An Act of Expression

Expressing a lack of expression

Recently, an old friend, Don, who is very, very stubbornly mental and in his head about everything, spent several weeks at my home with the intent of doing some in depth awareness work, which, in this case, meant trying to get into some old unresolved mental and emotional hurts and wounds left festering since childhood. Then, if and when some old denial was activated and triggered up into his awareness where he could see it, he hoped to actually deal with these issues in a way that would let him forever resolve them, so as to begin freeing himself of a mental and physical rigidity that was becoming ever more painful and distressing. Adding to my friend’s incentive to deal with old issues was the condition of his physical body, which had reached the point were it was beginning to manifest what could be considered to be worrisome dis-ease symptoms. This state of affairs frightened him enough to cause him to finally get down into some long overdue personal awareness business.

To begin the process my friend needed to get into and actually begin feeling some very obvious but unpleasant stuff that he had long ago stiffened and armored himself against. By doing this he hoped to begin relieving at least some of the constant stress and painful tension that racked his mind and body. Dealing with all his inner resistance and defenses was a slow and time consuming ordeal, and so we would often take a break and just relax, sometimes lying out in the warm spring sunshine, while happily soaking up its gentle warmth. On one particular day several other friends joined in, adding to the variety of awareness topics discussed. It was after a somewhat intense co-educational awareness session that we all decided to take a well deserved afternoon break. Most everyone sat or laid around outside, relaxing in the warm sun, when the topic of perceived reflections came up. My friend soon started excitedly relating and sharing the "new" reflections he was just beginning to perceive and realize about himself, in particular some long ago reflections that involved his parents, both of whom are deceased. As Don reviewed one mental memory after another, sharing what he was now able to perceive within the old and timeworn images, he suddenly burst out with a loud wailing, which after a few minutes tapered off into smaller and smaller waves of sobbing. I was inside my home at the time, behind a closed bathroom door, when the wailing started, but it was still loud enough that I was actually a bit startled by the intensity of his sudden outburst.

Don was remembering his mother and the last five years of her life, when, due to Alzheimer’s disease, she suffered by being, as Don put it, "trapped in a body that could not express." It was a horrible thing for Don to recall the awful pain and suffering his mother had gone through, she being unable to communicate or express herself for the last few years of her life. Don saw her as trapped in a body that could not express, a fiendish and undeserved fate that he thought no one should have to endure, and something he definitely wanted to avoid for himself. The irony here is that I saw the exact opposite of what Don was seeing. From my perspective, although Don's mother could not use her personal body to communicate and express in the way most people consider to be a valid form of expression, this so-called lack of ability to express by her physical body was in and of itself an overt act of self-expression. But, you ask, how can this apparent lack of expressive ability by a sick, debilitated and dying body possibly be an expression of the self, the expression to be expressed. It may seem to defy what most other people think of as logic by suggesting that an unexpressive body is the actual act of expression.

But whatever someone chooses to think about this, the body is, nevertheless, the medium that allows the mental aspect to touch and experience what it chooses to create, and as such it is the result of the sum total inspiring content held within the mental apparatus, whether that content be within one’s awareness or lost out of it through denial. When a person’s body rigidifies and deteriorates over time it does so in accordance with the accumulating directives (the sum total judgmental content) of the mentality, with each newly generated judgmental choice or edict adding to the lot, each one stopping yet another bit of one’s overall life-giving vitality. This kind of judgmental mental process results in an ongoing physical expression of increasing degeneration that coincides with the inner reality mental rigidification, a progression that does not usually stop until the body is so disabled that it can no longer hold itself together and dies. Of course, it is always possible that the person so afflicted might somehow gain enough awareness of the causal forces and why they are creating the onset of death to do something about it, and as a consequence then reverse the process. Unfortunately, however, such a dramatic change in thinking and lifestyle is usually very unlikely.

Thus it is, the physical body shapes and evolves itself to properly reflect the inner mental condition, stiffening itself and squeezing out whatever vitality remains, mimicking the approaching lifelessness of a mentality that is increasingly immobilized by judgmental suffocation. This outer reality reflection of an encroaching inner reality rigidity and death puts the "trapped" mentality in the perfect position to observe itself and what it is creating without a lot of outside distractions getting in the way, so that maybe it will finally realize what it is doing to itself when the results are pushed in its face and cannot be easily avoided. But achieving a useful level of beneficial awareness in such situations can only occur if and when the mentality has the wherewithal to not blame the body for its dilemma, and instead genuinely looks at the reflection of increasing morbidity and ossification and how it is being foisted onto the body by the mentality. But it seems that really looking at and understanding such reflective situations is rarely, if ever, the case. Instead, the mentality tends to prefer judging the process harshly in ways that only serve to facilitate more judgmental pain, and in turn cause the body to shut down even more quickly and more completely. Thus, the unaware mental aspect is literally imprisoned in its own self-induced judgmental jail, unable to escape due to its own unwillingness to take stock of its situation and then do something truly constructive about the underlying causes.

With sufficient awareness and understanding the personal body can be the perfect guide for the attainment of wellness and wholeness. By learning to use what the body reflects as a way of honing in on and understanding what the mentality is unawarely creating it then becomes possible to correct its course to one that produces more enjoyable results. But to get any real and long lasting results for the physical body it is paramount that the process not be kept strictly mental. Along with the increased mental awareness there must also be corresponding emotional releases, which may involve mental feelings, but that will primarily be Will (gut) feelings. Moreover, these gut releases must be allowed to literally vibrate your body and surroundings, and they must be allowed to continue unabated until they have completely spent themselves of their own accord. In this manner, through improved mental and emotional awareness, the personal body can eventually be evolved into an outward expression of real and everlasting joy and vibrancy. Attaining this kind of evolution is the goal and purpose behind this awareness work. That is, to be mentally and physically attuned and no longer fragmented and lost in a mental confusion that results in pain and suffering, as well as an eventual and unpleasant experience of death.

A Word of Caution...
The reader is cautioned here to be careful about falling into the trap of thinking that by simply lying around and mulling over a few ideas and feelings not particularly liked that some kind of miraculous physical healing will occur. While such may be theoretically possible, it is highly unlikely. Even partially resolving a situation whereby the personal body has been forced to paint a reflection of total immobility requires actually getting down into the inner stinking muck and mire that has been hated, judged and denied as too despicable and/or painful to ever deal with. This means resolving the judgmental content of the mentality, not just thinking or talking about it, and then letting the feeling Will aspect expand and free itself, something very few people have the courage and stamina to endure. Moreover, beginning such an extensive and dramatic energy recovery process will first necessitate the cleansing of the body, and do so by systematically and thoroughly removing all old food and drug toxicity and residue, all of which dulls the mentality and deadens the Will aspect. The upshot of all this is that it will take a dramatic lifestyle change before much, if any, progress will be noticed. What all this entails usually goes strongly against most people’s cherished and habituated personal, medical and social beliefs. Moreover, for obvious legal reasons, the author recommends against anyone trying to experiment or attempt to make the kind of lifestyle changes implied, any of which may or may not have any beneficial effect. Anyone who chooses to disregard this warning and experiment with body cleansing techniques is advised to do so under the supervision and care of their accredited healthcare practitioner.

March 23, 2004