The Re-emergence of a "Real" Body

Real versus Unreal

The Incremental Recovery of "Lost" Will

Several weeks ago I had another one of those very odd days when changes in my perceived awareness level in regards to the physical realm were clearly altered and very noticeable. While this was perhaps exciting in terms of awareness gains, the day as a whole had been rather unpleasant in a feeling way. But this kind of feeling discomfort was a common phenomenon when old Will energies were expanding out of compression and denial. My physical body did not seem to know whether it was going to live or soon give up and die, but I weathered through the upwelling feeling storm without my mentality going berserk and making things worse by getting lost in futile judgment making scenarios. Still, I felt so unsettled that I had no motivation to do much of anything and so at the suggestion of a friend we went to see a movie. I did not particularly enjoy the movie because it had no reality for me. Although I could understand it based upon my time on earth I perceived it as nothing more than a fictitious and overblown adventure movie with lots of far-fetched computer generated action and with a predictable but meaningless plot. It was little more than a temporary distraction, a mild form of entertainment that kept my attention more or less away from what I was feeling inside.

Regardless of the movie’s fake story line and preposterous action sequences, I stayed through to the movie’s end, but once out of the theater I noticed that something about me was noticeably different. A change had occurred while I was distracted by the flashing Hollywood images and accompanying noise. As I walked out of the large, enclosed mall I felt like I was an alien who had somehow been transported into an unfamiliar physical reality, one where I was walking amongst and quietly observing upright alien creatures (a.k.a. humans) of all shapes and sizes. My vision was sharper than before entering the theater and colors seemed brighter and more distinct, but in an odd third-dimensional way that I cannot accurately describe. The experience was sort of like suddenly finding oneself waking up in the famous Star Wars movie bar, and looking quizzically around at the strange creatures that were quite unfamiliar in looks, manner and mood.

Once back home, and during a refreshing warm shower, I had the definite experience of an unfamiliar physical body consciousness standing upright within me. It was approximately the same shape and size as my current physical body, albeit a bit disconnected in a strange feeling way. I could feel that it had an intelligence and vitality all of its own, but still oddly disconnected from me in such a way that I could feel and “see” it, but not directly communicate with it. But in spite of this obvious disconnect I, nonetheless, considered the whole experience a beneficial step forward in my overall awareness journey.

This was not the first time that I had experienced a body resurrecting itself within me, but this was most definitely the strongest such experience to date. Curiously, the earlier and similar experiences, dating back as far as about 1993, had not been accompanied by the very noticeable jump forward and reorganization of my perception of outer reality. For many years I have been carefully feeling and dealing with the physical aspect, and wanting to arrive at the point whereby I could actually communicate with it in a real and tangible way, but this kind of tantalizing re-connection to the manifest Will aspect has continued to elude me, although at times frustratingly close at hand. Now, on this day, the possibility of actual two-way communication between my mental aspect and my personal body has never seemed closer, and actually seemed genuinely possible, although I was not yet connected to such a degree that I can honestly say that bona-fide mutual communication can take place. I have no idea where today’s step will lead, nor do I have any clue how long it might be until the next similar step in my awareness progress occurs. No matter; I can be as patient as necessary—I think.

Real versus Unreal

By now you may be wondering about the title of this article and what I meant by entitling it the “Emergence of the Real Body.” But maybe more specifically, are you are puzzled over the term “real body?” If so, here is a brief definition of real as used in this awareness work:
Real: A perceived experience provided via outer physical reality, as opposed to that which someone believes can be touched and manipulated and therefore judged to be tangible and truthfully factual in some constant and predictable physical way. In other words, outer physical reality is not real, but instead it is fluid and “magical” as momentarily inspired by what is held within the sum total mental aspect, whether that be conscious or unconscious and/or in denial, or not. As such, only one’s perceived experience of outer reality is “real,” and not outer reality itself.
Usually people consider the so-called intangible inner reality to be unreal, a dreamscape of little importance, while the physical realm is seen to be the only real reality. However, this commonly held judgmental outlook is backwards. Consider, if you can, outer physical reality to be your inner reality made touchable by projecting it outwardly into what you perceive to be a tangible physical reality. Then, as such, physical outer reality is your inner reality desires made manifest, so that you can enjoy that which you choose to inspire as experience. Simple enough, but the rub comes when the mentality gradually looses itself through the deliberate process of denial, pushing bits of it and its Will aspect away, until it finds itself highly fragmented and locked into a physical reality that it does not understand and that seems unchangeable and ultimately hostile. Fortunately, this unholy situation can be resolved with an understanding of what “originally” went wrong, although reversing the process, even after a practical working knowledge of this understanding has been acquired, can be an exceptionally challenging quest. This is because it requires finding and recovering that which has been lost from the original totality of the self and is often far outside the awareness scope of the fragmented individual. Moreover, finding and then dealing with “lost” and often made angry energies, so as to affect a recovery, tends to be a frightening, frustrating and paradoxically difficult process.

Uncorking the Genie

Nowadays many people, scientists, for example, tend to think and believe the genome is the fundamental coding that determines how a particular life form will develop and live, and that each species has a unique kind of genetic strand. But within a species it is looking more and more like there are some commonalities amongst all the differing physical varieties, and that what differs is precisely what segments of a DNA strand are activated, or turned on, with the complete strand holding a multitude of lost characteristics that are essentially not used, or are turned off for some yet unknown reason. Investigation seems to be moving towards finding out how and why only certain selected gene segments are activated, while others remain totally inactive.

While this kind of genetic investigative work is admirable and interesting to me (and it inspires me onward in my awareness quest) it is not where my greatest interest lies. My goal is to move ahead with the recovery my “lost” self to the extent that I can someday communicate with the essence and basic underlying intelligence that creates and enables a genome and then chooses which gene sequences are to be activated. In other words, my work, this awareness work, is about pulling oneself back together and honing one’s awareness capabilities to the point whereby a mutual communication with the most fundamental intelligence is not only possible, but a commonly continuous dialog and condition. Think this impossible? Think me mad? So be it. Each one of us has free will to choose and go our own way, and we each get the reality that best befits our inner reality desires. Thus, if you want a life of earthly toil ending in physical death I will not try to persuade you otherwise. In turn, leave me to my choice for a perceived reality, because I like where I am going and why, and I intend to excel in my reality no matter what temporary obstacles might hinder my progress.

Terry Hathaway
March 2, 2008