An Inner Process Affecting Outer Reality
I could feel it coming! When still compressed Will energy starts its upward expansion it begins affecting the mentality as it touches and envelopes it. For me the effect can be quite dramatic, possibly more so than for many people due to a welcoming attitude on my part toward the Will aspect. It began in earnest this morning when I began feeling as though there was nothing that mankind offered that held even the slightest bit of interest for me, my mentality was definitely wanting to be in a more fluid and magical environment. Everything in this earthly world looked dull and lifeless. I fully wanted to be rid of the burdens of mankind and its foolish pretenses and judgmental ideas about reality. As the day wore on I kept on feeling heavier and heavier and by early afternoon I was feeling so utterly exhausted that I could hardly feel any motivation to muster even the slightest effort. I recognized what I was seeing and feeling triggered into my mentality. These were old sights and feelings now expanding back from an ancient time here on earth, when I was still fairly new to this planet and trying hopefully to fit in with the humans. To do this successfully a lot of feelings about who and what I am were pushed down and denied, and now another bit of that old reality was stirring and moving back into expression, touching my mentality in the process, wafting me back in time.
At some point I was feeling so exhausted that I laid down in bed and let myself fall deeply into the feelings that weighed so heavily inside me, accepting them without any resistance whatsoever. I dozed off after maybe ten minutes and when I awakened an hour or so later I felt strangely lighter and without much effort I got up and out of bed. All of the former heaviness was gone and I was feeling happy inside. When I wandered out into the living room area I noticed that something was very different outside of me. I could feel it. Something vast but subtle was missing. I had no clue what it was or what had changed, only that something indeed had changed. This is one of the great paradoxes of this awareness work: Once something is truly resolved it vanishes from ones awareness and life experience forever thereafter, and the lucky person will have no clue or sense of what has been resolved, because it is gone with no energy remnants left behind to tell or remind the person of what was. All they will know is that something has changed and is gone, but even that sensibility will soon fade away and no trace of that bit of the past will remain.
Early on in this awareness work I learned to resolve the judgmental content of the mentality, i.e., the fragmented bits of judgmentally imprinted energy that comprise the mind. When some major bit of it was resolved it was easily possible to feel the area in the head where it had been functionally located, leaving behind an energy hole, so to speak. Usually within hours the “hole” would become less and less noticeable until no void was further discernable. The resolution of Will feelings became possible perhaps a year or so after I had begun advanced resolution work with the mentality. Unlike the mental resolution process, however, dealing with and releasing Will feelings did not seem to leave behind the same sense of vacancy or void anywhere within (or outside) the body. It brought about changes, but once the Will feelings were completely expressed out the decompression process was done, with no residual or telltale signs to talk about. There may have been an increased sense of ease and freedom, but there was no obvious void or empty place to mark the event.
What was remarkably different today was that a substantial Will release did result in a very perceptible aftereffect. My associate, Rich, was also able to sense and feel the outer reality difference, although neither one of us could say what had changed. The best we could do is notice that some formerly far reaching creative influence seemed to be missing, and the effect was located outside of me, of us. For the first time that I remember a Will release for me had precipitated an easily noticeable change in outer reality and it felt as though that change extended far out into what I perceive as outer reality. Moreover, here again, just like when resolving significant bits of the mentality a resulting void could be discerned, but instead of seeing and feeling it within my inner reality it was being felt in outer reality. What was changed inside was being felt on the outside. What was inside had gone outside to do its work.
But what was different? How long will it take to understand what has been resolved and/or changed? Who knows? But if this situation is anything like resolving bits of the mentality it may be awhile before the answer becomes apparent. Another paradox of this work is that it is impossible for the student to gauge their forward progress. This is because as things get resolved they are gone, leaving nothing behind as a reminder. This leaves the student with nothing tangible to measure against, until some event comes along whereupon the student can then suddenly see, feel, experience and realize how they (or in this case, outer reality) respond differently, giving some sort of comparison that enables a comparative sense of advancement and achievement. Thus, what I have gained from today’s wonderful release will have to wait until something occurs that provides a momentary scale by which to measure my forward progress. Until then all I can say is that what happened inside me today went outside, and for now that is enough to know and celebrate.
About noon today my gut began to become noticeably tight and active, and by early afternoon it was agitated enough to be slightly uncomfortable and on the verge of mildly painful. It was not a body discomfort; it was the Will aspect revving up for some as yet unbeknown reason. As the day wore on the gut sensations calmed down and by late afternoon I was beginning to notice definite head crunch, which intensified into the early evening. The intensity remained relatively constant throughout the next couple of hours. The effects of the energy flow upwards, while not directly observable, could be felt in my upper back and neck as muscle tightness and light pain. There is a peculiar type of pain sensation from such energy flows that is unmistakable once it has been experienced. In my head things were different, however. Yes, there was some muscle tightness in and around my head and especially my eyes. These were all areas of resistance, but the flow continued on nonetheless. The most outstanding effect was the effect the energy flow had on my mentality, which was dazed and in a slightly dreamy state, although I could still function normally if I so wanted. I could feel the energy “in there” doing its work, rearranging things in subtle and some not so subtle ways.
Earlier, to backtrack a bit, about 6:30 pm, I was watching the television show “Family Guy,” and I noticed that the judgments depicted in the cartoon about body and impropriety seemed utterly silly and non-activating to me. By this I mean that my mentality did not react to the judgmental stimuli. Inside I was still, flat, empty. Clearly the energy rising up into my head had already washed away some judgmental content that only a day before still had some power. This simple “non-event” was enough to give me a comparative measure of progress in cleaning up my mentality. It had required no effort on my part. In fact, any residual effort on my part amounted to nothing less than resistance to the flow of Will energy, inhibiting and/or slowing down the automatic process.
It is a wonderful thing to have reached the point in my awareness journey whereby I am so infused with the principles and goals represented by this awareness work, and the knowledge that flows out of the awareness process, that--to the extent that I will allow it-- the resolution of what still lies buried and infecting my mentality is being systematically resolved through loving forces other then my mentality. All I need do is relax, let go and let the magic I have so long sought work its wonders on and for me. What a frustrating struggle it has been all these long years, and now my process is more and more not a function of work, but one of hassle free relaxed acceptance. In other words, my awareness process has apparently now become a self-sustaining one. What is happening reminds me that life can be so easy if we allow it to flow through us unhindered. I have earned it.
Today I can still feel that something vast has changed in my outer reality landscape, but exactly what continues to elude me, at least for the moment. Last night while lying in bed I felt as though I had lost all sense of my usual awareness receptivity, which is not a new experience. This sort of thing often accompanies a recovery to some degree when formerly lost or denied essence reintegrates (or unwanted essence from elsewhere jumps and then integrates) with my mentality. This effect is understandable, since what is returning has not had the advantage of all that I have experienced and learned since it was denied out of my awareness, and so some amount of time is needed for reintegration and the old reality it was imprinted with and holding to be updated by the new me.
About mid-morning I finished a telephone call and when I put the phone back into its little charging stand I glanced momentarily over my shoulder to look at it. In that fleeting moment I observed that the phone had a look to it that I had never seen or noticed before. It was inert, not dead, but intelligently inert, suggestible or inspirable, receptively imprintable. You could say that it was receptive to whatever I inspired into it, and to the extent that I was able to project influence into and onto it. I looked around the room and my eyes were seeing the same kind of attributes everywhere, including my own body. But what do I mean by inert, inspirable or receptively imprintable? For most of this lifetime I have had the ability to feel the intent and imprinting of so-called inanimate objects, such as machinery, gadgets and other man-made devices. Before today these manufactured items were perhaps inert, i.e., seemingly devoid of any self-directing and animating consciousness, but today they were seen quite differently. They appeared to have a perceptible self-directing consciousness, albeit not necessarily of their own design, but, instead, intent made possible by whatever was “inspired” into them by some consciously aware entity, such as me.
Having the capacity to feel whether some piece of machinery or a device was going to be cooperative and easy to work with, as opposed to being quirky, troublesome and dangerous to use, had its practical advantages. If I was buying some type of equipment I would feel it with my eyes before making a selection. I used this ability when getting on a commercial airliner, too. I would always inconspicuously lay the palm of my hand on the fuselage when entering the plane. I never felt one that I mistrusted, but if I had I would have instantly turned around and stayed on the ground. This reminds me of a time that I inspected a crumpled single engine airplane lying alongside a runway at a small airport. During the 1980s I took flying lessons and became an instrument rated pilot for single engine fixed wing aircraft. I spent a good amount of time at a local airport and knew some of the engine mechanics and avionics service personnel. When I arrived at the airport one afternoon I was led over to observe the recently crashed airplane, still sitting in the grass alongside the runway. As soon as my eyes spotted it I instantly knew that that little airplane was trouble, and had been trouble all along. This observation was confirmed by the airport personnel, who related to me the long string of mechanical problems this airplane had always conjured up. Looking back, I wondered where this intent to cause trouble originated and who had imprinted it into what was now a rumpled pile of scrap metal.
This natural ability to feel the temperament of things through my eyes probably correlates with my inherent psychometric talents (sometimes referred to as divination by touching an object), an ability that can be fun, and that I have occasionally used for practical purposes. It seems to work with any inanimate object, as well as living things, whether they be trees, animals or humans. But I have long noticed that, at least for me, there was a distinct hazard in touching and reading an object, but only if it was necessary for the object to retain its imprinting, so that someone else could later on attempt to read it, too. This is because holding the object in my hands quite often completely released the imprinted information, making any detection after that release virtually impossible. On at least one occasion this release was accompanied with a very noticeable loss of weight, which startled both me and the person whose object I was holding.
The upshot of this writing is that I was for the first time (with my physical eyes) clearly seeing the receptive imprintability of nearby physical matter, i.e., that physical (Will) substance was openly receptive to whatever intent was projected onto it, and it was capable of retaining the intent for some measurable duration. Thus, it was essentially inert and unmotivated until something or someone imprinted it with a purposeful intent. This realization begets some interesting questions. What, for instance, is the underlying original imprinting on the so-called mineral kingdom, and when did this occur? But more important for me at this moment was the motivating imprinting within my own physical body, and when and where did the imprinting originate, and why? Where in the core of my mentality does the old, inspiring pattern of birth and death lie undetected? The possibilities here are fascinating. A new world of sight and awareness is dawning, but although I can see the first, dim highlighting revealing the imprintability of matter, something in my mentality is still preventing me from using this new observation to change my body, except in perhaps very insignificant ways.
This afternoon my digestive system was in a bit of turmoil; another normal sign of bodily changes taking place as a result of the recent Will energy flow. Today about 5:30 PM I laid down in bed, my head dulled and filled with a new flow of energy working its way upward, it again rearranging things in a flurry of upsetting action. When I got out of bed perhaps two hours later I was feeling hungry, but did not notice any significant change in my sight or other awareness abilities, so what is coming next is yet unknown, but will probably be a welcome surprise. I could feel the internal resistance my mentality was throwing up to what was trying to happen and was able to relax my resistance and allow the flow to move with less impedance, which provided some welcome relief to the mental tightness and “head crunch” I was experiencing.
As soon as I got out of bed this morning I have been on alert, open to seeing and feeling any old yet unrealized imprinting that affecting my body in ways that I’d like to be done with and eliminate. Mid morning, in a moment when I was distracted, it happened. Bingo! One of those “hidden” judgments popped up into my awareness. I decided to call it “the imprint of being tired.” I’ll forget all about this once I get this imprinting resolved. However, in the meantime, what do I mean by this “Imprint of being tired?” It means that there is an old, embedded judgment (a mistaken choice) dictating that the body eventually tires, fatigues, wears out, ultimately exhausts itself, ages and must die. The judgment absolutely negates ideas and beliefs that the body is perpetually self-healing and/or perhaps eternal. What is even more interesting is that I can now feel the presence and effect of the so-called “tired” imprint and it is currently active and well, happily doing its job relentlessly, exactly as asked. It has always been there, or so it seems, but now I recognize it amidst the swirl of other still active and potent judgments and feelings that continue to hinder my forward awareness progress. Now, at least, I know one more thing about myself to observe, feel and come to understand, and then sooner or later resolve.