Awareness Expressions by Rich Irwin
If you are looking to read something that some people might think has a profound lack of political correctness look no further. If what you read here upsets or offends you, then deal with it. Being triggered is one good way to find what lays normally hidden within your mentality. What is in the blog are no more than just words, which have no meaning or power other than what you choose to give them. So, if you do not like what you read here take some initiative and reevaluate some old words that you probably never really understood in the first place. Becoming more aware is learning to see and feel beyond one's previous limits, and so herein may be a golden opportunity to more quickly advance your awareness skills. Happy reading!
I chose this name for my little blog section for two reasons. First, this is a place for me to express myself without the usual societal limitations and restrictions that I have encountered pretty much everywhere in the so-called “real world,” which is crammed full of pretense, denial, “political correctness,” and people pretty much treating one-another like shit in a number of various deceptive, albeit creative, ways.
The second reason is that I tend to be the guy in a room who would verbalize the shocking “reality” that everyone else in a situation would be thinking but would never dare say. Because of this natural talent people often jump to various unflattering conclusions, such as I’m an utter idiot or just a plain old bully. While I do not see nor feel myself as being these things I cannot control how other people choose to judge, which is an indication of how people see and judge themselves.
The trouble with “enlightenment” is that most of the “enlightened” beings that I have seen, heard, or read about have “lightened” themselves of their Will aspect, which then allows them to sit peacefully for hours at a time in statuesque meditation or in front of an audience doling out information to help them to happily lighten their load of Will energy. I have had experiences of being what I call “enlightened,” and it involved feeling knowledge moving up from my Will, centered in the area of the tailbone or gut, into my head. Once that information reaches the mentality and is comprehended by it, there is literally a flash of light that occurs which can be “seen” with one’s inner eyes. This kind of enlightenment gives one invaluable knowledge of life and Creation.
I can assure you, although I know I still have a long way to go, a truly “enlightened” being, that is a being that has knowledge of the universe, would not be spending their time with still bodies meditating for hours. A person that you would commonly see as being enlightened is most likely what we would refer to as “lifted out” of their bodies. They may speak softly and appear as though all of life is wonderful, but that’s only because they have denied most of life away so that they are devoid of much of anything. A truly enlightened person, at least as far as I am concerned and intend to be, doesn’t sit still, but is instead full of vigor and expression, and probably would have a lot of things to say that many people in this world would find unpleasant. This is because the vast majority of people in this world (“enlightened” ones included) are mostly dead, and ignorantly worshiping death to an extent so extreme it is way beyond their ability to comprehend who they really are, and/or the incredible opportunities and joy that the totality of life genuinely offers.
August 25th of 2016 marked the 21st year since my introduction to Terry and his awareness work. I was 25 when I first met him and began this work. I am now 47. There is nothing that could have prepared me then for what I went through to get to where I am and knowing what I know now… nothing but the life that I had lived, such as it was, up until that time.
I woke up early this Saturday morning, feeling the congested results of yet another cycle of herbal cleansing. It’s amazing how much the body can hold, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Fifty minutes in the sauna at 5 am had some nice benefits for all those aspects. I’m going to share some of those results with you here one last time.
I have had a blog on this site for many years. I have written probably twice as much as I have posted. I have also probably removed at least half of what I have posted over the entire time this blog has been up. I don’t like to write, or type. The vast majority of what comes out of me comes from a feeling place, and it likes to come out unhindered, like a free flowing stream. For me, writing or typing is akin to damning the flow of the stream. The expression builds up in my head as it flows from my gut and my hands work to get it all out. Most of the time they just aren’t fast enough.
Those who read this site without ever meeting us might think that I have very little to offer, when in actuality I am currently the only lifeline for any prospective awareness student. Terry has moved far beyond the ability to work much with any initiate, and Katya is only now beginning to push into the deeper parts of herself that, once she receives what they have to offer, will allow her the ability, and capability, to competently work with someone at “deeper levels.” (Understand that this comment is not at all intended to be disrespectful to Katya. Everyone has their major stumbling blocks to acknowledge, accept, face, and resolve if they want to have any substantial attainment of this work, and Katya has had the determination and balls, regardless of her fear of exploring the depths of herself, to stick with this for over 6 years now and I have every confidence that she will succeed where so many others tucked tail and ran. Before long she will be filling the space that I filled for Terry many years ago, and then maybe a privileged few will be receptive to what she will have to offer.)
Those who have spent any time at all with me in person discussing this work probably have a good idea of how much I have to say. Some probably find it to be too much, and there are times when I would agree with them. Sometimes less is more, or at least sometimes less is not so overwhelming. When a person asks the right question(s) I can go for hours. Some have found it useful. Some have found me to be a raging asshole, an arrogant prick, a nut job, and/or all of the above and more. A few have come to like or maybe even love me. Whether they see it or believe it or not, I love them all. It’s unfortunate they either didn’t understand me or chose not to. I can’t help that, but I did the best that they allowed me to do.
Recently conversations between Terry and I have occurred which find us both agreeing that we are feeling like our time teaching our awareness work is coming to an end. There is a shift coming for us where it will be time to do more walking of the talk than just talking it. To quote one of my favorite characters from one of my favorite movies, “Sooner or later, Neo, you're going to realize just like I did the difference between knowing a path and walking a path.”
So, I’m going to leave you with this one last post. One last attempt to convey as simply as I now know how what this work is and what you’re missing out on by not doing it. Earlier this morning I went to “YouTube” and just happened to click on a video of Muhammad Ali after he had gone to Iraq and negotiated the release of 15 hostages. One of the hostages thanked him and Ali responded, “Thank Allah and thank God. God works through people. It’s not me.” The released hostage then replied, “Well… I know, I know… but you literally saved my life.” That exchange has tremendous value to anyone who is willing to suspend their beliefs/attitudes/judgments and just look at the energy of that interplay. Ali is being given a valuable lesson but he has strongly indoctrinated his head with belief and so won’t get the message. The message to Ali is that there is no difference between Ali and god. Ali would likely argue that the inspiration to go to Iraq and make the attempt to get the hostages released was inspired by Allah or God, but anyone observing the situation doesn’t see Allah or God going through the effort. Ali is the one going through the effort. Whether the inspiration to act came from within Ali or from “God” or “Allah,” it was Ali who took the action. Ali had a choice to follow the inspiration or not, and that choice was his and his alone. Ali says God or Allah saved the hostage, but the hostage sees Ali as the one who made the effort, so he thanks Ali. BOTH Ali and the hostage ARE CORRECT. They just need to combine the two perspectives to have a more complete understanding. We are god.
You are god. If you aren’t aware of how or if you reject the notion, that is your choice, but it doesn’t change anything. So, you’re either aware of being god and accept it, or you’re not and you don’t, but you’re still god. If you hadn’t noticed or looked, you are the center of your universe. All of your choices and actions are done as a result of your free Will. If you get guidance from something “out there” that you choose to perceive as “God,” well, you’re still the one with the choice to follow through with the guidance or not, so at the very least you’re an equal partner.
Now here’s some more clarity for you to help with the understanding: “God” is not a being. God is a STATE of being. This state of being comes as a result of choosing to be conscious of your TRUE self. There are very few people in this world that I am aware of who know their TRUE selves. The personalities that most everyone shows the world, which they think are their true selves, are almost, if not complete, fabrications, lies, falsehoods and facades. Human beings are literally lost within themselves and most of them have not a clue. They have bought into their own deceptions, and, ironically, that is the source of all that is painful and miserable and wrong with the world that you live in. If you want to resolve all of the pain, misery, and anything that displeases you in life, then I can tell you from walking the talk that this work has the tools and understandings to aid you in doing that. Here’s the price: You must be willing to let go of any ideas or beliefs about life and yourself that doesn’t hold up under honest scrutiny, and you must be willing to face honest scrutiny or you will remain forever lost. Honest scrutiny is not an easy thing for a lost person to provide to themselves. As a matter of fact it’s near impossible, so you will likely need help. If you want that help, truly, then all you need do is feel the genuine desire for it and ask for it from Creation from within that feeling desire and I know that life will provide it to you. If you don’t receive that help then you don’t really want it, and so there will be the first thing for you to work through. After working on myself and with dozens of others over the course of two decades, believe me or not, nobody is completely willing to face honest scrutiny regarding every aspect of themselves and their lives. It’s much more accurate to say that nobody is willing to face much of it at all. If you want to argue this point just understand that you’re proving mine. I’ve been there many times. I know. Now here’s a secret way to help you recognize honest scrutiny when life is providing it… most of the time YOU WILL NOT LIKE IT! The more you dislike and want to push something away that life is giving you, the more value it has to your success in finding your true self. Have fun!
So, to wrap this up, I don’t really care what you or anyone does with your life. I am the god of my life and my world, not yours. You are not my responsibility. I can only take care of me and, frankly, even after all this time it’s still all I can do just dealing with myself. I give you my full acceptance to be however and whoever you want, just as long as that doesn’t infringe upon my free Will. If it does, you’ll hear about it from me and we’ll get it resolved very quickly. If you’re happy with life as it is and feel no need or desire to change, I hold no animosity and wish you nothing but the best. This work is clearly not for you. Not yet.
Over the years I have listened to dozens of interviews of people with scientific minds doing all sorts of scientific research and studies with the intent of fixing the world and/or the various problems facing humanity. I have yet to hear one that will succeed. In every case, the root issue is never broached, and that issue is the state of consciousness of humanity. Life as human beings experience it on this planet is the way it is because of the way human beings consciously choose to live. Every detail of life is the way it is because it is what has been chosen and accepted by the majority of humans. In order to change anything, the consciousness of people first needs to change. If that doesn’t occur, then you will witness all forms of resistance and likely an eventual failure of whatever change is imposed, and very likely resulting in something that makes worse the problem that was initially meant to be fixed. Let me put this in the simplest terms that I know… Humanity is the cause of every problem that humanity has on this planet. The only way to truly resolve any of humanity’s problems is for humankind to be willing to change their consciousness. Until people are willing to see and do this, every problem that people face on this planet will only intensify no matter how diligently one tries to fix it.
Six days ago I ended an 8-day period of juice cleansing by going to my favorite Mexican restaurant, which was one of two restaurants that I have been able to dine at for the past 6 months without feeling strong detrimental effects from the food. This restaurant makes everything fresh with local ingredients. My meal consisted of homemade corn chips with salsa and a burrito with only rice, guacamole, lettuce and pico de gallo. The meal tasted delicious to me, although I noticed that all of the flavors were much more intense than I had experienced in my many times eating there prior to my cleanse. I assumed that this was a result of the cleansing, since it is normal to gain increased sensitivity in all senses when cleansing. The next day, though, my body was speaking to me much more strongly after the food spent the night moving through my system. I awakened with a dry, intensely salty tasting mouth, swollen joints, my pulse throbbing in my head and my equilibrium was severely off. I know from decades of experience that these symptoms typically come after eating sodium of one form or another.
Here's the lesson: Sometimes you don’t know how indoctrinated your body is with something that’s detrimental for it until you cleanse it out. To go along with that, we always eat the foods that match our level of conscious awareness, state of mind, and physical health and purity. The intense cleansing that I recently did increased my state of health and purity, and so some of the foods that were good enough prior to the cleanse are now not appropriate for my new, heightened state. So the choice is to either stop eating those foods and continue cleansing myself to greater levels of awareness, or go back to eating them and inevitably bring myself back down to prior levels. In this case it is an easy choice. Although I have enjoyed the dining experience at that restaurant for several years, it is time to embrace my increasing awareness and vitality and move on to cleaner, more natural and unadulterated foods.
It has become as clear and obvious to me as I can possibly imagine that Earth is the playground for the dead and ignorant. Mankind, for as long as there has been recorded history, has spent a vast amount of time and resources exploring the planet and its surroundings, from the macro of the universe to the micro of atoms and sub-atomic particles, always supposedly searching for the answers to the most important questions that face us: Who are we? Why are we here? What is our purpose? That man does not want to know the answers to these questions is as obvious as a slap in the face. The answers are in the only place mankind refuses to look, inside of his/her own consciousness. To attain these answers requires no money, no equipment, no journeys to the far reaches of earth or space. All one needs to do is relax in a comfortable space, close one’s eyes and look inside. Diligently.
Yes, there are a very few who have gone inside of their own consciousness and have found some of the answers, but none of them have accomplished the complete task. Buddha? Nope. Jesus? Nope. Any other spiritual leader, guru, disciple, or son-of-god that you can think of? Nope. How am I so sure? Because there are some 7 billion plus human beings on Earth... still here… still destroying everything they touch including themselves. When someone completes the task, humanity as it is known will cease to exist. Humanity is a mistake, a wrong turn down a dead end street.
Furthermore, it is clear that mankind has no desire to know the answers. The way of “life” of humankind is all an intentional distraction from the truth to keep oneself busy, so as not to see the answers, which would be obvious if not for all of our busy-ness. In fact, the busy-ness is intentional so as to ensure that we never find the answers, which, in what is perhaps the greatest irony in life, we already have them. Why else would people have to keep themselves so busy with distractions unless they had something they needed to distract themselves from?
I’m sure most people who read this will find it non-sensible. It will probably appear like a bunch of incomprehensible babble, which, if you really want to be aware, is all the proof you need to know that you truly do not want to know who you are, and you will do absolutely anything to keep that information from yourself. Even if it kills you.
Today while I was taking my weekly drive to the local farmer’s market, a route I have driven hundreds of times over the past 5 years, I got my first glimpse behind the veil that I commonly experience as “reality.” There was a tractor-trailer parked parallel with the road in a parking lot. There was a man with a hand-cart transporting some boxes into a restaurant. As we drove past this area I had a feeling as though something odd was going on there, but I could not see with my physical eyes anything that looked strange. The feeling seemed to do with the truck, the man, and that specific area, but because I’m still primarily habituated toward using my physical eyes to find the reasons for such feelings, and because I didn’t see any explanation for the feeling, I drove on without giving the experience any more thought. Very shortly after passing that area, Katya and I decided to go to a restaurant to have some food before going on to the farmers market. After eating and arriving at the farmer’s market, which was in a large public park with two very large open grass covered fields, we saw quite a commotion going on in the smaller of the two fields. There was a rescue helicopter with a number of emergency vehicles, lights all ablaze. Obviously someone had been seriously hurt, but I had assumed it had been at the farmer’s market.
So we did our business and headed back home. It wasn’t long before the area that I had the odd feeling was back within sight, and there were several emergency vehicles with lights flashing that cut off one lane of traffic. As we got nearer I was excited and a bit stunned to see an SUV sideways in the road facing the back side of the tractor-trailer I had passed on the way to the market, in the exact area that I had felt the odd feeling on my way out. I knew instantly what the curious feeling I had had was about, it was the building creative energy for the event aftermath that I was now witnessing. I essentially had a feeling glimpse of the forthcoming event, as the creative energy was building up just prior to manifesting the “accident” that had occurred.
Today while walking home from the beach we had started to cross a street as an acquaintance we know quite well was on a bike heading in our direction. I observed her intently as she pedaled towards us, fully prepared for her to see and greet us and perhaps pull over to engage us in conversation. Instead, she turned her head toward our direction and then quickly away just before we would have been in her direct line of sight. Because I was so closely watching her I could feel her mentality recognize us as she was turning her head in our direction, her mental energy reaching out like radar scanning everything within its range. I could feel the moment when she energetically recognized us, (not visually, but with this “mental radar”), and chose to quickly snap her head away from us and instead look down the street as she rode on past us.
This was an interesting experience for me, and not disappointing at all because this particular person is not one I typically have easy, enjoyable conversations with. Although I have had several conversations with her about the awareness work we do, I have always felt that her rigidly controlling mind does not like it one bit, although she always feigned interest, which is easy to feel as well. Whether she avoided us because one or all of us had something going on that didn’t want to interact with her, which certainly could have been the case, or because there was something “sub-conscious” in her that didn’t want the interaction, or some mix of both, is not known for certain, but a some mix of the aforementioned is likely. The big lesson for me in observing this event was this: If I were to talk to this woman about seeing her today I’m quite certain that she would say that she didn’t see us or have any idea that we were there. I know that this is not the case, but I can see that she has a construct set up in her mind that allows her to use an aware aspect of herself to avoid and deny reflections that she does not like, or want to see, or deal with. This is fine for her, but since I see this in her it means that I have the same thing going on within myself, and so my job is to pay close attention to my inner reality to see how I do the same kind of thing. I won’t be able to recover all of myself and go home if I am running some mental programming that causes me to look or move away from something that could show me the way home.
So let's see here.... You’re a god but you don’t know it. You have thoughts and feelings inside that you don’t like and so you push them outside of yourself. They manifest in outer reality, of course, running the same thoughts and/or feelings they were running when you pushed them away and fragmented them out of yourself, but they are just as irritating on the outside because they interfere with the way you want to have things. So, next you decide that you have to fix them and go about doing so, but they don’t like you and so you judge that you need to change yourself in order for them to like you so that they’ll change and behave the way you want and demand. This causes you to judge and fragment yourself further, creating more beings, which hate, or fear, or are in some way not aligned with you and give you more things you’ll think you to have to fix and/or change.
Thus you have a vicious cycle that has been occurring for eons, causing what was originally a god or goddess to diminish him or herself into several billion helpless little fragments all running around hating and/or using and/or pretending to love, etc., one another with the only tangible result being an overall diminishment, collapse, and deadening of everything. Good job, ye former gods of old!
During a recent discussion with Terry and Katya about teeth and the common problems that occur with them, I had an "insight" in regards to food, which bubbled up from my gut into my head. This bubble of knowledge informed me that when we eat "refined" foods—dead foods where the "fiber" or substance of the food is removed so that all that is left is a thin essence with no bulk, usually in the form of empty, damaging calories like with refined sugar and "spirits" (otherwise known as alcohol)—we are consciously choosing to take in the intent that went into making that food. Here the intent is to remove the body, substance, and balanced value and vitality of the food, leaving behind only some kind of desired “sweet” fragrance, and thereby do the same thing to our body, deplete and/or remove its body, substance, and vitality, leaving behind an empty refined hulk of sweet nothingness. In other words, when we choose to consume materials that are not whole and have most of the "body" removed from them we are asking for the same experience of our own body—to have the Will and all vital substance removed. This is probably the energetic explanation for why sugar, particularly refined white sugar, is a main cause of tooth decay.
See if you can follow the logic here: Think about what teeth reflect. For one thing they are necessary for communication and expression. They are also what literally gives us "bite." Ever hear the phrase, "All bark and no bite?" Or how about, "Once bitten twice shy?" And then when something or someone is lacking substance, power, or aggressiveness, it/they can often be referred to as having "no bite" or "no teeth." Essentially all of these phrases refer to a person or thing having no power, no substance, and no WILL.
Here's the lesson: Eating, smoking, injecting, or using any other method of directly putting something into your body is a very powerful declaration to make yourself like whatever it is you are putting into yourself. You are taking in the energetic intent and signature of that substance and not only asking, but in fact demanding that the substance become your body, and your body become the substance. If your choice is to put substances into your body that are "refined," i.e., having had the body removed from it, then your intent is to remove or separate your body from your Spirit. Does it now make sense that this would cause the densest, strongest parts of your body to weaken, break, and decay, like when bones lose calcium and teeth get cavities? It also makes the phrase, "You are what you eat," much more literal and important.
On my drive home from the market today, upon stopping at a long red light, I decided to eat a pretzel that I impulsively bought. I took a nice big bite and two seconds later I was sorry I had. It was not the experience that I had remembered having many times years ago when I enjoyed eating such things. So there I was sitting in my truck with a large lump of chewed up dough in my mouth and the only option I could think of, other than swallowing it (which I didn't want to do), was to spit it out the window. I watched a judgment come up immediately upon thinking to spit it out. The judgment was that it was rude/gross to do such a thing and that it would anger anyone who saw me do it. My Will responded instantly to the thought with a feeling of fear, warning me not to make the judgment real. Well, I instead chose to mildly dismiss it, pushing it away and denying it. I then proceeded to look around and make sure that I could spit the pretzel out without anyone seeing me.
When the coast looked clear, I spit it out. Funny thing happened though. In the exact moments I spit the dough out the window, a guy in an SUV with his window down turned a corner which had him looking directly at me. He slowed down a little and I heard him angrily yell at me to use a garbage can and then he drove off down the road. My reaction to that was to get angry at him and want to beat him up. Then my mind went into a daydream about a confrontation with him thinking up reasonable excuses to justify my actions, so that I could be right about what I had done. My best excuse was to tell him that I had been choking and so I was lucky to be able to spit the dough out. This is complete bullshit, but my mind didn't care.
When the light turned green I went on my way. As I was driving I was reviewing the whole thing in my mentality. It was so clear for me to see that I had created the whole thing as a result of denying the judgment when it came up. Instead of appreciating the warning feelings my Will had given me I instead decided to deny them, and so I therefore received the exact experience that I judged I would have and in fact had created, and then I got angry at the reflection as though I were innocent of anything. It's always easier to blame outer reality for what we don't want to look at within ourselves than to take responsibility for ourselves. Taking full responsibility is one of the greatest challenges to be faced in doing this kind of awareness work.
It isn't that I was wrong to spit out the pretzel. It's that I JUDGED that it was wrong and then further empowered the judgment by denying it. My inner reality denial of the judgment created the outer reality experience of the guy in the SUV responding to me as he did. If I had resolved the judgment he may have never turned the corner when he did, or at least never said anything to me. My choice to get angry at the reflection is a declaration not only to further empower what I denied, causing it to want to come back at me progressively more violently to match the increasing force of my denial, but also to create situations where people will behave angrily toward me so that I can carry out my choice to be angry at outer reality reflections. This experience was probably as clear an example as I've had thus far to show me just how magical outer reality is and how perfect reflections are. It shows me my progress and that I have become much more willing to take responsibility for myself. More importantly, though, the fact that I had the experience at all, and that I still have programming that initially chooses to deny thoughts and feelings instead of instantly and automatically responding with complete acceptance to them, shows me that I still have more recovery work to do, and so I'll use this example in every moment I can to help me go deeper into myself and undo the age old inner reality errors of my ways.
This morning I was doing my usual Saturday morning grocery shopping, but this morning turned out to be a little less typical than usual. I was unloading my basket at the checkout counter when a woman passing by engaged me in a conversation. She had seen that I was purchasing an unusually large amount of grapes and so asked me if I had been to a stand at the nearby farmers market to try their grapes which were "the best" and only $2.99 a pound. The grapes I was purchasing were a dollar or two more a pound. (I don't often pay attention to prices when I buy food. What is most important to me is the feel of the food. I have always had an ability to "see," or "intuit," or feel the energetic qualities of things to some useful degree and so my feelings have always been the primary consideration when making any sort of purchase.) This woman was very enthusiastic about these grapes and seemed quite insistent, although not pushy, that I go try them. So I thanked her, told her that I definitely would try them, and then she was on her way … or so I thought.
After paying for my groceries I made the turn for the door and there was the woman again, about twenty feet ahead of me going for the door as well. Her back was squarely to me, so she did not see that I was behind her. Almost immediately after I saw her she stopped in her tracks and looked to her left side with her head cocked as if she had forgotten where or who she was and was processing that in her head. As I approached her I commented that I was off to check out the grapes she had told me about and was prepared to go on my way, but my comment seemed to cause her to completely drop whatever she had been thinking about and go out the door with me and then proceed to offer to walk with me directly to the concession stand where the grapes were located. Of course I accepted, as I recognized at this point that, although I had no idea why exactly this was happening, I knew it was something important and suspected it had nothing at all to do with grapes.
So we get to the stand and she shows me the grapes and I know immediately that these are not grapes that I want to put into my body. They were huge, about the diameter of a fifty-cent piece, bloated, and they felt devoid of any life-giving properties. I stood in silent awe as just about every other person within ten feet of me was discussing how wonderful these grapes were. I decided to buy the smallest bunch I could find in order to bring them home so I could sarcastically show Terry and Katya that we had been eating the wrong grapes all this time, and that these were the best as determined by all of the unaware people I saw at the market, each and every one suffering from various physical maladies.
By the time I got home the real reason for this entire "grape caper" had become painfully apparent. I was feeling the heavy tiredness commonly experienced after "downloading" some strongly denied energy. This energy was unusually heavy feeling and tired, and it has taken me the rest of the day to process it, which is unusual for me. What is most interesting about this experience today is this: If Katya had gone to the market with me like she usually does we would have visited the vendor where I received the energy, and probably would have given the same energy the opportunity to come to me without the "grape lady" experience. So, did I or the energy that wanted to come to me "draft" this woman (using the grapes as a trigger) in order to get me to go to a location whereupon I would be close enough for the exhausted energy to jump to me? There is no way to prove it, but I can honestly say that much stranger things have actually happened.
Earlier this week while Katya and I were at my desk trading, I had a very abrupt "attack" of what most people would consider to be an allergic reaction. It started with my eyes becoming rapidly and increasingly itchy, watery, and bloodshot. At the same time my sinuses magically became clogged to the extent that I could hardly get any air into my lungs through my nose, and I would have bouts of intense itchiness in my sinuses along with much sneezing. As a courtesy, I turned away from Katya for about 5 minutes after this began. When I turned back and looked at her, she seemed quite astonished at the rather dramatic (and very unflattering!),transformation that my face had undergone. My eyes had become so swollen and baggy with fluid that she joked about me becoming Chinese and referred to me as "Yao Ming," (who is a very popular Chinese basketball player who once played in the NBA).
I imagine that if confronted with this sort of thing most normal human beings would become alarmed and head for the nearest drug store, doctor, or emergency room. But, alas, I am not at all normal or human. Although certainly not comfortable, it was very naturally a clear sign to me that my body was ready and strong enough to "dump" some old toxins and crap that had been lying dormant in my body. As the hours progressed I became quite congested and physically sore, as if I my bones had been jarred in an auto collision, or I had been a tackling dummy of the day for some NFL linebacker. The whole process lasted for about 36 hours and I was back playing beach volleyball 48 hours after it all began. During that time I saw no doctors, took no drugs, and consumed nothing but fresh squeezed grapefruit juice and a vegetarian superfood supplement.
I have had these kinds of experiences, some more intense and lasting a longer duration, many times over the course of my awareness adventure. This one was different in that it came on suddenly and much more intensely and ended almost as abruptly as it had begun. Initially I had thoughts that this might be one doozy healing crisis, one that could last a week or more. But I believe that if my body was not strong enough it wouldn't have been capable of such a fast and intense healing crisis. So the speed with which it occurred is a clear sign to me that my body is strengthening and able to work very quickly and with greater intensity than ever to remove the psychic and physical garbage from my body. Yea me!!!
When I started this blog a few years ago I often used it to express my anger towards many things I saw going on in outer reality. Gradually, over time, I came to recognize how these things were reflections for me to observe, identify, and resolve within myself. As a result, I don't have nearly the rage I once did, and so I have evolved and found my old ranting's here to not be interesting or worthy of keeping. Oh I still have some inner anger and have maintained much of my outspoken nature, but my closest and dearest reflections have been confirming to me that I am definitely softening, and so this new start will likely reflect the "kinder, gentler Rich."
All Previous entries for this blog have been removed by request of the author. Time to begin anew.