructed out of some combination of traits that are believed to be superior, perhaps even thought to be advocated by their concept of a God. What traits will the unaware seeker seek? They will probably be along the line of persons who gush out what the person wants to hear and believe, such as someone who maybe acts like they abhor violence, who appears to be compassionate for the listener’s wants and desires, the self-exalted person who knows best but who pretends to humble and lower themselves through rigid mental discipline and sacrifice for the benefit of others. But this person is the master of denial, not the master of enlightenment, unless you define enlightenment as the process of losing one’s light on the way to Hell. But the mere fact that someone is making themselves look outside for solutions, wanting to fix their outer reality reflections by not looking at the inspiring inner reality cause, ought to be enough of a warning sign for anyone wanting enlightenment to stay away and maybe even run for cover. Moreover, consider that any being who has become a real master of Creation would not be stuck here on earth slugging it out with its inhabitants, nor would this truly enlightened being want or have any need for the reflections provided by the current earthly environment mirroring limitation, misery, toil, and a gradual rotting death.
How do I choose a master? I do not. I let the master find me, and then feel what is right for me to take away, to learn, to integrate, or not. I allow everything reflected back to me via outer reality be a master of the moment, a teacher in some way or another. As such, my master and teacher could be anything, like a person, a ghostly apparition, a fleeting animal running away in fear, a majestic tree or even an inanimate stone. It matters not, only that I learn from whatever my perceived reflections show and teach—if and when I am willing. Thus, I do not have need to seek out an illusion, a fanciful apparition, an external savior dancing only in my mental dreams, because my teacher is always before me with my perfect lesson. There is no need to search, only pay attention to who and what I inspire. I cannot escape it. Everything is me, which loves me enough to teach me who and what I have made of myself. In this way I am never alone.
A main theme for the U.S. presidential candidates running for election this year seems to be change for change's sake, using the current Bush Administration as the excuse for mandating drastic change. But I notice that the few candidates who truly offered any hope of dramatic change quickly faded from the headlines and away from any significant voter interest. Two went so far as to advocate totally abolishing the Internal Revenue Service (IRS), it being something that most U.S. citizens complain about bitterly, along with high taxes. And yet the remaining front runner candidates favor raising taxes and further complicating the present system. It looks like these presidential hopefuls are mere versions of the same old, timeworn political thinking and blabbery that has been the mainstay of campaigning for a long, long time. So, from whom and where will any meaningful change come from?
I have witnessed this kind of "need for change" scenario many times over, both on the personal and national scale. This is where politics and awareness work have something very much in common, namely the gratuitous yapping about the necessity of making changes so as to improve the quality of one's life. For the new student in awareness work the necessity and happy anticipation of widespread change is brandied about with great fanfare, excitement, and optimism, but when it comes time to step-up to the plate and actually make the massive changes that were earlier acknowledged the student backtracks and runs away, usually very quickly reverting to their old, safely comfortable and habitual self-defeating patterns. Thus it is, as with politics, the idea of great and welcome change soon transforms itself and bogs down into no change at all. But all is not lost, because the body politic, right along with the former awareness student, will once again slide down into being happy and content in their hopelessly futile crusade for life, which will continue to be generously filled with the same old bitching, moaning, and complaining about everything wrong with their sorry existence.
It had been an odd day, rather unpleasant in feeling. My physical body did not seem to know whether it was going to live or soon give up and die, but I weather through the feeling storm without getting lost in judgments. But because I had no motivation to do much of anything I went to see a movie along with a friend. I did not particularly enjoy the movie; it had no reality for me. I perceived it as nothing more than an adventure movie with lots of far-fetched action and a predictable but meaningless plot. Nonetheless, once out of the theater I noticed that something about me was different. A change had occurred while I was distracted by the flashing Hollywood images. As I walked out of the large, enclosed mall I felt like I was an alien who had somehow been transported into an alien setting whereby I was walking amongst and quietly observing humans of all shapes and sizes. My vision was sharper then earlier and colors seemed brighter and more distinct, but in an odd way that I cannot accurately describe.
Once back home, and during a refreshing warm shower, I had the definite experience of an unfamiliar physical body consciousness standing upright within me, which was approximately the same shape and size as my current physical body, albeit a bit disconnected in a strange feeling way. I could tell that it had an intelligence and vitality of its own, but oddly disconnected in such a way that I could feel and “see” it, but not communicate with it. Nonetheless, I considered the whole experience a step forward in my awareness journey.
For many years now I have been carefully feeling and dealing with the physical aspect, and wanting to arrive at the point whereby I could actually communicate with it in a real and tangible way, but this kind of tantalizing re-connection to the manifest Will aspect has eluded me. Now today, the prospect of actual two-way communication between my mental aspect and physically manifest Will aspect seems genuinely possible, although not yet connected to such a degree that I can honestly say that bona-fide mutual communication can take place. I have no idea where today’s step will lead, nor do I have any clue how long it might be until the next step in my awareness progress occurs. No matter; I can be as patient as necessary—I think.
Even healthy, so-called natural food is an obvious addiction, one that helps keep me focused as a human, i.e., attached to the world as it is normally and commonly constructed by the fragmented mentalities that comprise humankind. Food keeps the feelings and intuition that lead to the real world suppressed and effectively lost, blurred, and obscured by the energy intent and effect of the food ingested. So, what so-called "food" does the body actually need if all the self-imposed addictions were resolved? While this question is an old one for me, the ultimate answer now seems and feels within sight, although I can't quite yet discern it clearly enough to do much about my situation. But the clarity will come in its own time, and so I am waiting, observing, listening for anything and everything, but at least I know what I am waiting for.
The gazillions of other insights that occurred before this page was created and that will never be remembered....