Introducing the Idea of Phases
The numbered phases shown below are representative of those normally encountered
in an awareness curriculum, and they have been ordered according to the observed
patterns by which students tend to sooner or later confront and either simultaneously deal
with them or fail the course entirely. That said, the order and exactness of each
phase may vary, but to what degree depends upon the student’s attitudes and
abilities to comprehend and make use of what has been learned and experienced.
Occasionally a phase may even seem to be combined with another phase, or seemingly
bypassed altogether. Nonetheless, each phase represents a learning process that
must at some point and in some way be addressed, and cannot altogether be ignored.
But one thing that does not vary a great deal is the washout rate for some of
the more trying phases, a rate that, in some instances, can seem to be nothing short of
staggering. Sadly, the reasons for this high dropout rate are nearly impossible
to explain to the student beforehand, but that are simple, straightforward, and
usually obvious to behold in hindsight. Historically, once a student exits the
learning process and reverts back to their previous lifestyle they usually go
no further with this work, and may even forget and lose most if not all of what
had been learned. To say that the awareness path narrows with distance traveled
is something of a gross understatement, it rapidly getting so narrow that nearly
everyone has fallen off rather quickly and essentially disappeared.
Some people might argue that this high wipe-out rate is a sure testament to
this work’s efficacy, quickly filtering anyone deemed unfit to know and use
the secrets of consciousness, while other individuals might choose to see this
as a sign that this work is of no value. Whatever the case might turn out to
be, only a handful of aspirants have ever gotten very far with this particular
work. This seems to be mainly due to two things: (1) the exaggerated resistance and often outright hatred of having to squarely and honestly look at and then deal with oneself, and (2) the perceived difficulty of the often intangible
subject matter coupled with a strong fear of the rapid lifestyle changes that go hand in hand
with awareness progress. Consequently, the student can be overwhelmed and if
he or she refuses to deal with the inner and outer reality changes they will
likely succumb to self-generated fear and panic, running away in the hope of
not having to deal with themselves or the changes that are taking place. Because
so few students allow themselves to get very far along in the awareness process
before bolting, and the fact that the eventual washout rate is near 100%,
there is nobody engaged in this work that has the time or inclination to go
out and talk about or support this kind of self-help process, which accounts
for why you will probably never hear or read about this particular kind of inner
work anywhere other than this web site.
For me personally it is easy to empathize with the new student and the seemingly
ferocious and paradoxical issues and obstacles they will surely face. Even so,
there is no way around what might at times seem to be a difficult trial by fire experience. If
it were easy a lot of people would be doing it, but it is definitely not easy, mostly due to the mental resistance generated by the participant.
If anything, it is possibly the most paradoxically difficult study topic that
someone will ever encounter. Not only must the student comprehend the precise
meanings of the words and phrases used, but he or she will have to apply that
knowledge in an excruciatingly perfect way to achieve outstanding results. Moreover,
the student must sooner or later face every thing they have ever tried to avoid,
resolving each and every bit of denial accumulated over however many lifetimes
they have endured up to this point in time. On the up side, if it is change
and a new life experience that you want this work will certainly do it. Moreover,
the rewards of accomplishment reserved for the few intrepid and heroic souls
who are persistent and fortunate enough to make it all the way though are, in
my humble opinion, worth the time and effort, and the journey for the most part
will have been an exciting one, too.
Typically this work seems to be a process whereby the student gets to experience
an exciting and progressive step forward, usually following an epiphany whereby
an unexpected gain in understanding regarding some aspect of the work occurs. But then the student inevitably experiences what feels like a big step backward.
This is a normal occurrence. By and large this backward seeming step includes becoming confused about and/or
completely forgetting any prior successes, which in some cases could have occurred
literally moments earlier. Moreover, this interlude also provides a time space
whereby the student gets to collect their wits while under pressure and then
put into practice any awareness principles that have been instilled up to that
point. If the student can maintain their wits and have enough trust to follow
the guidance of whoever might be working with them, they can get to the place
where the confusion becomes an accepted and even welcomed part of the process
and ultimate success will be realized. And if the student does their work any
confusion will soon abate, leaving the path ahead clearer than ever before.
Just keep in mind that in nature, as in this awareness work, the cleansing and rejuvenating storm always
precedes the clearing, when everything is cleansed, refreshed, and life evolves into something new.
The Phases and Setbacks of Progress
Each of the phases enumerated below is followed by pertinent comments, which more or less attempt
to amplify, explain, and clarify what the brief title line of each phrase implies.
But please note that this list is not intended nor guaranteed to be complete
or an all inclusive compilation by any stretch of the imagination. Rather, it is
just a simple and casual multi-part enumeration of what may come to pass, so
as to possibly help to prepare an interested party in what possibly lies ahead
for the prospective student.
- 1. Introduction to the idea and possible merits of this awareness work:
- One of two possibilities usually occurs right off; the person is either
interested and eagerly wants to know more or instead rebuffs the awareness ideas and any possibilities presented.
The rebuff is by far the more common knee-jerk response, and it usually signals the end of any further
conversation or interest in the subject, no matter whether a continuing friendship exists,
or not. For instance, I have numerous friends and acquaintances around which
I never speak of nor hint about this awareness work, which I love doing for
myself. I only speak about it if someone explicitly does or says something
that invites and/or specifically motivates me to broach the subject, and then if I sense
any resistance I immediately stop any further mention of it. I will share
it, but not push nor promote it. This allows the person complete freedom
to move closer or fall away without any push nor pull from me, which is
the loving thing to do.
- 2. Initial excitement over the prospects of what this work can theoretically
- There is oftentimes an initial, exaggerated excitement and anticipation
of what splendid and awesome miracles are theoretically possible. This phase is usually sweet
and quite short, as the realization dawns that to obtain any hoped for eventualities
will require a long term diligence and dedication that few people seem to
- 3. Initiation of the resistive and defensive sleep and illness prone
- During the initial instructive learning period (but usually to a lesser
degree during later instructive sessions) when new ideas and concepts are
introduced and/or encountered and are perceived as capable of canceling
out or upsetting embedded judgmental content, such as old ideas, notions, beliefs,
truths, habitual behavior, and so on, certain automatic defenses will tend to be
triggered. These otherwise subdued and/or hidden defenses can become quite strong and seemingly
unstoppable. Once any such judgmental defenses are initiated the student can quickly become unavoidably
resistive. Symptoms can include, but are not limited to, the person becoming
extremely drowsy, sleepy, and/or confused. Yawning and fidgeting are
common onset signs, with the defensive symptoms going all the way to the
person falling into deep, almost comatose sleep. Some students go so far
as to conjure up phantom illnesses, diseases, or injuries, and then, of course,
use these symptoms as a "real" excuse to avoid any further awareness work.
This kind of self-induced symptomatic sabotage is so common and predictable
that it is laughable. The student wash-out rate is high because of these
kinds of self-inspired, self-triggered defenses designed to escape anything
that might change the status quo.
- 4. Realization of the immensity of the subject, and the effort and study
that will be required to master it.
- No matter how sternly or diligently the prospective student is warned
beforehand about the difficulties and heroic effort that will be required
they always rationalize away the warnings and prefer to happily think that
they can mount any challenge, paradox, and retracement without hesitation
or fail. But this unrealistic outlook is made before anything difficult
or frightening is encountered, and so this kind of manufactured “positive”
attitude has no basis in actuality. Still, the warnings are freely given
and the inquiring student keeps on pushing them aside, choosing to view
them as unfounded, irrelevant, and/or something to be forgotten.
- 5. Initial failure to quickly bring about any amazing results, whereupon
disillusionment and sometimes depression follow the realization of how difficult
the process can be and how much dedication and long term effort is required
to achieve any significant results.
- This is a phase when the casually inclined student stops, washes out, and happily disappears,
unable to muster the dedication and courage needed to go on for one more
little step of the journey. It is goodbye time for most, and the lazy student
is better off leaving at this point, long before he or she opens up something
they are unwilling to deal with and consequently cannot then move forward
or back out of what can be turned into an unpleasant situation. Occasionally an uninspired student
may linger a bit longer, but never really catch on to what this work is
all about and finally just drifts quietly away.
- 6. Re-evaluation of this work and what is necessary and then cautiously
choose to go on, but at perhaps a more realistic learning pace.
- Here the student becomes a little more realistic about what to expect
and not expect, and also begins to have a useful feel for what this work
requires. The realization is dawning that this work is not a quick fix,
but instead a long term adventure that offers much growth potential, but
only if and when the student is willing to invest the time and effort. You get back what you put in, nothing more or less.
- 7. General excitement, renewed confidence, and a sense of purpose prevails
when enough awareness is finally achieved to begin truly understanding,
seeing, and resolving embedded mental attitudes and judgments.
- This is a time of great appreciation for what this work can accomplish,
albeit still a shallow understanding of what still lies ahead. This phase
can last for months or a few years, depending upon the study interest and
willingness of the person to move into and deal with unpleasant aspects
of the Self. However, I have seen this phase come to a very abrupt end,
changing from a time of excitement and rapid growth to one of unbelievably
difficult to deal with self-projected suspicion, distrust and blame if and when certain old denials holding distrust pop open for resolution.
- 8. Intensely projected blame, distrust, doubt, disbelief, misgivings,
suspicion, skepticism, paranoia, and accusations of all kinds that are directed
toward not only someone facilitating awareness studies, but the projections
can easily extend outward to “innocent” family members, friends, and associates.
- This is a common affliction for the student who prefers to see outer reality as "real," and the degree of hazard here cannot be understated. It is a crucial moment when embedded and “hidden” aspects of the mentality
become sufficiently activated so as to easily pour forth with unexpected
power, so much so that the principle of reflections can easily be lost,
forgotten, and pushed asunder before the student realizes his or her peril. When this happens and the student chooses to not see reflections he or she will instead see what is perceived as “real” and causal.
Consequently, what those formerly more or less dormant parts of the mentality
hold as actuality or truth is then erroneously projected outward onto anyone
or anything selected as a target, causing the person doing the projecting to perceive
that the person or thing of focus as doing unto them whatever is held within
the activated mentality. From an awareness work perspective this is a moment
the student has been working to attain, when lost parts of the mentality are
highly triggered and therefore visible and easy to see, understand, touch,
communicate with, and resolve. But instead of taking the opportunity to heal,
the student almost invariably makes what is projected outward real and flames
out, accusing and attacking the people around them, losing track of any
awareness progress altogether. The washout rate at this point is probably
around 99% or greater. Moreover, if a student quits at this point it is almost
a given that they will forget and disinherit anything they have learned
about how to cope with and resolve such situations. These ex-students get
lost within their mentality and tend to judge and justify their actions
according to what the triggered mentality holds, which usually translates
into the person becoming thereafter hostile toward this kind of work and its facilitators, and
do this for reasons they may then be unable to understand or resolve.
- 9. Sense of grandeur and awe, but sooner or later coupled with fear
- When the student first begins to experience the upward expansion and
expression of the Will aspect, and its awesome knowledge and power, this can be a time of stupendous awe and appreciation for the vastness of the Will and its feelings. More often than not, however, it is a time of terror for the person who fears their personal power. Yet, for anyone who welcomes it, this can be a time of joyous expansion, but one that is usually soon tempered
after the initial flowing of the Will, when the more deeply compressed and
ominous feelings and reality constructs necessarily begin to emerge. Once
this phase begins the student MUST be vigilant and prepared for “lost” feelings
and realities to pop open at any time without much if any prior warning, and instantly
remember and know how to deal with these sudden emerging situations without wasting
a moment trying to figure things out. It will be too late to learn at this
point; understanding must already be present and the student ready to respond.
But if you are vigilant and keenly aware you will successfully meet and weather the inner and outer reality
storms that would otherwise take you by surprise and trample you asunder.
At this phase of the awareness game it becomes more or less a pass or fail course. There
is no intermediate grade.
- 10. Jubilation when some initial ability to successfully work with and
usefully comprehend the Will aspect is finally achieved:
- This sense of vibrant jubilation will ebb and flow depending upon what
old and denied Will feelings and lost reality are gushing up for expression
and release. As the process moves forward the time will be reached when
the very much more repressed and compressed stuff will finally begin to
bubble up to the surface. This is when the gray taste and smell of death
will begin to uproot and permeate the student, and cause them to wonder
what they have gotten themselves into and wonder if they should give up
and quit, or not. Nothing can prepare the student for this moment, when
the causative factors lying behind the experience of death and decay are
first felt, seen, tasted, and fully realized.
- 11. Depression, hopelessness, melancholy and inadequacy surface when
the sheer enormity of what still lies before the student begins to realistically
- As more and more sickened and dead Will energy expands up and outward
it will bring along with it bits of lost mentality that went into denial
along with the Will aspect. As the recovery of the Self progresses the mentality
will naturally become more gradually present and aware of its circumstances.
This increase in awareness can over time be dramatic, and coupled with the
increasing knowledge of the Will aspect and what it still holds in denial,
more and more realization of the totality and immensity of the mess that
has befallen the individual becomes ever more evident and obvious. In some
students this awakening can trigger a sense of overwhelming hopelessness
and inadequacy, causing the student to doubt that he or she can ever recover
from the across-the-board disaster that is finally being realized and that,
for the most part, still confronts it. On the other hand, being in this
position can be considered to be a wonderful advantage, because the student
is now in a position to look back and see how much of its lost mentality
and Will essence has been successfully recovered, which serves to prove
that a recovery is indeed possible. At this point it is fairly easy to recognize
that if the student simply pushes on and continues the work, bit by bit,
it can continue to easily improve its situation.
- 12. Recovery and exhilaration as the awesome possibilities of this work
become extensively more grand and self-evident, as well as appealing.
- This is a time when the student is awe struck at what might be within
the realm of accomplishment, and is now beginning to experience some truly
useful degree of mental connection and integration with the Will aspect.
The student also tends to become frustrated and impatient due to seeing
and feeling so much more, knowing more, and wanting to achieve more and do
so ever more quickly, but unable to yet reach out and firmly touch the newly
- 13. Long days and months of misery and utterly dreary hopelessness as
the mentality and especially the Will aspect begin to expand, unload and
express out some of the most dense misery, lifelessness, lethargy and the
death that has been weighing them down for eons.
- While just getting to this phase might be considered a triumphal moment,
it is also a time when it becomes necessary to feel, experience, and deal
with some very sour and unpleasant denials that just seem to keep slowly
seeping up and out. It is a time to experience essence that has been so
lost and depressed that it has no desire whatsoever to live, and just wants
to die and go forever extinct. While this may not be physically painful,
it is nonetheless a painfully agonizing period to accept and work through.
The hazard of dealing with this kind of stuff is that if the mentality gets
lost and judges what is being felt and experienced as “real” or actual,
thus forgetting this awareness work by not realizing that what is taking
place is a release and resolution process, it erroneously transforms what
could have otherwise been forever released and healed into an ongoing nightmare,
making things worse rather than better.
- 14. Long periods of meditative rest while using all of the awareness
techniques learned so as to fully accept and effectively deal with and release
any old denials still percolating up and out of one’s depths.
- This phase is welcomed in that it portents a “light at the end of the
tunnel.” The disgorging rate and intensity of some putrid old denials has
lessened, which then provides some time for integration of the old with
the new. Long periods of unquenchable tiredness and lethargy are characteristic
for this part of the recovery process and must not be judged in any way,
or else the release process will be interrupted and possibly terminated.
This is a time to allow any remaining energy ready to express out to do
so and then come to full rest of its own accord.
- 15. An increasing sense of lightness when what seems like an immense
and age-old sense of hard density and weight begins to gradually dissipate and lift:
- This phase includes a growing sense of inner happiness coupled with
a flicker of desire by the personal body to voluntarily revive itself and come back into alignment
with the rest of the Self and to live perpetually of its own accord and desire.
This part of the process cannot be adequately described, only experienced,
but it is gratifying and wonderful. There are moments of exhilaration when
it logically and intuitively looks to be that anything can be accomplished
given the passion, dedication, and time to understand and undertake whatever
steps are necessary. It is a nice testament to the efficacy of this awareness
work if honestly used to its utmost, but it is also a time to be realistic
and to avoid being arrogant and imagine that one has achieve abilities
beyond their actual immediate capability.
- 16. This will be a phase of doing, when the basic lessons of
awareness have been thoroughly learned and put into practice, and when the student is ready to become a master
of sorts, easily and naturally applying all that has been learned and achieved.
- Learning will go on, probably forever, but it will no longer be the
main intent and focus. Further advancement will come organically as one of the many products of action and
of living life more fully.
- 17. An ever more advanced continuation of the awareness recovery process
and the gradual return of the still relatively fragmented individual to
their original unfragmented, godlike state.
- What is suggested here is certainly a goal worthy of achievement, but,
considering the amount of recovery and resolution work that still remains,
whether, or not, such an idealistic state of being can ever be attained within
a single lifetime, if at all, remains to be seen. That said, it is worth
trying, if for no other reason than the worst that can happen is that the
aspirant will suffer along in life just like everybody else. But what if
by some slim chance the aspirant does somehow manage to succeed, and forever
leave behind the travails that continue to curse humankind?
Clearly the aforementioned phases are not the end of the awareness process.
Exactly where it can and ultimately might end is still unknown to me, at least at
this moment, but nonetheless still fun to speculate. In the meantime, it pays
to remember that any still inescapable limits imposed and reflected back by
physical outer reality should temper any exaggerated mental hopes and wishful
dreams that one may secretly harbor. It is these temporarily seeming impassable limits
that serve as a useful measure of where someone is on the overall achievement scale, which
at the time of this writing, using a scale of 0 to 100, we are hovering just a smidgen above