The Art of Living a Life That is Not Worth Living

By Resolving the Pathos and Muck

Looking Into the Abyss

How does someone get through a life not worth living and have it remain fresh, interesting and bearable? For most people denial and pretense (i.e., pretending something is what it is not, wishful thinking, positive thinking, etc.) are the unqualified solution and modus operandi. To wit, simply deny that which is and pretend that which is not. This can easily be accomplished by engaging a dedicated and highly focused portion of the mentality so as to vigorously paint a false and imagined reality over that which is fundamental and actual. If you doubt the forcefulness of the pretense that most people insist on maintaining just say or do something that might bend or unravel the façade, and notice how the person reacts, how vigorously (or even violently) they fight any attempt at undoing the false image. Moreover, the strength and perfection of the illusion produced will perfectly coincide with the artful ability of the pretender to accommodate the embedded and highly valued judgmental content of their mentality. For the more adept and determined person the deception can be so seemingly real and impenetrable that only an upsetting catastrophe of immense gravity has any hope of disrupting the rigidified and causative creative mental structures to the point whereby they may crack and collapse, thereby allowing an opportunity for the fundamental actuality of outer reality to possibly penetrate and become at least somewhat observable.

Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately for the determined pretender), the focus and power normally put into this kind of self-generated delusion has the side effect of restricting the mentality’s ability to see anything peripheral, so much so that it can only recognize and realize that portion of itself that it has made the object and point of attention. All peripheral mental content and the Will aspect become more or less obscured, if not completely veiled and unrecognizable and/or invisible. Meanwhile any useful Will aspect functionality, which is usually completely cut off from the pretending mentality, fragments and exhausts itself over time. The personal body reflects this accelerating degeneration of the Will aspect as it gradually weakens, withers and dies, thereby accurately reflecting the increasingly deplorable condition of the personal Will. But this same kind of process on a much grander human-wide scale also exhausts the immediate outer physical reality, or greater Will aspect, which similarly declines and increasingly exhibits symptoms of depravation, death and finally extinction—a strong warning reflection for any would-be pretender, but nonetheless one that is usually more or less ignored, or even unnoticed, until recovery is nigh impossible.

Fortunately this entire “painting over” process is reversible and fully resolvable, but only for someone who is truly alive enough and willing to observe, see, hear, feel, taste and touch what outer reality is reflecting back, and then do something constructively useful with and about what is being depicted. A lifetime of work, along with everything that I have written, much of which is posted on this web site, has been an attempt on my part to describe what I have gone through in order to reach the point of awareness whereby I can clearly observe my own mentality, and do so to such a degree that I can understand with useful certainty how such a pretense mechanism is constructed and maintained and then how it steadily projects itself over what is actual. I have reached the point whereby I can turn on and off such projections, similar to turning on and off a light switch, and then compare the effects with actual outer reality conditions. But doing this requires a level of awareness commitment and effort that few seem willing to undergo and/or attempt, let alone achieve, for which the first step is a genuine willingness to forego and then fully give up pretense and its close companion “positive thinking.”

So it was with me, utterly bored, confounded and exhausted by having to constantly deal with the usual empty pretenses, the imprinted human tendency toward making everything unduly complicated and difficult, recoiling from the noisy, useless blather emanating from the popular entertainment sources and what seemed to be endless banalities proffered by humanity, no matter where I went, I decided that I wanted out. Unfortunately, at the time of my decision, I had no idea of how to accomplish such a feat, but I did have a strong desire and was willing to do whatever it took to reach my somewhat impossible seeming goal. What goal? To leave behind the uncertain vagaries, weaknesses, misery, pain and toil and the rotting death so ingrained and valued by mankind. I wanted to achieve a level of personal recovery whereby outer reality effortlessly moved to my every word, to my true desires, and did so without toil or effort. Sound impossible? Maybe so, but although I started out wondering if such a goal was indeed possible I gradually came to think and feel that it is was not only possible, but the way it should be for me and everyone else who is open to this kind of inner and outer reality experience. Moreover, I am now certain enough from the awareness work already done that I do not intend to let myself be distracted or pulled away from this kind of splendid feeling goal.

With a goal like this I soon realized that I would need something quite different and more effective than what mankind was then able to offer in the way of teachings or disciplines. Consequently, as a necessary aid to my own self-improvement and heightened awareness I very purposely, albeit somewhat ignorantly, created the circumstances under which this particular awareness work could come into actuality and then evolve. What came about was a series of experiences and processes that rocketed my awareness forward and imbued me with a new, “flexible” kind of knowledge that was backed up by the muscle required to propel me unmistakably forward toward my formerly “impossible” seeming goal. Although I was not aware of it at its inception, this awareness work would gradually self-configure itself over and over again, so as to aid and promote the kind of heightened awareness and feeling expansion that naturally enables the observational successes I now enjoy writing about. But no matter how noble or useful it might be to achieve this degree of awareness success it will, nevertheless, be the most difficult challenge and endeavor the student will ever have to face, confront and then accomplish, albeit the process itself, once understood, is absurdly simple. However, regardless of any wonderful enticements or rewards, allowing oneself to reach and then experience the heightened levels of enlightenment that are easily possible may be asking the impossible for most people.

The point here is to suggest a starting point for a self-evolving awareness methodology that truly allows someone to observe, see and feel the actual reality that currently exists right in front of everyone’s nose at each and every moment. Moreover, it needs to be realized that outer reality is never fixed in stone, although it may currently seem to be that way given the enormous amount of rigidly fixed imprinting and unequivocal determination most people exert in an effort to keep life permanently static and predictable. But with pretenses put aside, if you were to truly allow yourself to see and feel what you could otherwise perceive and experience via outer reality you would quickly conclude that there is no good reason to go on suffering a living death, and every reason to simply give up and die, so that you can finally get some well deserved rest. Now, if you discount this somewhat pessimistic statement then honestly get into yourself and feel what your personal Will, along with the Greater Will aspect, is feeling and having to constantly deal with while you pretend you are happy and well. The probability here is that you have no clue how to do this, even if it was something you genuinely wanted to achieve. Some small blips of this usually unseen and unfelt actuality do sometimes surface in the more sensitive of humankind, but any such episodes of approaching realism are usually quickly disposed of through “positive thinking,” counseling, drugs and/or other so-called treatments, while others simply commit suicide to be done with it all and get away from what is attempting to boil up inside.

So, then, why all this (often unrealized) abject misery and how and why was it created? Well, I could give you what might seem like a simple answer, but it could easily take you many years of careful study and awareness experience before you could effectively understand what the words truly mean and then make constructive use of the information. Consequently, albeit there may be an unlimited number of ways to achieve enlightenment, one way to prepare yourself and begin finding some answers is to get busy and read the Supplemental Manual, if you can make head or tails of it. Enough of the manual is posted free on this web site to get you on your way. The whole problem, and how and why it occurred and a process that can resolve it all is detailed in the book, although not stated in the way most mentally oriented people will think is logical or put forth in an order they might expect. This is because the Supplemental Manual is written from a feeling (Will oriented) perspective, not a mental one. Moreover, the book’s sequential order and flow is a direct result of the naturally induced experiences that produced the lessons and knowledge needed to succeed, and which, in turn, initiated awakening processes that served to invigorate and trigger both the mental and Will aspects into overt activity. All of this combined movement worked to make visible that which normally lies undisturbed and invisible. As such, this awareness approach is counter to how people are used to doing things, how they like to think and reason, and it is definitely counter to what many people will insist is logical. But there is a simple and definite logic to it, one that far transcends the confined mental concept of logic. It is just one that is not comprehensible to a disconnected mentality that has no connection to or familiarity with the Will aspect. Consequently, this work is a path towards enlightenment that you and almost everyone else will neither understand nor easily accept, until and unless you allow something new and the awakening experiences that it is capable of setting into motion.

Assuming that one chooses to go ahead and does their awareness work effectively, once the source behind the rampant misery is understood what is there to do about it? Again, read the Supplemental Manual. All of the answers are there, scattered throughout the text and stated one way or another, time after time, but stated in a feeling oriented way. To get oneself out of any kind of ignorantly self-induced misery and/or death trap it is necessary to first get back in touch with all that has been denied out of oneself and then recover it. Amongst other things, this means that you must get back all of the essence that you have ever lost, and the first step in doing this is to be in touch with what is in each and every moment. As your awareness recovery proceeds the time will come when you will want to emphasize recovering what I can best describe as your ancient heritage and the holy (i.e., whole), omnipotent majesty that goes along with reintegrating with the Will aspect. The bad news here is that accomplishing this kind of noble goal means intimately going back down into all of one’s old mental garbage and muck, and then into and through it and resolve each and every causative factor that remains embedded within the personal mentality. Fortunately, once genuinely understood, the process of self-resuscitation is quite simple and easily applied, although it will at times be excruciatingly difficult to endure and keep oneself on track. It may even take many years of painful and diligent effort before there will be any recognizable hint of a proverbial light at the end of a very long tunnel. The self-generated and imposed denial process that has brought us to this sad point in time has been going on unperturbed for eons, and so re-discovering and then undoing all of the imprinted and embedded misunderstandings and denials in just a few years or a single physical lifetime could be seen as a miraculously short interval, especially when considering the extent of the death and destruction that we have all cumulatively made manifest.

But no matter how difficult or impossible the task of recovery may seem to be the least that someone will get is an exciting adventure. However, the ultimate goal for me has been to fan the embers and reignite the ancient song that lies buried deep inside me, and within the core of one’s totality, a song that cries out to be remembered by a Spirit mentality that has long since gone utterly blind and mad, but that might someday be willing to calm itself and awaken to the slumbering god and real power that lies forsaken within. This ought to be a doable goal for anyone who is truly ready and willing to give up the usually pretense filled masquerade of false love and joy that exists to deny the earthly human existence, which tends to be comprised of endless toil and misery, punctuated by a rotting physical death. True god-like living and the earthly experience of decline and death are mutually exclusive. You can enjoy one or the other, whichever you may so willfully choose, but not both simultaneously. Do you want to keep on practicing the art of denial and pretense, or go for true aliveness and life, perhaps even to be god-like as is our natural heritage, and do so with or without anyone else? I have chosen for myself, which is the most that I can do. But why choose? In this earthly adventure there is always a frustrating degree of limitation of one type or another, coupled with lifetimes of endless toil, misery and pain concluded with some sort of rotting physical death. This is what there is to lose and leave behind, which, it seems to me, is no loss at all.

Terry Hathaway
July 13, 2008