Short Tidbits of Writing from the Past
The material on this page consists of brief insights and momentary thoughts that popped into my head, but that did not evolve into mature articles before I moved on to some other successor inner process. Please keep in mind that these bits and pieces are only those relatively few insights that I took the time to write down, and, so, consequently they are only a small sampling of the nearly constant barrage of "thoughts" that I generate or receive. Maybe some little bit of the writing presented below will be of interest and/or of use to somebody. All were useful to me at the moment of inception and all were just a tiny part of the process of my overall awakening. Please do not hang onto any of these topical pieces, because they will all have evolved tremendously starting from the first moment of insight and onward to this very day.
The bits and pieces that follow were, for the most part, not dated, and are presented in alphabetical order, If and when a discernible create date can be ascertained it will be so noted. The original create dates on the old computer files are not accurate, because at one time or another many of the old files had been copied into a new directory and/or restored from old backups, a process that updated the so-called original create date. But whatever the case, the order of the material should not be construed as inferring any relative importance or usefulness. Each topical item should be allowed to stand independently on its own.
I noticed that I am able to conduct mental activity on two very distinct levels: One is purely mental, while the other is a combination of mental and the physical, such as when I actively commit something within my mentality to actual physical memory. When there is no commitment to maintain something in physical memory the mental activity can and usually does run at a much faster pace, but the thinking process cannot be recalled as would be in the case of physical memory storage. The thoughts just whirl and do their thing, and when the subject changes to a new, divergent topic the old vanishes with nary a trace. It can however be triggered back into my active awareness, but without a physical memory tag an old thought chain tends to remain out of sight and out of mind.
And this brings up another thought; these dynamic processes do not necessarily involve the mind, otherwise I would remember it mentally. Using the mind for memory is work for me, because I have to stop and expend effort to “rigidify” a bit of mentality in order to hold onto the old thought train. This suggests that I carry out much of my “thinking” within the “free” or “observer” portion of my mentality.
If someone does not specifically and intentionally decide to deny parts of their mentality or Will or the Will’s feelings the mere act of wanting to divert away from and ignore other parts wanting expression in favor of some specific mental desire, i.e., the simple act of focusing solely on a single mental goal, is enough diversion to constitute some degree of denial and effectively give rise to reflections of denial. This choice to continually remain singularly focused can alone be enough to induce the effects generally observed in a body that appears to be aging. This is because once the mentality wanders off to its own desires it effectively, albeit perhaps unintentionally, cuts itself off from contact with the energies responsible for manifesting the body. Consequently, once the organizing intent and force of the mentality is diverted, which effectively prevents it from directly communicating with and influencing the body’s creative intelligence and condition, the body will then naturally drift toward disorganization, i.e., entropy. Unless the denial process is reversed the neglected creative energies will continue to move inexorably toward more and more disorganizational dysfunction, and ultimately physical death.
I underwent an interesting Will expansion last evening, with soft waves of energy radiating upward and outward from my gut. It lasted perhaps ten minutes. Toward the end of the process the results of an old decision that was still lodged in the Will aspect finally rose to the surface and burst into my mentality. I realized that I no longer needed to stay on earth, and that it was okay for me to go home. My job here was done, as I realized that there was never any good reason for me to come here in the first place, except, perhaps, to get down into my own “lost” pain and muck so as to learn all about fragmentation and denial and how to resolve it on a grand scale.
Back about 1993-1994 I had come to mentally understand some of the reasons behind my coming to earth, and I had resolved what I had discovered for the most part. But treating a specific portion of the mentality does not necessarily remove all remnants of an earlier choice. In this instance, many years of dedicated awareness work following the resolution of the mental aspect had to be completed before I could get to the old, Will components originally linked to and associated with the now resolved mental choices. This was because the release of the associated Will components required the resolution of other mental content, i.e., choices made after the now resolved choices to come to earth, which were logically unassociated with the earlier choices. Then, once the Will component could finally release and was able to express itself out a bit of entrained “lost” mentality associated with that “lost” Will energy could return to my awareness for a simultaneous release. Now, at long last, I was able to finish dealing with and resolving what remained of the old mental choices, made possible by finally being able to enable the release of associated Will energies. There are still some remaining earthly attachments to deal with, but I am one step closer to going home.
By becoming functionally aware of the underlying mechanics of consciousness, i.e., understanding what causes outer reality to behave the way it does, it becomes possible to “see” what is going on under the surface of the usual façade of pretended appearances, without having to guess while peering through the distorted lens of morality, religion and/or societal proprieties. As such, by utilizing the underlying mechanics instead of trying to manipulate a perceived reality can be a very profitable way of dealing with things, and do so in many ways. However, once someone begins to approach the requisite level of awareness and knowledge the usual human pursuits concurrently pale away in importance, and ultimately as a necessity, too, a situation that tends to negate any original goal of making money, which is, in and of itself, just another perceived illusion.
Don’t you think that the idea of running out of energy is odd? We are made of energy, manifesting what we experience as life. How can energy run out of energy? How have we made it seem like energy gets tired and exhausts itself, when it is always energy expressing itself in a myriad of ways that is mostly just space?
So, then, exactly what is it that is getting tired?
What do I mean by this “rekindling of god” title? Does it propose that one arrogantly think something along the line of “I am an invincible god,” and then angrily go about smiting all that thee considers wrong and bad? Or does it mean that one ought to lovingly recover their lost mentality and Will, so as to regain all of their personal power and awaken the supremacy of Heart (a.k.a., Christ Consciousness)? I have chosen Heart. Which is it for you?
This is probably a subject that most people will want to check out quickly, perhaps hoping to learn about some naughty innuendo or detail that can be the topic of rumors and shady conversation. But, too bad, that is not the case, so those of you who want this kind of thing can close out this page and go on to other things.
There is no specific role of sex in this awareness work, that is, it is not a topic that is discreetly or otherwise pointed out. However, that said, the Will aspect is fundamentally orgasmic in nature, filled with feelings that can range from holiness to what many would term animalistic sex, and all are equally present, except to the extent that the Will and its feeling, orgasmic nature have been condemned and denied out of one’s awareness by an ignorant and arrogant mentality.
The whole subject of sex and the Will and its feelings is quite simple: To the extent that an entity has denied its Will aspect (and/or its feelings of sex or anything else) to that same extent it is dead. Put another way, when the only vestiges of a free Will that remain are limited to the relatively paltry impulses of a personal body struggling to extend itself by seeding a replacement form, complete extinction is but cosmic moments away.